Big oops!

[Andrew Campbell]

So, when I was in high school, there was this girl I really, really liked. We were really good friends. At Homecoming, I mustered enough courage to ask her to dance. She said no. I later told her that I liked her. She said she didn't like me like that, but still wanted to be friends. The next day, the principal took me into his office, and told me that I had to stay away from her, because I had "scared" her.

To this day, I wonder: What did I do wrong?

 

[wyverary]

Unless there was anything specific you did between the time she told you she "didn't like [you] like that" and the time you were called into the principal's office, I'd say...nothing? It could be that this girl thought she had got the message across at the dance when she said "no" and when you approached her later it felt a little bit weird...but otherwise, I can't see how you did anything wrong.

I take it you are out of high school. So in any case, put that behind you; we all, especially Spergys, and even the girl you mention, do stupid and naïve crap when we're that age (I know I did!). Just think about how much you've grown, not about how you were when you were a stupid hormonally-crazed teenager.

 

[Andrew Campbell]

True. Very true

 

[tlc]

I'd say you got lucky that you didn't have a boyfriend or admirer come beat the crap out of you for it. I've seen it happen and it scares me. I've been in your situation many times, for example gotten kicked out of a teen dance and new years even party just for being my quiet self, people said I scared them. There was a girl I liked at school and I waved at her once from my car as I left school and next day her brother came up and got in my face and said to leave her alone.

Really you didn't do anything wrong at all. Problem is most people are just totally irrational and there's nothing you can do about it. I haven't had much of those kind of problems since after college but then again I don't go to social places anymore or talk to women unless I've met them online first. Thankfully online chat and dating sites have weeded out the ones who aren't looking to begin with and up until awhile ago I'd been using them since 1997.

 

[Judge]

So, when I was in high school, there was this girl I really, really liked. We were really good friends. At Homecoming, I mustered enough courage to ask her to dance. She said no. I later told her that I liked her. She said she didn't like me like that, but still wanted to be friends. The next day, the principal took me into his office, and told me that I had to stay away from her, because I had "scared" her.

To this day, I wonder: What did I do wrong?

Timing.

The girl told you she didn't want to dance. For a Neurotypical, that means a lot. To an Aspie, it meant she didn't want to dance at the time.

From her perspective it was supposed to be a queue for you to back off- indefinitely. Instead of backing off, you pushed it up a notch by telling her you liked her, which probably freaked her out. All you were doing was being honest.

No one is at fault over such a thing. It's just one of those classic gaps in communication between a Neurotypical and an Aspie. All you can do is to learn from such an experience in how sequence and timing can be very important to some people.

 

[Andrew Campbell]

Yeah. I have learned. It was just my first love and all that.

 

[Vanilla]

It could possibly also be an Aspie thing, that we can come across the wrong way. We aren't always able to display the correct emotions on the outside, which confuses NTs. Most people consider me intimidating when they first meet me, but those who get to know me realise that their initial impression was all wrong. I'd say first impressions can get many Aspies in trouble.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to ask those close to you how you come across. If you don't have anyone you can talk to about this stuff, you can try talking in front of a mirror, or on a video camera, and try to judge for yourself. We can't always see ourselves as others see us, so asking others is a good way to go.

 

[Andrew Campbell]

I see. That's a good idea . I'll have to try that.

 

[Ereth]

It could be that this girl thought she had got the message across at the dance when she said "no" and when you approached her later it felt a little bit weird...but otherwise, I can't see how you did anything wrong.

That's exactly what it sounds like to me. Andrew, you probably came off as too intense. It's not that you did anything wrong or that anybody necessarily thought you did anything wrong, but it's easy to seem clingy or too forward when you really like somebody, especially at that age.

 

[Peace]

So, when I was in high school, there was this girl I really, really liked. We were really good friends. At Homecoming, I mustered enough courage to ask her to dance. She said no. I later told her that I liked her. She said she didn't like me like that, but still wanted to be friends. The next day, the principal took me into his office, and told me that I had to stay away from her, because I had "scared" her.

To this day, I wonder: What did I do wrong?

You cannot figure out, what does not add up. It was not your act that caused a problem, it was her perception that did. She may have been reacting to a number of things. From thinking that you reminded her of someone, to having had bad experiences with her dad. I believe that because we are aware that something is different about us, that we may be overly sensitive about things, or even self conscience.
Remember that the difference between fear and confidence is perception.
Good luck my friend, and believe in yourself.

 

[Andrew Campbell]

Thanks. Yeah, that makes perfect sense

 

[tlc]

The only part I can't figure out is what kind of really good friend would go backstab you by turning you in to the principal just for nicely saying you liked her? If she was just another girl you didn't know at the dance then sure, but a good friend? Oh well you try to use logic and most others are irrational, so just do the best you can and call it good.

 

[Ereth]

I really don't think it's "backstabbing." As far as I can tell, there was no malicious intent. We're talking about a young lady who probably got a little scared by what she perceived to be unwelcome advances and likely didn't know how to handle it, so she did the safe thing---she went to an adult. Getting scared by this sort of thing isn't something that's at all exclusive to strangers. I'm not saying Andrew did anything wrong, but having been a teenage girl once, I can understand being unsure about a classmate's intentions---even when the person in question is a close friend.

 

[Ste11aeres]

So, when I was in high school, there was this girl I really, really liked. We were really good friends. At Homecoming, I mustered enough courage to ask her to dance. She said no. I later told her that I liked her. She said she didn't like me like that, but still wanted to be friends. The next day, the principal took me into his office, and told me that I had to stay away from her, because I had "scared" her.

To this day, I wonder: What did I do wrong?

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.
Maybe, being as young as she was, she was just easily scared, so she confided in an adult.
When I was young, I got really scared if a guy spoke to me with romantic intentions, even if he did/said nothing inappropriate. To me, just being spoken to was scary.

Now later I realize that I just said the same thing Ereth said, but she said it better.

 

[Peace]

I really don't think it's "backstabbing." As far as I can tell, there was no malicious intent. We're talking about a young lady who probably got a little scared by what she perceived to be unwelcome advances and likely didn't know how to handle it, so she did the safe thing---she went to an adult. Getting scared by this sort of thing isn't something that's at all exclusive to strangers. I'm not saying Andrew did anything wrong, but having been a teenage girl once, I can understand being unsure about a classmate's intentions---even when the person in question is a close friend.

Having raised two girls, I agree with Ereth.