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Bullying

Xavier Marik

Xavier Marik

Well-Known Member
As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?
 
Hello, Marik! I've been away from the forum for two days, so you must be new. Welcome. :)

While I've never been physically abused, I endured years of psychological abuse in school. I think you'll find that most of us here have had issues with bullying.

Where were your parents in this situation, if you don't mind my asking? I know if I were a parent and my kid got beaten to a pulp every day, I'd be raising plenty of hell.
 
I am very interested in this post. I was in fact the bully in school. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything else. I was different and odd so people bullied me. I thought about it in Jr. High and decided I was tired of it. People thought I was odd so I used it. People can be scared of odd and what they don't understand. If they thought I was crazy I used it. Found the biggest guy who bullied me and then bullied him, scared him. No more bullies.
 
Jeez those are some tough bullies. I don't know how to react to this, the only bullying for me was all because of a misunderstanding between me and the neighborhood boys up the street from when I was younger and didn't know when someone was angry with me
 
Oh my...that's quite extreme. Who exactly is causing this physical abuse?
 
Xavier Marik said:
As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?
Click to expand...

Well.. no broken ribs, but mass beatings were at some point part of my daily routine when I was in elementary. Up to the point where I wasn't allowed out during recess because teachers already knew what would happen if I got out. Eventually I changed school (well, my mom decided to do so) so that helped marginally. Obviously bullies still lived in the same neighbourhood
 
In all honesty, I feel that while other people have treated me at a sub-standard, the most damage that was inflicted upon myself, was my own doing. It was if I had two consciousness constantly waging conflict through realms of depression, anxiety and paranoia. Psychologically, my own mind tortured me. I guess being wary of our own thoughts can be more to our benefit the we realize.
 
My son suffered terribly in primary school, both physically and mentally. The unfortunate thing about school kids, is that its a mob mentality, and they can be very cruel. The school preaches a zero tolerance to bullying, but their inaction, speaks volumes. Several kids were suspended, only to come back 2 weeks later even angrier. Ive always taught my son, that violence was a last resort and was a tool of the uneducated. Despite my sons physical size, he would never fight back cos he thought it was wrong. After many attempts to have the school intervene, and after his last physical attack, we took action.
The school was notified, that our son was being restrained from fighting by us, and from this point forward, the chains were coming off. If they couldnt protect our son, we wernt about to have him stand by and take a beating. The next time it happened, our son took matters into his own hands, and as predicted the school did nothing, either way. I wouldnt say my son gained any respect from this, but his bully's backed off.
I by no means condone violence, but for whatever screwed up reasoning, these low lifes target the weak. By reversing this logic, school became survivable. This is only an account of my son's bullying problems and I am not saying works in all cases, or even if it should be attempted.
In our case, desperate times required desperate messures, and something that still weighs on my conscience
 
I was bullied pretty bad during high school too. Mostly emotionally. I was tall and skinny and of course unable to understand what was going on. I was just a kid. Day after day, minutes after minutes, I was stuck with people constantly making fun of me. I was in a very bad school at the time. Not only the kids were bullying me, but the adults too. I remember some horrible situations ... the gym teacher looked at me one day, very seriously, and he told me "You are tall and skinny, so i give you the lowest score of the group, 60%" ... and yeah, I'm the only one that got that low score. I don't recall a single time, in 5 years, that a teacher sat with me to help me with a problem. Half of the classes, the teachers were just in front, talking for 50 minutes then let us go. The other half of the classes, the teachers had no control at all on the students, so they just sat there, reading a book for 50 minutes while the students were talking, yelling, screaming and jumping around ... and me quiet and alone in my corner waiting for the hell to end. Of course, as a good aspie, I couldn't understand why the other kids were acting like that ... it was a mystery to me.

How I did I pass despite the fact I learned nothing? Well, the teachers were just giving random scores most of the time. I only remember 2 or 3 very good teachers from who I learned something ... :) ... The balance of the time, was spent trying to hide from everybody.

