• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Being a bisexual Aspie

you should come over to the chatroom, I am in there quite a bit if I am home, we can talk if you want to. I will say once I was diagnosed, things I have dealt with my whole life and why I do things the way I do......made a bunch more sense.
 
Okay we can do that then. I may come on chat tomorrow after school. -_- I hate some school days sometimes.
 
later in the evening, about the same time as now. working on putting up a new fence, so I wont be on till about now tomorrow. But I am normaly on till around 11:30pm eastern time.
 
Ahh, I won't be on until 4:30 tomorrow evening my time (central time). I'm going to have a busy day at school. I have to turn in a career paper for English class, make a video project in Digital Arts and Design class and who knows what else will happen
 
Tyler Ford said:
I have never told much anybody this but I was sexually abused as a six year old. My cousin forced me to suck his cock so I would stop crying.
Click to expand...
This sounds like a severe abuse to me. Such childhood traumas can lead later on in life to cognitive difficulties in understanding sexuality. In scientific literature these ideas are more expanded and better described, I am not an expert here so I wont add much to it. Nevertheless I feel sorry for you that you had such an experience :(
 
Rumor has it that bisexuality and pansexuality are more common among Aspies than NTs. But given that the Kinsey report apparently says that ~25% of males are bisexual (as opposed to the ~1% of the male population who identify as bi/pan) it seems likely that Aspies are just accepting things about themselves that NTs try to repress.

Surveys show that both straight women and gay men prefer to avoid bi men. That shouldn't be a problem, you're better off single than dating a jerk (seriously - I know you won't agree now but in 15 years you probably will).

In regard to child sexual abuse, it's probably a good sign that you feel able to talk about it on a forum. But please don't tell anything here that you haven't already told a psychologist.

Finally on forums such as this you'll find people who are 30+ and haven't had a relationship. Don't stress about these things. Have fun dating people, sometimes you'll date a jerk but that's almost never a serious problem. Learn from your mistakes. In 10+ years time advise teenagers to relax about these things.
 
Oh. I didn't know that. I guess I can see the connection though. Yeah, I accept myself as I am. I know that some NT's don't accept themselves for who they truly are.
I agree with you there. I'd rather be in love with someone who accepts me for me than date a total jerk who tells me I need to change who I am.
I haven't told any more than what I have told my counselor. I'm not discussing more than what I tell to my own counselor. I don't want to freak people out as I already do. Most NT's avoid me because they think I'm odd but truth be told, I'm okay with being odd but I hate being last at everything.
I'm actually wanting to focus on school rather than a relationship though. :) School is more important to me right now.
 
Focusing on school is a good thing. Also you might want to investigate whether there's some sort of group for GLBT people around your age. Having people to talk to about GLBT issues is usually a good thing. It might be good for you to find some people who are a few years older than you, so they have gone through similar experiences recently enough that they can still remember it.
 
Tyler Ford said:
I have never told much anybody this but I was sexually abused as a six year old. My cousin forced me to suck his cock so I would stop crying. I still cringe at that thought. He was 17 at the time. This incident happened 11 years ago and he still doesn't have it in his heart to even confess what he did. I told my family the truth and he is distancing myself. He probably didn't think I would tell the truth on him.
Click to expand...

Hello, Tyler. I am brand new here--the bisexual NT partner of a bisexual AS man. I hope you won't mind my input, here.

First, let me say I am terribly sorry for what happened to you as a boy, and of course that other young man should have never done such a thing to you. From ages 9 to 13, I suffered sexual abuse by an adult at my boarding school, and I have spent a great deal of my adult life (I'm 58) struggling with how my sexual orientation may be linked to that early experience. What I've decided is that it doesn't matter. You might consider doing the same. If you find yourself attracted to both men and women and you enjoy the idea of being with either, than that is who you are and it's something you can and should learn to embrace. You might even consider yourself lucky to have that many more potential partners to chose from. Someday you may find you have a distinct preference, but for now, thoughtful exploration of your sexuality is the best medicine.

If you'll indulge me, you might find something in my partner's history that resonates with you. He is okay with my sharing this information.

