• Feeling isolated? You're not alone.

    Join 20,000+ people who understand exactly how your day went. Whether you're newly diagnosed, self-identified, or supporting someone you love – this is a space where you don't have to explain yourself.

    Join the Conversation → It's free, anonymous, and supportive.

    As a member, you'll get:

    • A community that actually gets it – no judgment, no explanations needed
    • Private forums for sensitive topics (hidden from search engines)
    • Real-time chat with others who share your experiences
    • Your own blog to document your journey

    You've found your people. Create your free account

Autism after 40.

T

Toby77

Well-Known Member
Does dealing with NT people and socializing get harder for people on the spectrum after they turn 40? I myself am having a very hard time dealing with people and faking conversations. Just curious if it is just me or if it is common thing. I could give more detail but maybe that is enough to get some ideas from a few of you. Thank you.
 
I would say yes but unfortunately it wouldn't be a clear picture because during my thirties there were all sorts of complications that also may have led me to not being able to cope as well as I had when I was younger. Also I may be glorifying and exaggerating how well I coped in my younger years through sheer inability (or want) to remember.
However I will say that I have reached a point where I find it extremely tiring going out into the world and trying to fit in. I had more energy for that before. I don't know if this was helpful at all.
 
Rectify said:
I would say yes but unfortunately it wouldn't be a clear picture because during my thirties there were all sorts of complications that also may have led me to not being able to cope as well as I had when I was younger. Also I may be glorifying and exaggerating how well I coped in my younger years through sheer inability (or want) to remember.
However I will say that I have reached a point where I find it extremely tiring going out into the world and trying to fit in. I had more energy for that before. I don't know if this was helpful at all.
Click to expand...
I think your point about having the energy to deal is a good point. I really have no energy, I would say over the past 2yrs.
 
Toby77 said:
I think your point about having the energy to deal is a good point. I really have no energy, I would say over the past 2yrs.
Click to expand...
And that may or may not be to do with autism. I've heard that people can burn out, particularly if they are 'maskers', those who try to fit in and blend. But also other things in our lives, because we are individuals, might affect how we manage.
 
Rectify said:
And that may or may not be to do with autism. I've heard that people can burn out, particularly if they are 'maskers', those who try to fit in and blend. But also other things in our lives, because we are individuals, might affect how we manage.
Click to expand...
How do people normally handle burnouts? I mask every day....the best I can but I am sure it's still noticeable.
 
I think I've become more autistic after 40 but I've been much more socially isolated since then as well, partly by choice. Had the stress burnout around 40 which led to dx.
 
I'm going to say yes. It was hard when I was young. In my 20-40's it just went along with having to work at my job and being among people, and kids being in their activities and having to be around other parents from time to time( even though I didn't like it). Once my kids were out of the house I dropped way down on being social and late 50's to now I feel like I've regressed back to when I was young and just can't do it.
 
I think the symptoms have become stronger. But at the same time I have learned to better deal with things. Could also be that I am at a better place in life now too, kids grow up, can afford to live in solitude, more work experience, things that couldn't happen very easily or at all when I was younger.
 
Toby77 said:
How do people normally handle burnouts? I mask every day....the best I can but I am sure it's still noticeable.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it's troublesome really. I have handled it by scaling back, living in a somewhat reclusive fashion. I do see a therapist to work through emotional, and sometimes practical, stuff. But I think what you're after is advice on how to fix it and make it a bit more manageable...? But I can't really help there.


Pats said:
Once my kids were out of the house I dropped way down on being social and late 50's to now I feel like I've regressed back to when I was young and just can't do it.
Click to expand...
I have pretty much found that too.
 
Toby77 said:
Does dealing with NT people and socializing get harder for people on the spectrum after they turn 40? I myself am having a very hard time dealing with people and faking conversations. Just curious if it is just me or if it is common thing. I could give more detail but maybe that is enough to get some ideas from a few of you. Thank you.
Click to expand...
I was diagnosed at age 60. Prior to that, I was suicidal at age 9 due to loneliness, and it continued for more than 20 years. I had no friends (as I understand the concept) then or now. At least a dozen psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, and counselors missed my autism, despite all the obvious signs. Socializing and interacting with others never got any easier, until I was actually diagnosed. At that point I knew what the problem was and life in general got easier, because now I had a reason for all the difficulties. It didn't make socializing any easier, but I could be more relaxed about it. Now that I am (involuntarily) retired, I just don't freaking care about socializing.
 
Last edited:
Your energy level just keeps dropping as you get lower, so coping mechanisms that were useful when you were younger might be too draining to employ anymore. On the other hand, you've had more time to learn.

Also, there is the matter of what your peers are like. People in their twenties have a lot of overblown emotions that are easy to pick up on, and they find themselves endlessly fascinating and so are happy to explain themselves at length. Older people are a lot more inscrutable.
 
I had a stress/anxiety burnout in my early 40s, which lead to my diagnosis, and I have found it a lot harder since then to be around people and hide/mask my traits. I also had a serious medical issue, which was a contributing factor to this. I'm ok now but still I find that my tolerance and energy levels are a lot lower, more vulnerable to stress - not so many 'spoons'. I have also developed hyperacusis, which makes things even more difficult to tolerate.

On the other hand, I have a much bigger library of social interaction/scripts - I generally find I can handle a lot of social situations a lot better due to life experience - I have encountered the situation before, learned from it and know what to do the next time. The autism is still there and I still come across as different in my mannerisms, the way I speak and my body language are different and I think that people can tell that I'm different, I still misinterpret a lot, but I don't make so many social mistakes as I did when I was younger.
 
Yes. 13 - 18 . I totally withdrew from people and was homeschooled HS.
My life were my pets and music.

Somehow I pulled out of that around 18, went to University and worked part-time.
Then I had a career in pharmaceuticals until I had to go on disability due to major physical problems
and the stress burnout.
It became harder for me when I hit 50 and started becoming more reclusive again.
Now I am 62 and don't socialise at all.
The only person I have around is a house share partner.
 
Rectify said:
And that may or may not be to do with autism. I've heard that people can burn out, particularly if they are 'maskers', those who try to fit in and blend. But also other things in our lives, because we are individuals, might affect how we manage.
Click to expand...
This I have to agree. I am getting the symptoms of burnout in the age of 42. My blending skills are much better than when I was younger but I also am often too far from my true self.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom