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Can't follow through

maybe stop worrying what people may think because you are who you are

1. you wanted to a considerate kindness
2. you have gone to all the work but don't want to bring it for fear of unwanted social interaction

conclusion: deliver it, say hi, and say you have to go and leave

it needn't be more complicated
the complication starts when you start guesstimating what they may expect of you

i like to visit my grandmother, she knows i can't handle staying for long, and she still manages to appreciate my visit
 
Ms Pats - I'm NT and I hate having to do stuff like drop off soup at the preacher's house, too. Since you didn't tell her that you were bringing soup, then just keep the soup and eat it. Maybe you can freeze it in pint containers to ration it out over time.

If you do feel compelled to deliver the soup, then call them ahead of time and tell them that you're running late for (a totally made-up excuse) and want to drop off the soup on your way to your late meeting/appointment/whatever. That will keep your interaction time to a minimum.

Alternatively, just send her a get-well card by mail!
 
This happens to me a lot. I want to do kind gestures to people but the simple fact of hearing a thank you in return makes me feel nervous. So I stoped doing them or I make it anonymously. But when it is with someone who knows me a bit than I push myself to do it even if I know that it will be awkward at some point. In the end they know that coming from me it means a lot to them because they know I don't like social interactions.
 
I get confused with the time zones, so I'm not sure when this was and wonder what you did in the end...

I know these situations so well. Sometimes having my children here helps because they just expect me to do the "normal" thing. By that I mean that they would just assume I had made the soup so I would take it round, so I would have to shut out a lot of the chatter in my head. But on the other hand, I may make the soup and then get my children to take it round! Yes, I think that's what I'd do.

My instinct was to tell you to go for it and pop round because you had put in the work making the soup. But I do understand how hard that is, and how sometimes it is better to just not put ourselves through the stress.

It also made me wonder what I am afraid of in this kind of situation. I have this constant battle, wanting to connect and do things like popping round the neighbour's, but being afraid I will be exposed for being odd. As soon as eyes are on me I feel odd and in my head I can hear them talking about me as I leave. I know I'd start off well, but then they'd ask me some things and I'd get flustered and forgetful and start blushing and feel about ten. But sometimes, taking the risk, even if it is embarrassing, can build a connection or I may learn something from the conversation, etc. Sometimes just going for it is worth it.
 
Tell me about it.

Once I had a neighbor who invited me to walk her dog, but whenever I returned the dog after the walk she would invite me in, I would decline, and in the end I stopped walking the dog because of the invitations. I have no problem saying no to stuff, especially stuff I really, really don't want to do, but she kept asking.

And so, whenever I see one of those meme-psa's that claim we want to be invited, we just don't want to go, I'm all, "speak for yourselves". I no longer think we don't perceive social pressure.

Long story short, you don't have to give her soup, you don't have to come inside if you do, and you can leave at any time.
 
Thanks, guys, for being understanding and making me not feel too bad. I didn't take the soup. It took me hours to talk myself into it being okay with that decision and calming myself down. I usually don't tell someone if I'm planning to do something because I know me and know that I might work up the strength to do it, but I might not - like today. Yiva, I'm a wimp when it comes to being able to tell someone no, I can't come in and it may take me hours to work up what it takes to finally get out. So IF I do something, part of it is knowing there's going to be a lot more to it than just dropping it off or whatever. I do wish I could do those things.
And this is the preacher that I've tried to discuss that not everyone is able to do all the things he thinks we should be doing, so I have a hard time being around him anyway.
As for the soup - maybe I'll pick the meat out of it and cook some noodles to eat with the meat - I don't really care for soup, plus all the vegetables in it. :)
 
Can't you have one of those nice church ladies bring it over for you? Surely they'd enjoy chit chatting up one of those old biddies with a pot full of gossip to spice up your delicious soup.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
If it was in England you could spoon the soup through the letterbox....

