Beginning friendships - mutual initiation, or not??

[MROSS]

Concerning the challenges with friendships on the Autism Spectrum (even with High Functioning Autism (HFA), HFA yet NT-like), I personally feel that friendships initiated via mutual initiation prove most favorable.

Friendships where (even thoughtful people) initiate (non-mutual initiation) friendships sooner or later don't feel quite right - sometimes, it feels like the freindship was appointed.

With the Autism Spectrum, being the person to intiate friendships is the least preffered option.

Any similar experiences?

 

[Jumpinbare]

I have always found my friendships to "just happen". We seem at home with each other from the beginning. There's no "effort" on my part (other than just not driving everyone off at first meeting).
We share interests and have similar communication styles, and POOF! lifelong friends.

Of course, I have never had more than 2 or 3 friends at a time. (Not in the sense of being in the same place and time - most of my friends over the years have not met each other). So my experience certainly may not be common.

I have (once in a great while) had people clearly make a strong and obvious effort to be my friend, where I believed they were insincere and just wanted to use my friendship. I have treated these people very neutrally, on the off-chance they were for real, but they tended to tip their hand relatively quickly. The latest one, an actual neighbor, keeps asking me for beer money (his wife won't buy it for him). He hasn't seemed to realize I am not interested in feeding his alcoholism, so he's barking up the wrong tree.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I should qualify a statement above. I consider someone a lifelong friend even if they move away and we lose contact. By current friends, I mean active friends.

 

[Shamar]

Concerning the challenges with friendships on the Autism Spectrum (even with High Functioning Autism (HFA), HFA yet NT-like), I personally feel that friendships initiated via mutual initiation prove most favorable.

Friendships where (even thoughtful people) initiate (non-mutual initiation) friendships sooner or later don't feel quite right - sometimes, it feels like the freindship was appointed.

With the Autism Spectrum, being the person to intiate friendships is the least preffered option.

Any similar experiences?

Me!?! INITIATING a friendship? You mean like walking up to someone I never met before and starting a conversation? I will see unicorns grazing in my back yard before that happens.

 

[MROSS]

Me!?! INITIATING a friendship? You mean like walking up to someone I never met before and starting a conversation? I will see unicorns grazing in my back yard before that happens.

For context: For initiating a friendship (minus that mutual initiation dynamic), we might develop friendships from people who we felt those positive vibes (that sixth sense) via small talk people who are on a first name basis.

Again, the Autism Spectrum presents challenges with initiaing freindships - hence, initiating freindships might best be left to NTs who have that knack of readily becoming acquainted with new people.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I started a friendship that mutated into us as lovers, in a committed long distance relationship and married a year to the day we first met.

I had signed up for a trail maintenance trip and was taking extra time off to collect fossils near Braidwood Illinois (Pit 11) before the trip. When the trip roster came I noticed that a woman near Chicago desired to ride share. Because it was going to be a long drive and company is appreciated, this was merely going to be transactional, not serious, so I was not anxious and I decided to call her; well before cell phones, PCs and the internet. She had a lovely phone voice and we started talking regularly planning the short road trip across the country, discussing gear and training (this was going to be some hard core work). We were becoming friends. On the road trip she gently led me into a relationship and at the end, when we returned home we were lovers and committed to one another. She was the best thing that happened to me. I was looking for a woman who honestly liked the outdoors and she was hoping to meet a guy to do outdoor activities with.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have always found my friendships to "just happen".

But there are situations that potentiate friendships happening. Mutual interests primarily and I have about a dozen close friends where we all met doing activities together. We have even traveled together. The latest couple we have as friends, we only met two years ago and we just seemed to hit it right off, and at my age. Winters we have a dinner and double-deck Pinochle every week (I like their asian cooking and they like my Mexican cocinando) and the rest of the year we are kayaking, biking, and hiking.