At some point, I went to see the director of the school, almost crying and told him i didn't want to go back to the gym classes because everyone was laughing at me and he told me "I don't care, tell that to your teacher." ... Then I told my mom and she was constantly saying "Stop bugging me with that, just ignore them." ... Then my brother that was going to the same school, he was laughing at every friend I was making, leading me to abandon them all because I was ashamed.

I remember that all I wanted day after day, was to go back home as quickly as possible and hide in my bedroom. I remember at some point, i was convinced that I'd have to live like that for the rest of my life. I spent countless days/weeks/months in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing at all, just waiting for the time to pass. No one seemed to care, even a little bit, during that time.

Then my brother and I got a Nintendo for Christmas. It was the best thing ever. Instead of doing nothing, waiting for the time to pass, I was able to escape in video games. Bullying never stopped outside home, but at least I had something to numb my pain once at home. Luckily, my mother didn't restrict my play time. So I was playing from 4pm to midnight and all weekend. ;)

It sounds very disgusting, but I don't blame my mom ... Today, I understand that she had lots of difficult things to deal with at the time. Like feeding us and stuff like that. We always had enough food on the table. She didn't have the time and the skill to deal with my problems and condition even tho, she knew something was horribly wrong in my case. She just prioritized stuff, she thought time would make everything better.

I'm not very close from anybody these days ... I don't feel I have a family really ... i just visit them because I have to. Because its the right thing to do, but I'm not close from them. I can't stand my brother even today. He doesn't understand me at all ... I wonder if grabbing him by the neck skin one day, and force him to listen to me would change anything ... no one in my family knows that I might have aspergers ... they just think I'm special ... I'm still debating as if I should tell them or not ... I don't trust they will understand ... I feel like they would just tell me to stop complaining, like they did when i was a kid.

Overall, bullying wasn't good at all, but there are so many other factor in life that frak up a kid's brain. Looking at my life right now, its pretty good. I did well. Nice job, nice car, nice house, decent archer. Don't see my friends often, but I like them a lot. Can't complain. Learning that I might have aspergers was pretty much the last piece of puzzle missing in my puzzle I think. All my life I thought I was an idiot sub-human for not being to be able to be like all the others. But now I know that I'm just different and i'm starting to understand who I really am.

feeeww ... wall of text ... ;)
 
If I was smarter when I was younger, if someone got physical with me and I didn't know how to deal with it, I would have filed a police report myself to show how serious I was or at least gone to City Hall to ask how to fill out such forms if I couldn't contact the police directly if I didn't feel my school was able to handle the situation. I had a 5th grade teacher who would try to tell me the kids were "just playing" one time. I always tried to keep my distance which definitely helped, but there were subtle things, and I had trouble keeping track of who did what to me. Even if cyber school existed, my parents would not have let me go even though it would've been excellent for me confidence-wise and maybe even academically. I had some support, but my parents really just didn't get it with the whole aspie thing.

One life lesson I've finally learned is that besides that there's no one answer to a situation, we have to find ways where we can be ourselves, but still communicate enough to survive and be respected. We don't have to be social butterflies, but you don't want to totally shut yourself up either.
 
Archer36 said:
I was bullied pretty bad during high school too. Mostly emotionally. I was tall and skinny and of course unable to understand what was going on. I was just a kid. Day after day, minutes after minutes, I was stuck with people constantly making fun of me. I was in a very bad school at the time. Not only the kids were bullying me, but the adults too. I remember some horrible situations ... the gym teacher looked at me one day, very seriously, and he told me "You are tall and skinny, so i give you the lowest score of the group, 60%" ... and yeah, I'm the only one that got that low score. I don't recall a single time, in 5 years, that a teacher sat with me to help me with a problem. Half of the classes, the teachers were just in front, talking for 50 minutes then let us go. The other half of the classes, the teachers had no control at all on the students, so they just sat there, reading a book for 50 minutes while the students were talking, yelling, screaming and jumping around ... and me quiet and alone in my corner waiting for the hell to end. Of course, as a good aspie, I couldn't understand why the other kids were acting like that ... it was a mystery to me.

