Atheist Friend Keeps Shoving His Views Down my Throat, Doesn't Realize I'm Uncomfortable

[Joshua the Writer]

Declaimer: Despite my parents also being non-denominational Christians like me, they don't force their religion on me, my friend, my friend's family, and anybody else. I also never shoved my religion down his throat. I just wish he would eventually realize that he would realize I'm uncomfortable when he does this without me saying. I need advice on what to say if I DO end up needing to say that what he's doing makes me uncomfortable, which I would most likely do on December 12, which is when my parents are going to a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert. Also, I was unsure if I should put this in the "Friends, Family, and Social Skills" thread or not, but, since this topic is religious in nature, I'll just put it here.
My friend keeps shoving his atheism down my throat, and doesn't realize that I am uncomfortable about it. So, for more details, my best friend, who I have known since the 6th grade (who is also an Aspie), is an atheist. I am a (non-denominational) Christian.

We also watch YouTube videos while hanging out with each other. However, he insists on shoving videos about atheists dehumanizing, demonizing, antagonizing, and putting down me and my fellow Christians just because they are insecure and just want to feel dominance over others and think that their "facts" and "knowledge" are better than what he and those content creators supposedly call "lies," "inconsistencies," "propaganda," "toxic indoctrination," and "the promotion of sexism, racism, violence, rape, homophobia, and murder" that is apparently found (it's not) in the bible.

My friend and the people who make these crappy videos don't even own the bible. He is also immature, ignorant, and I kinda blame his parents for him being this way because they are also atheists and believe in all of the SJW-level generalizations that were made up against Christians. I even recall his mom saying, "All Churches are Homophobic."

I am getting tired of him doing this and not refusing to understand what I am trying to say to them. He always gets defensive and irritated when I try to say that something he is currently doing makes me feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the atheist mind takes things too literally and call whatever famous 2, 3, or 4, or maybe 5 to 10 lines of scripture that are one of paradox-types of verses, they call it a "contradiction" because they refuse to get any of it's true meaning out of it. I can't explain what these mean, since I'm not a pastor, priest, theologian, or bishop, I only listen to and learn from them.

I just want him to stop shoving what he calls "logic" and "truth" (atheism isn't actually that logical and truthful, but agnosticism somewhat passes for those two labels, IMO) and just shoving his opinions and the propaganda that his parents and the internet has been feeding to him on the regular.

It kind of makes me feel like he has a prejudice against me for it, and I feel like he doesn't even consider/care that I feel this way whenever he plays these uneducated, biased, and uninformed videos and tries to use his atheism as a topic for conversation.

I love my friends, and I want to keep them for as long as I want, but I feel like all I can respond to him with when he does this is to either pretend I'm watching those propaganda-filled with him, or just pay keep or tell him to turn off the video and make up excuses like "this dude's/woman's voice is boring," "the video looks a little block/the bitrate seems a bit fuzzy," "the editing seems kinda off/the editing looks kinda poorly organized," or, something I say often, "this dude looks ugly and gets way too close to the camera for my comfort."

Also, should I speak to him directly, or tell him to let me talk to his mom? I'm pretty sure he'd blow up if I talk to him directly about it, since he has emotional problems, which he refuses to fix them with the help of me, my best friend and his family, since he blames it on his Asperger's Syndrome (a higher-functioning diagnosis than mine). That is kind of ironic, since he knows that I had emotional issues in the past, and now I have clearly fixed most, if not all of those issues. And I've been diagnosed with PDD-NOS (but prefer to be called an Aspie, simply because that rolls off the tongue smoother) when I was eight years old!

As I said, I love my friend very much, I respect his beliefs, and I mean no harm in trying to tell him to back off. It's just that I think he'd just stay in his own ignorant and godless world, and not listen to whatever advice I'm trying to give him so I can help him to improve himself.

I am afraid that he'll pick on a radical Christian (whom I don't associate with or agree with), and he would end up either end up injured and in a hospital, or, even dead, because their argument turned physical. I want him to be a better person and stop being ignorant and immature. Both for his own well-being.

I just need to know how to tell him to stop shoving his beliefs into my face and down my throat with getting mad at me and hurting my feelings. I feel like, if I don't do something about this right away, I'd have to straight-up stop being friends with him right when his hatred for my religion and the comfort I have when I remember that Jesus loves me and my friend (despite my friend not knowing that) no matter what.

Please, I need your advice. If you don't have advice, positive words is all that is fine with me. Can't think of anything to say? Well, I'd appreciate it if you can give the nonsense I'm spewing a rating, just so I know you read all the way down to this point and cared enough to be friendly. Thank you.

