Being asked if you're autistic

[vergil96]

It annoys the hell out of me. Why is it anyone's business?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

It annoys the hell out of me. Why is it anyone's business?

Your right it's not. Not having been diagnosed. easy to answer, no idea.

 

[AprilR]

Never been asked, since there is no one around me that know autistic people can talk, live on their own etc.

Now that i think about it, it would def. make me feel vulnerable and self conscious if someone asked me that though. Especially not knowing their intention.

I think you can just lie to them, or say "I don't think this matter concerns you" which i don't think is rude

 

[vergil96]

I tell them that who knows, maybe. I don't hand out medical information to strangers.

 

[AprilR]

Good idea. That's also what my therapist told me when i told her i felt like i needed to "explain myself" this is medical knowledge and i don't have to explain anything.

 

[vergil96]

It annoys me that there are plenty of obvious autistics where I work and they don't get asked and who gets asked is me. What is even prompting such questions? What is not prompting such questions, on the other hand, when people see someone who moves awkwardly, has a mild speech impediment, makes clearly abnormal eye contact and facial expressions and keeps on doing some repetitive movement with their fingers?

 

[Crossbreed]

It annoys me that there are plenty of obvious autistics where I work and they don't get asked and who gets asked is me. What is even prompting such questions? What is not prompting such questions, on the other hand, when people see someone who moves awkwardly, has a mild speech impediment, makes clearly abnormal eye contact and facial expressions and keeps on doing some repetitive movement with their fingers?

What kind of place do you work at?
What do you do there?

 

[vergil96]

What kind of place do you work at?
What do you do there?

Lecturing computer science and reasearch.

 

[Crossbreed]

Lecturing computer science and reasearch.

In that field, it seems like NTs would be the exception...

 

[vergil96]

My theory is that it's obvious that those people are "weird". And it's not obvious if I'm "weird", I'm borderline "weird". It's hard to judge yourself, so I don't know what I'm doing or lacking in each regard.

 

[AprilR]

If you work somewhere where there are also other autistic people, maybe they don't ask this in an insulting manner? Maybe they are just curious.

But in anyway, it is an invasive question.

 

[Cutesie]

The answer to your question, @vergil96, seems obvious. Those other people are assumed by everyone to be autistic, so there's no reason for anyone to ask.

 

[UFO]

Oops... Cutesie made it first.

It annoys me that there are plenty of obvious autistics where I work and they don't get asked and who gets asked is me.

Probably they think that they don't need to ask about it if signs are obvious?

In general I do realize that it might be better to not ask such questions from anyone... I have once made without thinking such a question from a person whose way of speaking and even laughing was so monotonous that I just out of curiosity asked him has he been diagnosed with anything. Totally innocent question to me, just meant to learn something about an interesting person. But I immediately realized from his confused and perhaps little bit scared face that I had stepped over boundaries again... I quickly explained clumsily that I didn't mean to be rude and tried to signal that it wasn't any attempt to bully or touch a sore spot or anything

 

[vergil96]

If you work somewhere where there are also other autistic people, maybe they don't ask this in an insulting manner? Maybe they are just curious.

But in anyway, it is an invasive question.

Fair point. I would be happy to talk about autism, but I'm really afraid of gossip and I don't want to put myself in a light that might look like being potentially unable to do the job. I don't think anyone actually believes that I'm unable to do the job, but I've had my share of ableism. Especially about autism when it acts up.

Oops... Cutesie made it first.

Probably they think that they don't need to ask about it if signs are obvious?

In general I do realize that it might be better to not ask such questions from anyone... I have once made without thinking such a question from a person whose way of speaking and even laughing was so monotonous that I just out of curiosity asked him has he been diagnosed with anything. Totally innocent question to me, just meant to learn something about an interesting person. But I immediately realized from his confused and perhaps little bit scared face that I had stepped over boundaries again... I quickly explained clumsily that I didn't mean to be rude and tried to signal that it wasn't any attempt to bully or touch a sore spot or anything

Hmmm I see. So that's the intent behind these questions.

So do you think it's interesting? Something like the monotonous voice?

It actually describes me a lot, monotonous voice, I don't make a lot of eye contact and don't make a lot of facial expressions.

 

[Outdated]

Fair point. I would be happy to talk about autism, but I'm really afraid of gossip and I don't want to put myself in a light that might look like being potentially unable to do the job. I don't think anyone actually believes that I'm unable to do the job, but I've had my share of ableism. Especially about autism when it acts up.

Big tip - true in every commercial industry - if anyone thought you incapable of doing the job you would no longer be in that job. You need to learn to have a little more faith in both yourself and those around you.

 

[UFO]

So that's the intent behind these questions.

Not necessarily. But in my case it was.

Some people might ask about it just to be a jerk and to establish sense of superiority and pecking order... I can't tell when it is so, so I choose to initially assume that any annoying or offensive questions are innocent and well-meaning...

So do you think it's interesting? Something like the monotonous voice?

I had just started at a new work and I was in a process of getting know the place and its people. As I knew nothing about him, his voice felt more worthy topic to start a discussion and showing some genuine interest towards him than mundane "it is a cloudy day today" -routine (which feels a moronic way to talk with people). I could have asked if he has kids, or if likes to work there, or something, but those things were not really interesting to me as they always result same basic answers, so I just ended up with a rather inappropriate question...

Btw. This was before I knew anything about autism other than Rainman, so it wasn't any conscious thought like "hey, this guy might be my kind of people". If I would have known about my potential autism already back then, I would have more likely started the conversation saying "By the way, I believe that I am an autistic person. Do you know that your way of speaking is more like my kind of thing?" Thought that might have probably been borderline inappropriate as well... I really can't judge these things myself

 

[vergil96]

Big tip - true in every commercial industry - if anyone thought you incapable of doing the job you would no longer be in that job. You need to learn to have a little more faith in both yourself and those around you.

I have quite bad experiences with someone pinning me down as having the disorder called autism. It can be summed up as being assumed to be socially incompetent or an idiot. Being perceived as strange or awkward is very differrent from being perceived as disordered.

It's also the people who broadcast everything (I'm speaking of particular coworkers) they get to know that like to ask too personal questions.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I have quite bad experiences with someone pinning me down as having the disorder called autism. It can be summed up as being assumed to be socially incompetent or an idiot. Being perceived as strange or awkward is very differrent from being perceived as disordered.

It's also the people who broadcast everything (I'm speaking of particular coworkers) they get to know that like to ask too personal questions.

I was thinking about that same thing last night and this thought occurred to me:

Autism may say something about how your mind works, but it doesn't imply anything about how well your mind works.

 

[velociraptor]

I don't have people ask if I'm autistic so much as state I must be after they see the level of detail I go into for my interests. Doesn't bother me, but it would be nicer if people would call me a sexy beast instead.

 

[vergil96]

Autism may say something about how your mind works, but it doesn't imply anything about how well your mind works.

I feel bad about having conversations about autism, because I don't want to lie, but I do have the disorder. But it's not an intellectual or personality disorder. My difficulties have to do with sensory issues and change.