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Can't follow through

Hi Pats - Your heart is clearly in the right place on this. Your act of kindness should not be wasted. I hope the soup gets there/got there. Accepting the invitation to come in is one of those social courtesies that we find rough - what to say, nothing to say, bored, nervous. I always try to remain optimistic, so I believe you might feel good later on for having accepted the invitation. They wouldn't invite you in if they didn't want to spend time with you. I see it as an extended kindness that goes with the soup. Your visit would benefit them. If they are not already aware, you could tell them about your family event over the holidays - what you made, who has grown, etc. Set your phone alarm if necessary - a reminder to complete your errands. A little bit of extra effort would be very special for them. If your apprehension is really severe, then let it go in a way that suits you. You are demonstrating care, and they just want to reciprocate with a courteous short visit. That's my version of the win-win.
 
Yes this sort of thing happens to me too.

If I lived near you, I would visit and eat soup or crochet together or whatever. Bonus: I am not afraid of silence and I would not pressure you to "visit the sick" or be social in any sort of way that you are not good at / I am not good at either.

I think it is okay to choose to make someone soup or a hat. It is also okay to choose not to. It is okay to drop a get well card in the mail and it is okay to choose not to either. You are not terrible no matter what.

As a child, my mother would demonstrate how to thank someone for a present. Apparently I was supposed to gush hysterical thank yous, best present ever, and immediately stop what I was doing to play with the new toy or change into the new clothes.

I figured a thanks and maybe a smile was good enough. My voice was flat (and remained so until college when a professor taught me to hold my hand under my chin to "hear"/feel accented parts of words).

My mother was overexaggerating what to do. She was trying to get me to modulate my voice perhaps. This was at a time when autistic kids were put into institutions. She did the best she could with what she had.

Your pastor means well I am guessing but perhaps does not get why some social stuff is difficult for you.

I have also learned to say things like "you may be right" or "tell me more" or "You have given me stuff to think about."

My dad said everyone likes to talk about themselves. So maybe ask him a question about himself when he gets going on you like
"how did you decide to be a pastor?" or "how did you meet your wife?" or "how did you become so good at _________?"

I have no more thoughts. Take care of YOU.
 
I wonder what would happen if you'd say 'ill bring you soup on one condition, if you don't ask me in, cause Im terrified of people doing that'
 
I don't know if you saw this but this story was on the news yesterday.

They're calling it soup-gate.

Only the best stories become a gate :)
 
Hi Pats.

Yes, not being able to follow though happens to me all the time.

Having the courage of our convictions is not easy, and I agree with Judge, in that it's not a crime to be our natural selves:), even though there's huge pressure to conform and go against our natural grain. I've had a lifetime of trying to conform, and now that I've given up trying, I feel so much happier and less pressured. I know I am not a 'typical woman' and I now embrace that fact.

This isn't the same as your soup dilemma, but it's in the same vein, I think.

A few of acquaintances (well, fellow female dog walkers) I've known a couple of years have recently tried to be friends with me, inviting me out with them, inviting themselves to my home :eek: (that one put me into panic mode for weeks) and lots of other social gatherings that NTs seem to love - and I keep putting them off, to the point where I have inadvertently created distance between us and they are cool with me. In the past, I think I would have tried to conform, which would have been to the detriment of myself and any potential friendships; but now I am just being myself and keep putting folks off until they give up or get the message.

I do feel a little bad and guilty, but I try not to dwell on that as life's complicated enough for me.

I know now not to put pressures on myself and if that means never 'making soup' for a neighbour, then that's what I need to do.

I think my message is, be yourself and don't feel obliged or under pressure to behave in a manner you're not comfortable, and that means being a little selfish at times.

Could you ask one of your children to take the soup, now that's you've gone to the trouble of making it, or perhaps send a nice greetings card to let her know you are thinking of her.

Try not to let this play on your mind, easier said than done I know.
 
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