taquitolover
Member
Hello everyone. I am not on the spectrum, my boyfriend is, so i hope it is okay to post here and ask for some insight and advice.
i don’t know if this has any importance but my boyfriend has ASD, ADHD and OCD. my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 months and we’ve always had good communication and have been good listeners to each other. recently we had our first emotional conversation. i brought up a lot of pent up emotion/hurt over the times he’s stared at other women in my company. it was in the back of my mind and the back of his too apparently, so there were a lot of tears especially on his part. he feels really awful about it, really really awful.. now that we’ve talked about it, I’ve forgiven him, because he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met and i’m so happy with him, this wasn’t something worth breaking up for me, especially since i know he’s someone that genuinely cares and loves me (he shows me in so many ways). I could tell this was eating at him though and i feel this has tanked his confidence as a boyfriend. however, a few days ago, it seems he got overwhelmed. and he was exhausted. he felt this meant he couldn’t fully love, couldn’t fully commit and he thought he was hurting me/ would hurt me, so he broke up with me and said something he couldn't take back. i was really hurt, of course, but after he dropped me off he texted me two hours later asking for forgiveness and for me to take him back. he said he realized he was scared, that he'd get tired of fighting and make a mistake but that it wasn’t an excuse not to, how much he loves me and everything he'd do for me. He said he understood if we couldn't happen again, and while i’m hurt i care for him and want to be with him so i accepted him back. i’m upset and he knows that it’ll take a bit of time for me to feel safe, he knows this and he accepts it. i've asked him of him some things to help in the process. (reassurance and if he could write me a letter) but i know he’s still struggling with feeling like a failure in many areas and it’s causing him a lot of stress. i’m trying to give him space, is there anything else i can do? for him and for myself, thank you.
i don’t know if this has any importance but my boyfriend has ASD, ADHD and OCD. my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 months and we’ve always had good communication and have been good listeners to each other. recently we had our first emotional conversation. i brought up a lot of pent up emotion/hurt over the times he’s stared at other women in my company. it was in the back of my mind and the back of his too apparently, so there were a lot of tears especially on his part. he feels really awful about it, really really awful.. now that we’ve talked about it, I’ve forgiven him, because he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met and i’m so happy with him, this wasn’t something worth breaking up for me, especially since i know he’s someone that genuinely cares and loves me (he shows me in so many ways). I could tell this was eating at him though and i feel this has tanked his confidence as a boyfriend. however, a few days ago, it seems he got overwhelmed. and he was exhausted. he felt this meant he couldn’t fully love, couldn’t fully commit and he thought he was hurting me/ would hurt me, so he broke up with me and said something he couldn't take back. i was really hurt, of course, but after he dropped me off he texted me two hours later asking for forgiveness and for me to take him back. he said he realized he was scared, that he'd get tired of fighting and make a mistake but that it wasn’t an excuse not to, how much he loves me and everything he'd do for me. He said he understood if we couldn't happen again, and while i’m hurt i care for him and want to be with him so i accepted him back. i’m upset and he knows that it’ll take a bit of time for me to feel safe, he knows this and he accepts it. i've asked him of him some things to help in the process. (reassurance and if he could write me a letter) but i know he’s still struggling with feeling like a failure in many areas and it’s causing him a lot of stress. i’m trying to give him space, is there anything else i can do? for him and for myself, thank you.