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Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Pats, Jan 5, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I made soup for the preacher's wife because she recently had back surgery and can't get around yet. He mother is staying with them to help out. Anyway, I decided I wanted to make some soup and take it over there. Now I can't get myself to take it over there. They'll insist I come in - and I'll feel like I need to go in and speak to the wife, and the preacher, and the mother. Be in their home when I feel like the preacher is having a hard time accepting who I am and is always stressing doing things that I find so hard to do - like visiting the sick. :) It's going to be completely awkward and I will spend the entire time trying to figure out how to get out of there. I mean, just thinking about it puts me in panic mode.
     
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  2. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I know exactly how you feel!!!

    Well, maybe not "exactly" since we're different people, but I've been in the same situation!!

    Well, not "the same" because mine didn't involve soup or a preacher, but similar!

    My first thought was to leave it on the porch, leave, then text them that there might be soup on their porch which is totally weird but to check it out. :D
     
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  3. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Did you tell them that you are bringing soup? I mean, are they expecting it?
     
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  4. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Fino, I really like you. :)
     
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  5. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    No.
     
  6. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Ok, then it's easy - just don't go :)

    Edit: Or go later when you feel up to it.
     
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  7. Bedlamite

    Bedlamite Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    @Pats - Allow your heart to override your Aspergers.
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Wow, thank you!! I really like you too! :)
     
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  9. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    Maybe go in with an excuse for why you can't stay. Go over right before you have to do something else so you can say, "I just wanted to bring this soup and see how [name] is doing before I go off to [thing that allows you to leave quickly]"?
     
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  10. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    In retrospect even when I deliberately push myself to be social, it wasn't such a great idea.

    Sometimes it pays to just follow your instincts, even if they are autistic ones. It's not a crime, Pats. ;)
     
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  11. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    I would just plan on another activity or something that I just have time to drop off the soup but really have to run. Busy busy day you know.
     
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  12. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    See, I'm already shaky and a nervous wreck. I don't think I can do it. Maybe I'll crochet her a hat. Anyone want soup? I'm not a soup person.
    THIS is the thing I dislike most about me.
     
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  13. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    Then let it go. Maybe your kids will drop by and you can give them soup. :) I actually like soup. Wish you were near me. I would go get your soup.
     
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  14. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    If it was in England you could spoon the soup through the letterbox....

    Guess you don't have that option.
     
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  15. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Don't do it if it upsets you that much. We understand. ;)
     
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  16. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Why can such simple things be so hard for us? My entire afternoon is wrecked because of myself. I've let myself get so nervous - scratching at my desk top, breathing impaired, getting a headache. JUST because I thought about doing something.
    Does this happen to any of you?
     
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  17. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Yes.
     
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  18. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I suspect it happens to ALL of us at one time or another.

    In my own case I simply surmised not to allow anyone (including myself) to put me "on the spot". Though as I posted, sometimes while I felt I needed to "push" myself socially turned out to be more of a problem than a solution.

    Especially if it involves socialization where you can't effectively script anything. Where you dwell on just how awkward it might all be, despite your good intentions. "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt".

    It's just who- and what we are. For better or worse at times. Yeah, we get it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2019
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  19. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    It happens to me -- other people's small things are often our really big things. (And vice versa, sometimes...)

    Remember you don't choose for it to be a big thing (who would choose that? and why?), so try not to beat yourself up or get down on yourself about it. Try to be proud of how hard you try at these extremely difficult things, instead.
     
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  20. WittyAspie

    WittyAspie The One And Only V.I.P Member

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    Tortoise and Ginseng beat me to my suggestion. I often play out social scenarios in my head (make up conversations) before engaging in social activities. It helps me feel prepared to deal with people. Sometimes I will go through multiple conversation options so I am prepared for a variety of responses.
     
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