Guess you don't have that option.
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Their dog would really appreciate that, if they have one :)

Pats said:
Why can such simple things be so hard for us? My entire afternoon is wrecked because of myself. I've let myself get so nervous - scratching at my desk top, breathing impaired, getting a headache. JUST because I thought about doing something.
Does this happen to any of you?
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Yes, it does. I was diagnosed with 'social phobia' when I was in my early 20s.

My thing is that I decide to go and buy something locally, from a shop, or I decide that I want to eat something, but when I get to the shop or fast food restaurant, I can't go in and follow through. So I don't eat, or I don't buy the thing that I want.

It's ok to allow yourself not to do it :)
 
I appreciate your kindness, and so would they.
I feel its never worth it to put yourself in a panicked state. I suggest leaving your car running outside and making it clear you're on your way somewhere (even if that place is home).
 
TempeFan said:
Can't you have one of those nice church ladies bring it over for you? Surely they'd enjoy chit chatting up one of those old biddies with a pot full of gossip to spice up your delicious soup.
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That's not how I see them though. And my cooking does tend to be pretty bland - how did you know that?
 
Pats said:
That's not how I see them though. And my cooking does tend to be pretty bland - how did you know that?
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We enjoyed your recipe, it was quite filling. As a fellow ex-home health aid, your cooking is exactly what my patients would have liked. Still, no matter how good the food was, my patients always preferred juicy gossip more.
 
I did take the soup to church this morning and asked another who lives next door to them to give it to them.
The rest of the morning at church I actually felt myself go into defense mode and mask mode.
 
Yes, it happens to me. I learned to stop being so hard on myself. I would beat myself up over so many things. It almost cost me my life. Now when that happens I am easier and much more compassionate with myself. Some things I just cannot do right now and may never be able to do. It is frustrating but I try to be more merciful with myself. Much like I would be with a close friend. Would you be hard on us if we told you we made soup but couldn’t bring it to someone because of anxiety? No, I think you would reassure us.
 
Well, at least you were able to go to church. I still haven’t been able to return. But I know what you mean. I do the same and I hate it. I hate it mainly because it makes me feel more isolated when I am already feeling like I need people but I don’t know how to push through and feel comfortable.
 
I am pretty bummed out today too. For Xmas, I sent an old friend a tin full of delicious fresh baked goods, including my most delicious batch ever of home made chocolate marshmellow fudge with walnuts that she keeps asking me for. It's been sitting at her local post office since Xmas because, even though she knows it's there, she refuses to get it. Now it's all stale and disgusting. If only I had known she didn't want it, I could have saved the postage and eaten it my self, or saved the time and calories and not done so much baking, or gave it to the senior center, etc. I wish I'd have sent it to you.
 
Ginseng said:
Yes, it happens to me. I learned to stop being so hard on myself. I would beat myself up over so many things. It almost cost me my life. Now when that happens I am easier and much more compassionate with myself. Some things I just cannot do right now and may never be able to do. It is frustrating but I try to be more merciful with myself. Much like I would be with a close friend. Would you be hard on us if we told you we made soup but couldn’t bring it to someone because of anxiety? No, I think you would reassure us.
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And I ask this to others all the time when they are hard on themselves. :) Thanks for the reminder that it counts with me, too.
 
TempeFan said:
I am pretty bummed out today too. For Xmas, I sent an old friend a tin full of delicious fresh baked goods, including my most delicious batch ever of home made chocolate marshmellow fudge with walnuts that she keeps asking me for. It's been sitting at her local post office since Xmas because, even though she knows it's there, she refuses to get it. Now it's all stale and disgusting. If only I had known she didn't want it, I could have saved the postage and eaten it my self, or saved the time and calories and not done so much baking, or gave it to the senior center, etc. I wish I'd have sent it to you.
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Oh - I wish you had sent it to me, too. :)
 
That is a bummer Tempe. Are you sure she doesn’t want it? Could there be another reason she hadn’t picked it up?
 
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