Can an Aspie find balance in a busy life?

[epath13]

I've always wondered if I'm pushing myself too hard, if I'm even capable of achieving all the things I want to achieve. Many people have told me that I have accomplished a lot and that I should take it easy and enjoy what I have instead of aiming for impossible. But the problem is it seems that "impossible" is not in my vocabulary. And now I'm thinking...am I delusional? Considering my slow processing, that I seem to be successful only when I can hyperfocus on one project at a time and often unable to see a bigger picture, it's hard to believe I can sustain a busy life style. Imagine that your day (maybe you don't even have to imagine it, maybe you're living it) is filled from top to bottom, between kids, house, spouse, creative process, all kinds of practices, meetings, you're trying to figure out how to get a business off the ground, and all this on the spectrum... insane... or daring...or stupid? For me it looks like a very exciting adventure but it makes my head spin. It's like running a heavy program on an old computer... but then again... I'm not a computer and my brain has gotten tons of undiscovered potentials... but what if I will never figure out how to make it work... what if 20 years from now I'll be still living in my deteriorating house inside the crumbling frame of the rotten society wondering, what's the hell, why couldn't I choose a proper Asperger's life, a proper human life.
My life coach keeps saying "why do angels fly? Because they take themselves lightly." it is true. when I stop asking questions and have fun with what I do, things don't seem to be that bad even if I'm still confused.... one more thing my coach is almost completely deaf on both ears, he says that he's found strength in his disability and that's what I should do....

so what do you think? Would you rather adjust and avoid things that are too challenging and hard to achieve or would you try to beat the odds?

 

[eon]

do what you love. don't minimize yourself by over-labeling. you are smart at seeing detail and driving to accomplishment of the thing that catches your motivation, as an aspie. follow positive, true aspie perceptions as described by my favorite aspie expert Dr Tony Attwood.

there is no such thing as a proper life, by the way. we don't exist, then we are conceived, born, and eventually our biological equipment decides to shut down or otherwise gets destroyed, so then we don't exist anymore.

or maybe that is proper.

 

[Occasional_Demon]

I agree with not over-identifying with your label. How I view my labels is that they are a name for which to use with health professionals in order to further my treatment, and personally I refuse to restrict myself because of my labels. I remember reading my psychiatrist's report on me when I needed a medical report for a government service, and let's say it wasn't the most flattering report around - apparently my schizoaffective manifests itself in "severe episodes", and I have "poor empathy" due to Asperger's. If I was to take that report to heart, then I would just hide away in my house all day and not do much [and justify it by pointing at the report], but in reality - you and I, like everyone else, are first and foremost human beings with strengths, qualities, abilities, talents and weaknesses. So, if I was to sit behind my labels only, I would be ignoring the fact that behind the label, I have qualities and I would also be ignoring my capabilities.

There is no such thing as a "proper" life, or a "proper Aspie" life. There are no cookie-cutter expectations of how your life "should" be at any given point. If anything, your life should be the best you can make it at your particular point in time.

So - just like everyone else, with or without a label - you can do a lot with your life. It's a matter of organising your life's obligations with the family etc., and it's about planning for the future so you can reach your goals. It's about finding ways of setting the groundwork for your goals. Having something like Asperger's might throw some extra challenges in your direction, but knowing that you have an ASD also means you are more aware of what you need to do in order to work around said challenges.

 

[kasmanaft08]

Personally I thrive best on a busy life. It keeps be a bit sane, but only if it is stable and planned/or routine.

I think if I didn't keep myself busy throughout the day somehow, I'd probably find myself extremely bored and anxious.
Without projects, or a job, or something to keep my mind busy, I'll find mself really depressed and diving into thoughts I'd prefer not to have. I'd honestly, probably never leave or do anything productive on any level.

Not sure if any of that made sense...but yes, I'm happy to keep myself busy with things, even when it seems like I'm pushing myself a bit.

 

[epath13]

Thanks guys.
and yes, proper life doesn't exist but somehow my mind wants to put everything into categories... I think for me it's not exactly about identifying myself with the label but trying to figure out if I can make sense out it all... but I do agree with the comments.
@ kasmanaft08 I think I feel in a similar way. I like busy life style when I need to get out of the house a lot...or from one place to another...and when someone helps me to keep track of the schedule... I wish I could afford a personal assistant right now but then I would need a break and be alone for a day or 2 to shake off the sensory impact.

I know it might be a little off subject and I'm not sure if any of you will return to this thread but have you ever felt that some things make complete sense to you and you logically understand them but at the same time it doesn't make sense... like for instance in school, I was very good at math, I was praised by teachers but what they didn't know is that I almost never studied. I did have to memorize some formulas but that was it. When teacher explained something to us I always thought, "that is so easy! pure logic" but at the same time I couldn't remember anything or couldn't figure out how I can apply all that. I solved all the problems intuitively, sometimes in an unusual way. But if someone asked me why I did that, I wouldn't be able to explain. Another example - schedules, time sheets make complete sense to me but I have huge issue with applying them to my life. And again - here's some bland logic on one side and intuitive use of that logic without finding strong connections on the other. I've read somewhere that "right brain" people tend to be that way but I think in my case, both sides are fine but they are sort of not communicating very well at some level...
any of you guys can relate to that?