How I did I pass despite the fact I learned nothing? Well, the teachers were just giving random scores most of the time. I only remember 2 or 3 very good teachers from who I learned something ... :) ... The balance of the time, was spent trying to hide from everybody.

At some point, I went to see the director of the school, almost crying and told him i didn't want to go back to the gym classes because everyone was laughing at me and he told me "I don't care, tell that to your teacher." ... Then I told my mom and she was constantly saying "Stop bugging me with that, just ignore them." ... Then my brother that was going to the same school, he was laughing at every friend I was making, leading me to abandon them all because I was ashamed.

I remember that all I wanted day after day, was to go back home as quickly as possible and hide in my bedroom. I remember at some point, i was convinced that I'd have to live like that for the rest of my life. I spent countless days/weeks/months in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing at all, just waiting for the time to pass. No one seemed to care, even a little bit, during that time.

Then my brother and I got a Nintendo for Christmas. It was the best thing ever. Instead of doing nothing, waiting for the time to pass, I was able to escape in video games. Bullying never stopped outside home, but at least I had something to numb my pain once at home. Luckily, my mother didn't restrict my play time. So I was playing from 4pm to midnight and all weekend. ;)

It sounds very disgusting, but I don't blame my mom ... Today, I understand that she had lots of difficult things to deal with at the time. Like feeding us and stuff like that. We always had enough food on the table. She didn't have the time and the skill to deal with my problems and condition even tho, she knew something was horribly wrong in my case. She just prioritized stuff, she thought time would make everything better.

I'm not very close from anybody these days ... I don't feel I have a family really ... i just visit them because I have to. Because its the right thing to do, but I'm not close from them. I can't stand my brother even today. He doesn't understand me at all ... I wonder if grabbing him by the neck skin one day, and force him to listen to me would change anything ... no one in my family knows that I might have aspergers ... they just think I'm special ... I'm still debating as if I should tell them or not ... I don't trust they will understand ... I feel like they would just tell me to stop complaining, like they did when i was a kid.

Overall, bullying wasn't good at all, but there are so many other factor in life that frak up a kid's brain. Looking at my life right now, its pretty good. I did well. Nice job, nice car, nice house, decent archer. Don't see my friends often, but I like them a lot. Can't complain. Learning that I might have aspergers was pretty much the last piece of puzzle missing in my puzzle I think. All my life I thought I was an idiot sub-human for not being to be able to be like all the others. But now I know that I'm just different and i'm starting to understand who I really am.

feeeww ... wall of text ... ;)
Click to expand...

I'm glad you're doing better now. I don't know if I would tell your family (if it were me), unless you're officially diagnosed. That's up to you, of course. I just don't think they would take it seriously. I'm sorry you went through all of that, but thank goodness for Nintendo, huh?
 
Learn Ju Jitsu, wrestling, boxing or self defense. Happens to the best of us.


Xavier Marik said:
As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?
Click to expand...
 
Better to hunt [attack] four men who are "hunting" you...turns the tables and scares the peanuts out of em ;)


walkerbretm said:
I am very interested in this post. I was in fact the bully in school. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything else. I was different and odd so people bullied me. I thought about it in Jr. High and decided I was tired of it. People thought I was odd so I used it. People can be scared of odd and what they don't understand. If they thought I was crazy I used it. Found the biggest guy who bullied me and then bullied him, scared him. No more bullies.
Click to expand...
 
When I was younger, I attempted to learn a martial art, possibly in part to deal with bullying (my memories are a bit fuzzy on that, this was over 20 years ago) and I ended up with a martial arts instructor who made fun of my fat, unathletic 12 year old self for not being able to do pushups on my knuckles on a hard floor and seemed to want me to wash out as quickly as possible, so that wasn't a very useful strategy to me (I never had broken ribs or anything, but I did have to deal with some physical bullying from time to time when I was younger). Just wanted to mention this as an example of how martial arts are not any kind of magical solution to bullying (Yes, there is a place for practical age and ability-appropriate self-defense training, but I think most people involved with martial arts would say that wanting to learn to beat people up is not a good reason to learn a martial art).
 
