Can't take being yelled at

[Ragnahawk]

Exactly the same here. I do not deal with anger, disappointment or criticism well at all. Same as you I just want to cry and hide away, even for the slightest thing. For instance, my friend said to me I keep leaving the teaspoon on top of the wrong lid and I know it annoys him when things aren't exactly right (he is Aspie too) and I felt like I had just killed a puppy of something. Its a ridiculous reaction to something so petty but there it is.

When someone shouts I turn into a complete wreck. Even if they aren't shouting at ME, I can't handle it. I will shake, cry, my stomach feels like its melting, and its like all my senses go into overload. I don't know if that is trauma caused by my Dad being a very, very shouty parent or if its to do more with sensory overload.

Sensory overload ^

 

[Streetwise]

Exactly the same here. I do not deal with anger, disappointment or criticism well at all. Same as you I just want to cry and hide away, even for the slightest thing. For instance, my friend said to me I keep leaving the teaspoon on top of the wrong lid and I know it annoys him when things aren't exactly right (he is Aspie too) and I felt like I had just killed a puppy of something. Its a ridiculous reaction to something so petty but there it is.

When someone shouts I turn into a complete wreck. Even if they aren't shouting at ME, I can't handle it. I will shake, cry, my stomach feels like its melting, and its like all my senses go into overload. I don't know if that is trauma caused by my Dad being a very, very shouty parent or if its to do more with sensory overload.

Same here maybe it's autism

 

[Jdeisher]

Happens to me every single time I’m yelled at or similar. Your not alone there!

 

[NinaB]

Many ASD folks are emotionally less mature than their actual age - or so say "experts", and I know I definitely relate to that. Maybe your reaction is appropriate to your emotional age? Not saying that has to be the end of it, but maybe that will help you gain some understanding and acceptance of it before learning to cope better (if possible).

I feel like that applies to me :| I thought i was the only one

 

[WildCat]

Don't worry, I don't deal very well with it either. It triggers fight or flight and I have to try my damnedest not to exacerbate the situation with a fight response. Flight isn't always an option either...

Get it from time to time at work, at home and elsewhere, definitely "been there, done that". Sometimes, it's my fault, sometimes it's not and flat out uncalled for (and I have no problem returning the favor then), but keeping your cool goes a long way and is an exercise worth practicing.

 

[SusanLR]

@Chance Build it and we will come.
Monk Mountain!

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

I can't stand to be yelled at and cursed, but, I get it all the time from the guy I live with.
He's that way with anyone. It keeps me upset and makes me sick to my stomach or shut down.
He calls me childish and too sensitive.

Another Aspie I know and like said the same.
He could not stand to be scolded or yelled at.
Looks like most of us here have the same intolerance.

No one should put up with this , if he's like that with everyone he's not a very nice person. Don't give anyone power to walk over you , x

 

[StuMan]

I don't deal with being yelled at either. And especially the loud sound of the voice sends me into a shutdown andI get scared. It is because I used to get yelled at by my parents a lot and my exes due to my aspergers and the way I am. I can't help the way I am. And my anxiety goes into overload at this

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

I don't deal with being yelled at either. And especially the loud sound of the vice sends me into a shutdown andI get scared. It is because I used to get yelled at by my parents a lot and my exes due to my aspergers and the way I am. I can't help the way I am. And my anxiety goes into overload at this

 

[fairy_girl]

I usually glare at people who yell at me and say my script, "I don't have to put up with this, Later." then I leave the area till the DA is done. If I'm having a bad day (or already overloaded) then I just walk away and try to control my anger. Clenching my fist and then unclenching my fist while doing deep breathing exercises as I walk away helps.

 

[XAND]

I shut down whenever there's yelling in proximity, trying to swallow panic, regardless of the recipient. If it's directed at me I become absolutely paralyzed. I'm 38.

 

[orphan]

I too have a hard time with yelling... fight or fight kicks in fast.

Recently was let go from a great job restoring a remote log cabin and some out buildings. The painter yelled at me every single day. (We were the only ones there and staying on site.)
Over nothing... it was too cold inside, too hot, offered to take him to town 7am was too late, just verbal abuse...

The last night I said eff it and raised my voice back. Politely told him to take it down a notch. There was no call to speak to me that way.

He tattled to the boss and he let me go. The painter was supposedly my friend. He doesn't know how very close to a stay in the hospital he was... I have great strides in controling my actions. Not my emotions so much... but actions, yes.

The guy also called me rainman all the time. I still am not sure I did the right thing. Still want to ball him up and toss him in the can. Maybe I will. He should be very careful next time we meet...

Bottom line: being yelled at is abuse. No one deserves that.

 

[onlything]

I'm sorry you feel like this. It's not unknown to me as well. Last time my older brother yelled not at me but near me, I had a full-blown panic attack and broke down crying. You can imagine how angry it made him afterwards.