 

[kasmanaft08]

@ kasmanaft08 I think I feel in a similar way. I like busy life style... but then I would need a break and be alone for a day or 2 to shake off the sensory impact.

I know it might be a little off subject and I'm not sure if any of you will return to this thread but have you ever felt that some things make complete sense to you and you logically understand them but at the same time it doesn't make sense... like for instance in school, I was very good at math, I was praised by teachers but what they didn't know is that I almost never studied. I did have to memorize some formulas but that was it. When teacher explained something to us I always thought, "that is so easy! pure logic" but at the same time I couldn't remember anything or couldn't figure out how I can apply all that. I solved all the problems intuitively, sometimes in an unusual way. But if someone asked me why I did that, I wouldn't be able to explain. Another example - schedules, time sheets make complete sense to me but I have huge issue with applying them to my life. And again - here's some bland logic on one side and intuitive use of that logic without finding strong connections on the other. I've read somewhere that "right brain" people tend to be that way but I think in my case, both sides are fine but they are sort of not communicating very well at some level...
any of you guys can relate to that?

I agree with you completely on the alone time. If I didn't have a good portion of that daily I will break down from a busy life. I need some sort of break and recharge from the world.

And as for your comment on schedules, there are plenty of things I think I would like or find logical in some way, but I think we can all agree that Aspies are not immune to at least some hypocrisies.

 

[gjl1968]

I've always wondered if I'm pushing myself too hard, if I'm even capable of achieving all the things I want to achieve. Many people have told me that I have accomplished a lot and that I should take it easy and enjoy what I have instead of aiming for impossible. But the problem is it seems that "impossible" is not in my vocabulary. And now I'm thinking...am I delusional? Considering my slow processing, that I seem to be successful only when I can hyperfocus on one project at a time and often unable to see a bigger picture, it's hard to believe I can sustain a busy life style. Imagine that your day (maybe you don't even have to imagine it, maybe you're living it) is filled from top to bottom, between kids, house, spouse, creative process, all kinds of practices, meetings, you're trying to figure out how to get a business off the ground, and all this on the spectrum... insane... or daring...or stupid? For me it looks like a very exciting adventure but it makes my head spin. It's like running a heavy program on an old computer... but then again... I'm not a computer and my brain has gotten tons of undiscovered potentials... but what if I will never figure out how to make it work... what if 20 years from now I'll be still living in my deteriorating house inside the crumbling frame of the rotten society wondering, what's the hell, why couldn't I choose a proper Asperger's life, a proper human life.
My life coach keeps saying "why do angels fly? Because they take themselves lightly." it is true. when I stop asking questions and have fun with what I do, things don't seem to be that bad even if I'm still confused.... one more thing my coach is almost completely deaf on both ears, he says that he's found strength in his disability and that's what I should do....

so what do you think? Would you rather adjust and avoid things that are too challenging and hard to achieve or would you try to beat the odds?

I've spent all my adult life trying to beat the odds undiagnosed, since diagnosis I'm better able to recognise the need to take time out and recharge myself physically and emotionally. A knock on from this isa reduction in my productivity at work and home but a better overall life management - if that makes sense, I have a better sense of well being and am more grateful for doing less, less of the time.

 

[Shawn D]

I have always felt the same way. When I want to do something, I just go for it, without much consideration to how difficult or "impossible" it might be. I find my head in the clouds a lot, and often my husband has to pull me back to Earth and remind me that I have a special needs child to take care of and that I "wanted to be a mother", so I need to put my "dreams", that often change with the wind, on hold.
For instance, my most recent endeavor has been to study genetics independently, since my daughter has a rare genetic syndrome. I've not historically been successful in a professional sense, but in exploring my Aspergers, I've concluded that one day, a career in genetics might not only fit with my interests, but also my personality.
I feel like a bird in a cage now, once feeling incapable of "making it" on my own, now finally knowing who I am and am stuck living a life I only wanted, because I didn't think I was capable of anything more than being a housewife.
Taking care of a special needs baby has shown me just what I'm capable of. Why not add PhD in Statistical Genetics to the list?
"It always seems impossible until it is done" -Nelson Mandela

 

[kyliewyote]

Hi all --
Question to you all from an NT side on scheduling and time. I believe my 'interest' (it's joint interest by the way, but slow, which is fine) is an Aspie. He doesn't work in a typical office job, but his boss says he is scatter-brained and can't get tasks done, even with a list.
Could some of you provide some insight for how tasks and schedules and priorities are managed (or sometimes not) for a little more understanding for me? He is incredibly caring, and will jump up to do anything for anyone. But he does overschedule himself with waaaay too many things, and then a number of them don't get completed.

thanks....!

 

[Datura]

My life isn't even that busy, yet I frequently feel overwhelmed. There are just too many things I feel I SHOULD be doing that I get exhausted just thinking about them and spiral into depression.

I once made a list of all of my goals and the sub-goals I would need to accomplish them. I showed this list to my mom and said, "Imagine taking this list, cutting it into pieces, and throwing it into a whirlwind. That is what my mind is like all the time."

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

Challenge yourself everyday to do more than the day before.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Challenge yourself everyday to do more than the day before.

Does that mean I can challenge myself to take longer naps?