My partner, John, started out exclusively with women, because that's what was all around him and more than anything he wanted to fit in. He grew up in a time when homosexuality and related activities were still very much taboo, so he never even considered what feelings he may have had along those lines. Women weren't turning him on, much, so he made a rather academic study of pornography, thinking he might just need to be doing different things. What he found through this, quite by accident, was that it was men who excited him most. At first he was elated, having solved the puzzle he was working on. Then it set in that being attracted to men would put him further on the social fringes than he already was. You're lucky in that today, there are plenty of LGBT groups where you can share experiences. The poster who said it was a good idea to join one is right on the mark.

Also, because of his AS, John has no "gaydar", and is blind to the signals that would indicate a man's interest in him (if this sounds like you, a LGBT group would be a good place to meet people). As such, he was well into his thirties before he ever tried sex with a man. Today, he prefers it. But it wasn't an easy learning process. He had to learn to have a thicker skin in terms of dealing with rejection whilst he learned about his sexuality. He taught himself to take away the best of his bad experiences--brushing off the hurt and being grateful for the lessons he learned about his own sexual self. Over the long run, it has made him more confident in who he is and what he likes and wants. That knowledge has also made him stronger at dealing with the times when things don't work out.

When we first met, John and I had a frank discussion about our sexual orientation. He said he feels that he may mostly be attracted to men because a man's body and sexual feelings are more familiar to him, and therefore, more comfortable and appealing since he has so much trouble with social interaction. At first, this made me feel a bit insecure, but now we agree that it doesn't matter why he is attracted to men. He just is. That's all that really counts.

Because John is a very independent person who has often chosen not to even try dating for very long periods, we also discussed whether his recent desire for companionship was just about satisfying a personal loneliness or whether he truly wanted and was prepared for everything that comes with a proper relationship. I asked him if he was really considering my side of things as the person who would be his partner and would have needs of my own in the relationship. Even at his age (also 58), he had to think about that for a while, and process it all with a person in his family who understands him and his AS. He eventually decided that whilst he was lonely, he really was considering me and did want to have a full relationship. Those here who have suggested you think these things through are very right to do so. No relationship will work if you're in it for selfish reasons and aren't prepared to think about the other person. No relationship will work if you aren't prepared to do the hard work of learning how to negotiate, compromise, and adapt. If you struggle with these things, you would do well to work on them first, before looking for a partner. Having said this, I know that much of what one learns about relationships takes place in actual practice. But you can still get your head in the right place in advance.

What you might take from all of this is: (1) that it may be better to focus on the fact of your bisexuality and not worry about the details of why you might be that way, (2) that you will suffer rejection, but that you can still take something good and useful from it that will help you grow as a person, (3) that analyzing your true reasons for wanting companionship will tell you a lot about your readiness, and therefore, your chance of success, and (4) that in time, you can indeed find someone who will accept all of you, just as you are. But at your young age--and I know it sucks to have your age thrown in your face all of the time--you have a lot to learn and that's okay. Honestly, we all have/had a lot to learn when it comes to our sexuality, NT and AS alike. We all suffer hurt, make mistakes, and have to figure ourselves out. For many of us, it can take a long time. Just be patient, hard as it is. It's part of the human experience to crave companionship, love, and intimacy and it's just as much a part of it not to find those things easily. You sound like a thoughtful, gentle person who is well worth loving. Keep working on your self-awareness, your confidence, your resilience, and your openness and you can get where you want to be.
 
Last edited:
artfull dodger said:
im 41 and didnt get my diagnosis till i was 40. My family doesnt know about my pansexuality. Mike
Click to expand...

I was 16 when I got my diagnosis of Asperger's. I just recently turned 18 five days ago and I finally discovered the true me. I figured out I'm pansexual as well.
 
Raul said:
This sounds like a severe abuse to me. Such childhood traumas can lead later on in life to cognitive difficulties in understanding sexuality. In scientific literature these ideas are more expanded and better described, I am not an expert here so I wont add much to it. Nevertheless I feel sorry for you that you had such an experience :(
Click to expand...

Oh. I've had it happen twice before as well when I was ages 10 and 11. I know it disgusts me greatly to do this, but my dad's fiancée's ex husband made sexual contact with me and it made me feel uncomfortable and I finally told my dad when I was around 15, but he never believed me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom