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Featured Can't take being yelled at

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Cinco, Nov 1, 2017.

  1. Cinco

    Cinco Well-Known Member

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    I really can't handle it when someone gets mad at me, gets disapointed in me, and especially when someone yells at me. Whenever this happens it feels like my entire body just wants to collapse in on itself, I feel like I little kid who just want to hide under his sheets and cry, I break so damn easly and I hate it. And yes, I'm a 22 year old man who feels like CRYING when I get yelled at by other. I feel like such a little b*tch for not being able to either stand up to this or at least accept it, my brain and body just shuts itself down and sometimes if it's really bad it can ruin my entire day if not week. I hate being yelled at! Can't people just explain things normally without yelling and putting me down for making mistakes!?
     
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  2. Ragnahawk

    Ragnahawk Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My brain is a little strained but I'll do my best!
    Have you ever heard of sensory overload? Some people with autism freak out when someone raises their voice. You may need to find some way to stim to release that anxiety build up. It's to distract you. Just like you can apply pain to one area of your body to ignore another. You probably freak out at that scenario causing the other neurotypicals to also freak out and elevate the problem. Another thing you could try is breathing. Your brain is going to be more active if there is more oxygen. Try slowing things down and stimming.
     
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  3. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

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    Many ASD folks are emotionally less mature than their actual age - or so say "experts", and I know I definitely relate to that. Maybe your reaction is appropriate to your emotional age? Not saying that has to be the end of it, but maybe that will help you gain some understanding and acceptance of it before learning to cope better (if possible).
     
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  4. MonolithImmortal

    MonolithImmortal Well-Known Member

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    Same man. I literally will go into shutdown mode when the yelling starts, and I'm almost 30. Single word responses are the best I can give and all I want to do is run away. I think part of the difficulty with us is emotional processing. I'm alexithymic and I have are hard time differentiating my emotions, let alone others or if others are directing their emotions at me or something else. Someone could be frustrated with an experience not pertaining to me and angrily telling me about it and I'm like "Ok, but why are you mad at me?"

    It's ok, you're not a little b**ch. It's ok to be you, and it's ok to cry and shut down.
     
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  5. InfinityRose

    InfinityRose Well-Known Member

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    Don't feel bad. I'm only a little younger than you and I get terrified whenever I hear someone yelling, whether it's at me, someone else, or even just on TV. I'm pretty quiet so I don't get yelled at that often, but I remember when I was a kid I had this friend who's mom would scream at her, at the top of her lungs, sometimes even while holding her down. It was so scary and I always felt so bad for her. I can't imagine being treated that way, especially by a parent.
     
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  6. Squished Crab

    Squished Crab I squished it myself V.I.P Member

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    This is me, 100%. If anyone raises their voice, I am out-I leave the room in a desperate attempt to get away from them. I have never understood why anyone feels the need to yell. I personally believe that in most circumstances, it is a complete lack of discipline and self control on their part, and they inflict their lack of personal discipline on anyone within earshot.
     
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  7. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm usually okay and I rarely have people yelling straight at me... But at work a few years ago one supervisor would yell at me (and other people for that matter), I found that I got very defensive... To be clear yelling at people was one of his ways of communicating, people quickly became tired of it... Thankfully he is long gone, and I'm still at the same company, he was actually fired...
     
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  8. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    Wow.. you hit on a spot I try and hide, but cant... It looks like lots of us cant.
    I crumble, I start shaking, I shutdown, but being honest I do have PTSD (childhood trauma) that crosses over into ASD stuff. So Ambi may be really close to right (at least in my situation). Maybe I'm subconsciously stuck or comparing some really dark stuff, to stuff that probably isn't so bad if I could separate it out correctly. I have come to understand than in some areas I am very mature and in others not so much...
     
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  9. isthisreallife

    isthisreallife Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm the same. I went into shock once cause I guess my brain just said "nope, not dealing with this" but forgot to tell the rest of my body that I was not in any physical danger.
     
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  10. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    Not real long ago I got really upset (at a freaking conference I shouldn't even have attended)...
    I was very far from home, very uncomfortable, but willing to try this... Plus I was expected to attend.

    My co-worker (that I took with me - is cool, even with my ASD). He was having a great time, for me it was way past time to leave... We got into a conversation with a person that was "very optimistic of himself" and very opinionated of those not like him. I think lots of alcohol was involved.