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I protected weaker fat kids from being bullied. The bulllies didn't like it when I said they have to fight me first.

Xavier Marik said:
As I wrote in my personnal introduction, I have been bullyied both physically and emotionally. Broken ribs, punches in the face, being scared of everyone was my daily routine. Did it happen to other people around here?
Click to expand...
 
You might be right-this is an emotional issue for me as I feel Martial Arts saved my life. So maybe I'm looking at this topic from rose colored glasses [something like that.] Please dismiss my passion, it's not directed at you. This is a topic close to my heart as I always hated bullies. My biggest bully was my father.

What a horrible experience you had! I agree there are quite a few bad Martial art instructors. I ran into one. Wish I had been your Coach. You would have been treated the same way I treated my stepson and his friends. For a real Instructor, its not an unathletic body vs athletic body that counts. But the soul & will power inside the body.

I had the opposite experience as my generation grew up outdoors everyday and we were very athletic. But my stepson wasn't as athletic so I had to protect him from bullies once. Then I taught him self defence.

Bad instructors and bad schools might do what you said. But Martial arts got me off the streets when I was 16, gave me confidence and changed my life. Few attempted to bully me before I joined Martial arts [I was a naturally strong wrestler] and after martial arts training even my main enemy [a larger guy] refused to fight me after he did some bad sh*t to my friends & me.

Bullies in our dojos who hurt others especially smaller younger opponents, often were taught a lesson not to bully. If they continued many times they were pushed out or kicked out of the Dojo. I know; I defended smaller and weaker members who asked me for protection from bullies. I've seen the exact same thing in all true dojos following the philosophy of Martial Arts.


"Just wanted to mention this as an example of how martial arts are not any kind of magical solution to bullying..."

I can't agree with that-example-Ju Jitsu. Bullying GONE in six months. That's pretty magical!!!!!! There will always be bullying in the human race.

"...but I think most people involved with martial arts would say that wanting to learn to beat people up is a good reason to learn a martial art)..."

Please study the philosophy of Martial arts. True Martial arts is the reverse of your description. It is mostly about meditation, exercise and learning to be a peaceful non fighter.

Most of those who "want to learn enough martial arts to beat someone up" usually did not last long in any real dojo [it's too much discipline] to become advanced students. They got washed out or pushed out of the real dojos and somtimes end up as streetfighters.

I'm sad because you sounded like the perfect student-willing to learn but having gotten bullied at a martial arts school!!!!!!!!!! Under a good instructor you would have thrived, gotten positive attention, friends, your self esteem would have soared and you would have known the real meaning of peace.

Ok I'm not perfect but I am knowledgble in this area. Training by the most serious students is more for meditation and finding the Way of life. Something like that. May you rethink this and hopefully one day you will meet a good sensitive instructor should you choose.

Until then, dang@ I wish I had been there to have protected you! Students like you made the schools GREAT. Because you always had the best attitudes and made the best friends. I'm sorry you had this negative experience and hope not to sound like I am attacking you. Rather I am mad at the dumb instructors [and there might be many] who allowed what happened to you to happen to others.



IContainMultitudes said:
When I was younger, I attempted to learn a martial art, possibly in part to deal with bullying (my memories are a bit fuzzy on that, this was over 20 years ago) and I ended up with a martial arts instructor who made fun of my fat, unathletic 12 year old self for not being able to do pushups on my knuckles on a hard floor and seemed to want me to wash out as quickly as possible, so that wasn't a very useful strategy to me (I never had broken ribs or anything, but I did have to deal with some physical bullying from time to time when I was younger). Just wanted to mention this as an example of how martial arts are not any kind of magical solution to bullying (Yes, there is a place for practical age and ability-appropriate self-defense training, but I think most people involved with martial arts would say that wanting to learn to beat people up is a good reason to learn a martial art).
Click to expand...
 
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