Books on understanding and befriending people with low self-esteem?

[Tired]

@Judge here recommended a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I got genuinely interested in it and will soon finish it. While the book doesnt feel particularly unique or talk about ideas I didnt already know, it explains them in more depth and from interesting perspectives. It definitely gave me food for thought, and I'll try to apply its suggestions more often. I know that I am a good listener and it is pretty easy for me to find friends, but I would still like to get deeper into the topic, because I also know that for many people who don't know me I may seem weird in the start, which is rarely a good thing.

Anyway... the problem I have with the book is that it seems to focus mostly on befriending people who like admiration and status. I know my SO and some other people who have low self-esteem, and they dont behave like the people Carnegie describes. Praise (even when genuine) and showing a lot of interest in people with low self-esteem can often make them suspicious.

So I wanted to ask: do any of you know any books about understanding and befriending (and maybe even helping) people with low self-esteem? I dont have the highest self-esteem myself, but its not the worst either, so who knows, maybe those books will help me as well!

I asked an AI for this, and it suggested The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Gifts of Imperfection, and Just Listen. Yet I wanted to ask here for human input and ideas as well

I’ve never read psychology books before, but I'm slowly starting to get interested in them.

 

[JayLapointe]

Unfortunately I don't have anything to suggest in terms of books specifically for those with low-self esteem. I was just going to say that with the DC book it isn't surprising that the ideas aren't new to you as that book is pretty old and basically the template for 100's of other books since like it. I think the book is from the 30's. Dealing with folks with mental health issues like low self-esteem wasn't really a thing back then. You were either crazy enough to be committed, or you were just strange.

I think you're on the right track though looking into psychology materials proper. Should I come across anything to do with the topic of low self-esteem specifically I'll let you know. I'm currently, very part time, working on picking up a psych degree. Only in the intro courses in at this point. Also taking a "Mental Health Leadership in the Workplace" mini course. Just started that, and I suspect there will be some talk around self-esteem. I'll report back.

 

[Tired]

Unfortunately I don't have anything to suggest in terms of books specifically for those with low-self esteem. I was just going to say that with the DC book it isn't surprising that the ideas aren't new to you as that book is pretty old and basically the template for 100's of other books since like it. I think the book is from the 30's. Dealing with folks with mental health issues like low self-esteem wasn't really a thing back then. You were either crazy enough to be committed, or you were just strange.

Oh, I actually didn't notice that it is a book from 30's, makes more sense now.

I think you're on the right track though looking into psychology materials proper. Should I come across anything to do with the topic of low self-esteem specifically I'll let you know. I'm currently, very part time, working on picking up a psych degree. Only in the intro courses in at this point. Also taking a "Mental Health Leadership in the Workplace" mini course. Just started that, and I suspect there will be some talk around self-esteem. I'll report back.

Are you doing it to understand yourself and people better, or you want it to become your profession in the future?

Thank you so much, looking forward to hearing more from you more on this topic. And good luck with your degree!

 

[JayLapointe]

Are you doing it to understand yourself and people better, or you want it to become your profession in the future?

That would be yes, yes, and possibly yes. Ultimately I'd like to work in some capacity helping those with mental health issues, particularly the cross section that is addiction & neurodivergence. I have a proper career at the moment that I can't see walking away from having more years in than I have left till retirement. But I'll retire early in my mid 50's. What I'd like to do is become a mental health resource as part of my current job, and then eventually part-time sort of thing work in addictions support in retirement. Early 40's now, with the aim to finish the degree by 50 part time.

 

[Judge]

Oh, I actually didn't notice that it is a book from 30's, makes more sense now.

Apparently Dale Carnegie's daughter has attempted a more modern update of her father's book. Though how "modern" it actually is would be anyone's guess:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1982171456

Dale Carnegie Celebrates the Relaunch of a Classic for a New Generation: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: Time-Tested Methods for Conquering Worry

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I remember the hype when this book first come out. He made his living lecturing on it. Just noticed he died same year I was born.

 

[Matthias]

Low self-esteem can be overcome by regularly choosing to think more positively. People with low self-esteem need help to improve their thinking, not everyone else to cater to their self-esteem issues.

 

[Judge]

Kind of disturbing not to see a proliferation of other authors writing on the same subject in the present.

Yet many sources seem to continue to imply that Carnegie's book is "timeless". Not so sure about that...

 

[Tired]

That would be yes, yes, and possibly yes. Ultimately I'd like to work in some capacity helping those with mental health issues, particularly the cross section that is addiction & neurodivergence. I have a proper career at the moment that I can't see walking away from having more years in than I have left till retirement. But I'll retire early in my mid 50's. What I'd like to do is become a mental health resource as part of my current job, and then eventually part-time sort of thing work in addictions support in retirement. Early 40's now, with the aim to finish the degree by 50 part time.

Sounds like a great plan which doesn't force you to hurry anywhere. Good luck with it!

 

[Shamar]

@Judge here recommended a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I got genuinely interested in it and will soon finish it. While the book doesnt feel particularly unique or talk about ideas I didnt already know, it explains them in more depth and from interesting perspectives. It definitely gave me food for thought, and I'll try to apply its suggestions more often. I know that I am a good listener and it is pretty easy for me to find friends, but I would still like to get deeper into the topic, because I also know that for many people who don't know me I may seem weird in the start, which is rarely a good thing.

Anyway... the problem I have with the book is that it seems to focus mostly on befriending people who like admiration and status. I know my SO and some other people who have low self-esteem, and they dont behave like the people Carnegie describes. Praise (even when genuine) and showing a lot of interest in people with low self-esteem can often make them suspicious.

So I wanted to ask: do any of you know any books about understanding and befriending (and maybe even helping) people with low self-esteem? I dont have the highest self-esteem myself, but its not the worst either, so who knows, maybe those books will help me as well!

I asked an AI for this, and it suggested The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Gifts of Imperfection, and Just Listen. Yet I wanted to ask here for human input and ideas as well

I’ve never read psychology books before, but I'm slowly starting to get interested in them.

The Carnegie book was written for NTs, and people who are capable of communicating (and actually having friendships). I read it, and found it nearly useless because it assumed capabilities I did not have. If you are not capable of basic socializing, the book is pretty much useless, as you found out.

In a similar situation, I once signed up for a job finding course I couldn't really afford. The gist of it was to go to someone in authority of a company, introduce yourself, and ask for references. Then, go to those references and ask for more references, eventually building a network of people to advise you of suitable job openings. I could not imagine being capable of doing anything close to that. I only learned this after I paid (no refunds). This was long before I learned about my autism.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The Carnegie book was written for NTs, and people who are capable of communicating (and actually having friendships). I read it, and found it nearly useless because it assumed capabilities I did not have. If you are not capable of basic socializing, the book is pretty much useless, as you found out.

In a similar situation, I once signed up for a job finding course I couldn't really afford. The gist of it was to go to someone in authority of a company, introduce yourself, and ask for references. Then, go to those references and ask for more references, eventually building a network of people to advise you of suitable job openings. I could not imagine being capable of doing anything close to that. I only learned this after I paid (no refunds). This was long before I learned about my autism.

Did that also had no idea i was on spectrum what worked for me was getting so much specialized education and experience, I could no longer be ignored. Now retired and they want what I learned kept away from competitors. Net working not something we do well.