    Some how (I cant even remember, the conversation went very wrong)... I know the stupid Tourettes showed up, and I was getting really uncomfortable and I was having lots of trouble answering this guys questions. Road blocks were going up everywhere in my head. He started berating me and saying some really derogative remarks that he didn't feel I should have the position I have... I started shaking and I remember this guy saying, "Wow is this guy stoking out or something." Not a fun recent memory.

    My co-worker (not knowing what to say) just blurted out... "Dude... He has ASD." and that d**k said, I told you he doesn't need to run the South end... I nearly got to witness a fist fight while I was in a freakin messed up shut down.

    Lesson from it... Always take my vehicle, and get the hell out when the warning signs show up (say my stomach is upset, or I have a headache - its not even a lie, just go!) ... I have maybe 5 minutes till it hits, or to MAYBE divert it into a lessor form.
     
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  11. Andrew206

    Andrew206 Well-Known Member

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    I start to freak out when people start yelling at me. In many cases I start crying. It hurts my feelings a lot.
     
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  12. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    I can't stand to be yelled at and cursed, but, I get it all the time from the guy I live with.
    He's that way with anyone. It keeps me upset and makes me sick to my stomach or shut down.
    He calls me childish and too sensitive.

    Another Aspie I know and like said the same.
    He could not stand to be scolded or yelled at.
    Looks like most of us here have the same intolerance.
     
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  13. NinaB

    NinaB Active Member

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    I am so sorry that you feel that way *hugging :)* I understand because i am that exact same way :( wonder how will it be at work, despite the fact that i know that the pressure on you is bigger because you're a man :(
     
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  14. Ragnahawk

    Ragnahawk Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    They told me I'm not allowed to leave the area when a NCO is talking to me [Parade Rest] (which usually means I'm in trouble). I think I've broken that rule... like every time only to come back "brain reset". (Usually in a couple hours)
     
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  15. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    I truly always wanted to be in the Navy or Coast Guard. My son was and just got out, and wants to go back now...
    I knew I could take the physical part and the learning part, but not the screaming and yelling part, so I backed out... I admire that you find a way to handle that. I would be sent to the psych ward and probably DhD before it was over... I had to let go of that dream and I wanted so bad to fly (but I would be praying every minute I would never kill another person).
     
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  16. Ragnahawk

    Ragnahawk Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh no I got in tons of trouble for walking away when someone is talking to me, explanation or not.
     
  17. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    Can you slip him a happy pill? Or help him smile using duck tape?
    I guess you could show him the other side of "childish and sensitive."
    That never means hurt him in any way... I'm just kidding...

    I have and old guy here who used to just chew on me and find everything possible I did wrong...
    One day I have no idea how I did it... I just stood up to him, and beyond that gently told his old ass off.
    I figured I just got fired but just didn't care anymore...
    To my massive surprise he started LAUGHING, and jumped up and bear hugged me.
    Which I hated... but allowed it...
    He said he had been waiting for me to do just that... He is now like a dad to me.
    I go to him when I need advice and wisdom and he is filled with it.
    I just had to earn my way to it.

    I hate the thought of you stuck like this...
    You have mentioned a few times... LIFE is too short to be surrounded by bitter.
    Its obvious I just don't understand.
    When I build Modern Monk Mountain... You can come live there...
    Chance woke up in a wild mood today...: )
     
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  18. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    gosh I dont know how you did it... I have seen them yelling and stuff.
    I would get so nervous just at the guard gates with some of the guys who were all gung hoe...
    and I wasn't even doing anything wrong...
    I approached the gates at night one time in a new truck with auto on headlights and I was freaking out cause I couldn't get it to just park lamp mode... The guy got all pissed and asked me if I could read???
    I explained my situation and he settled down and tried to help me figure it out, so it turned out good.
     
  19. Ragnahawk

    Ragnahawk Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm just going to get really angry if I have to stand there and take it from you. Alternative: Walk away and recuperate thoughts.
     
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  20. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    Exactly the same here. I do not deal with anger, disappointment or criticism well at all. Same as you I just want to cry and hide away, even for the slightest thing. For instance, my friend said to me I keep leaving the teaspoon on top of the wrong lid and I know it annoys him when things aren't exactly right (he is Aspie too) and I felt like I had just killed a puppy of something. Its a ridiculous reaction to something so petty but there it is.

    When someone shouts I turn into a complete wreck. Even if they aren't shouting at ME, I can't handle it. I will shake, cry, my stomach feels like its melting, and its like all my senses go into overload. I don't know if that is trauma caused by my Dad being a very, very shouty parent or if its to do more with sensory overload.
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2017
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