Eh. Why people even have to yell at each other? Why can't they just talk through things.Or, you know, communicate?

 

[WittyAspie]

I'm just going to get really angry if I have to stand there and take it from you. Alternative: Walk away and recuperate thoughts.

What branch are you in? Walking away would have gotten me tracked down and yelled at even more.

 

[Moka]

Anger is a tough emotion. Especially when it's directed at you personally. As a child, I cowered from it. Hiding under the blankets or trying to cover my ears when things got tense at home was my only coping mechanism. Unfortunately this lead to many years of being bullied by kids in school due to a non retaliatory response. The kid inside always wants to hide.

Coming from a more mature perspective, I have gleaned some wisdom over the years, with the realization that angry people, are often hurting people. When you don't bring the fight back to them, they have no one to go to battle with. A soft answer turns away wrath in almost every situation.

 

[Voxsh]

I can't cope with conflict of any kind, it really upsets me and I have no idea how to handle it when it happens. I love my wife, we have been married for 27 years and we rarely fight, but if she is upset with me I fall apart, it can take me days to get over it. I had a quick encounter today with a colleague at the university about a student shortly after I sent him an email. I find it difficult to tell if I have upset someone and could not tell if I had written something which had annoyed him, I have been stressing all afternoon about it. As for crying, well I am 54 and cry all the time, I can't control it if I am anxious, overwhelmed or upset.

 

[Voxsh]

As for Moka's comment about being bullied due to non retaliation at school. I was bullied for most of my school life, it was a living he'll.what ever social skills you need to deal with that stuff I didn't have.

 

[Accelerator]

I'd imagine that most people don't like other people yelling at them, myself included. When I'm not rambling about things I'm fixated on to people I'm usually very quiet, so I get very used to the tranquility (in school and other loud places I usually have music playing in my headphones to block out the noise, or in the first place I'm paying close attention to it for whatever reason, usually out of paranoia). When big things happen it really shakes me up inside, and I'm left reeling from it all as if someone actually hit me. When my mum and stepdad have fights there's usually banging and the whole building feels like it'll all fall down from the vibrations; that leaves me deeply unsettled, shaking from the head down, desperately hoping that it'll all go back to the quiet it used to be. I'm left wanting to curl up tight in a nest made of blankets, or doing my favorite things on the computers just to calm down enough to sleep (I think physical affection from a deeply trusted female source also works, as I often want someone to cuddle with during those times, and cuddling with a male is deeply disturbing for me, unless perhaps if they were any future children of mine. The list of deeply trusted people only has my mum on the list though, so no dice there).
When people yell at me when I have the even the slightest hint that they could in anyway be yelling at me it depends; if they were yelling to get my attention it doesn't really do much besides the initial shock, as by then I'm already either aware it's not me and put on my headset again, or I'm already on my way to find out what they need; if they were yelling at me with even the slightest hint of aggression or anger I'm almost utterly unable to speak (any attempts to just leave me stuttering, which is frustrating and only adds to the stress), but on high alert for any aggression. I can't remember exactly how I reacted during any times it felt like it would turn physical, but the affair always leaves me jittery and ready for violence even in the haze of it all; if I felt stabbing someone would keep me safe I'd probably do it if left alone with them (pretty sure I was all about to do that with one of my bullies if I didn't get convinced to leave for home).
When it's someone I actually care about yelling at me (So far the list has my closest cousins, my mum, and my brother), whether in disappointment or anger, I'm in quite the quandary. I can't retaliate because I actually care about that person, but I can't walk away both because I'm too shake up and because it feels like delaying the inevitable (I'll have to talk it out with them if I ever want to go back to normality).

I must admit that next to all of your full-blown panic attacks I feel out of place. Regardless, I hope that life would be kind to us all.

 

[jande107]

My roommate and I have a system with a sign on my door that flips between Green, Yellow, and Red. If it's on red, you don't make a sound. Yellow, tread lightly and use extreme caution. Green, I'm at least somewhat prepared to face the world. I have the same signs at my desk at work and everyone around me knows exactly what they mean.

 

[Voltaic]

I get aggressive when people yell at me. I don't lash out physically, but I would dig myself into a larger hole just because I get so deffinsivly angery. It is some type of shutdown or sensory overload, something like that. When I was a kid, I would just stole responding and completely shut down. It is only recently that I just get angry. Normal y I am extremely empathetic, but in these moments I can be a complete monster, even to people who I love who don't deserve anything. Worst of all I get masochistic and self harm the worst way I can, I destroy the thing I love, including relationships. I am moving past it, hopefully. But the scary part is, it feels good to vent my emotions. Even when I am hurting others, or myself, it feels good. I don't want to do this stuff, but something switches in my mind, then I go from 0 too 100.im scared of the damage I can do when I snap. I can willingly destroy every good part of my life and bask in the masochistic glee, then wake up the next morning and collapse into depression because of the collateral. Y u do this brain?