Also, can you also pray for my best friend, he also has depression and has attempted suicide numerous times in the past, and I don't want him to attempt again and succeed. Thanks again.

 

[tree]

More people will read what you've written if you paragraph it.
Solid blocks of text are very difficult to decipher.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

More people will read what you've written if you paragraph it.
Solid blocks of text are very difficult to decipher.

Got it.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

More people will read what you've written if you paragraph it.
Solid blocks of text are very difficult to decipher.

Got it.

Okay. I am done paragraphing it, and have edited the wording slightly in order for it to make a little bit more sense.

 

[tree]

How is it fair that he gets to promote his belief (atheism is a belief) to you
but you don't have the same privilege regarding your beliefs?

It does get tiresome when people insist that they are more clever because
they are atheists, that only misguided fools believe in God.

I think of those people as lacking imagination.

I don't recommend and am not saying that you should attempt to dissuade him
from his position. What I am thinking is that if he is ASD/Asperger's, maybe he
has some capability for logic and can see that he is unfair in thinking he can
get away with pushing his thoughts on you.

Although there is the possibility that he lacks Theory of Mind and has no regard
for other people's thoughts at all. Or to any degree that allows him to behave
fairly toward them.

 

[Fino]

Are you this condescending and insulting to his face? Because that could be part of the problem. If not, then what does he say when you say something like, "I'd rather not discuss religion. Let's talk about something else."

 

[sidd851]

Hi, Josh.(Can I call you Josh?)

This has happened to me, and can be really frustrating.
What I want to say is that you should be able to tell him that you are uncomfortable, and he should respect that, and cease.

You must also consider whether you broach the subject, even obliquely, so as not to "invite" "discussion".
This would include "proselytizing", however lightly.

While I generally consider myself an athiest, I generally try to refrain from proclaiming it.
It's also true, that while "atheist" is generally true, and descriptive enough(nontheist may be a better term, I'll have to consider this),
it is by no means explanatory enough, and the actuality is far from a simple understanding, such as "atheist" implies.

The point that I want to make is this:
If I enter a conversation about personal beliefs, I am usually not overly assertive in proclaiming my beliefs.
When I enter a similar conversation with someone I'm familiar with, or comfortable with, it can become more intense.

I think that what happens is, when one is confident in their beliefs, and believe their friend's differing belief to be "wrong", they feel a responsibility, a need, to correct their friend's "erroneous" belief.

Their attitude becomes "I've gotta help him/her! (S)He's misinformed! I care too much to not "help" "fix" this "wrong"."
I'm aware that this is often true, with me, among more than casual acquaintances, and vice-versa.

And so, it may be a reflection of how much your friend cares about you, that is pushing him to pressure you.

It is worth bearing this in mind, before making assumptions about, or judging his motivation, too harshly.

That being said, you should calmly tell him of your discomfort, gently remind him if need be, and save "harshness" for the event that he doesn't refrain.

"You catch more flies with honey,
than you do with vinegar."

After all, this is your best friend.

I hope this resolves for you, good friends are a very rare commodity, and to be
valued accordingly.

May you be well.

sidd

 

[Autistamatic]

Do you think your friend is a lesser person than yourself?
I was born an atheist - i..e. I do not believe in any god and nothing has ever convinced me that one exists. Most of my countrymen are of the same belief. It's ironic that in my country we have a state approved religion, yet where you are that is forbidden by your constitution, but you have the highest concentration of Christian fundamentalists anywhere in the world.
I also believe that it is immoral to force your beliefs on another. I respect your right to hold those beliefs even if I don't agree with them. Your friend should too. Do bear in mind that like you, they are young and impressionable. Both of your views may change over time. Don't suggest they won't because you don't know the future. Your friend may "find god" and you might "lose your faith" depending on what life throws at you.
Cut your friend a little slack, but tell them that they're making you feel uncomfortable. There is no divide between any religion or those with no religion unless we choose to create it.

 

[nowwhat]

"How can two walk together, unless they agree?"

Conflicts like this are the price you pay for being a believer. Not only are you two headed in different directions, you can't possibly agree on where the road is.

 

[Fino]

It's ironic that in my country we have a state approved religion, yet where you are that is forbidden by your constitution, but you have the highest concentration of Christian fundamentalists anywhere in the world.

That's the written claim! But it's often stated that we live in a Christian nation, "God" pervades many aspects of the government such as the pledge of allegiance or the dollar bill, and Christian values have a major influence in every area of politics with the only argument for the policy, opinion, etc. having some relation to Christianity.

 

[tree]

The topic is these two particular boys with a chasm of difference between them.

Useful replies should be directed toward that topic.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

The topic is these two particular boys with a chasm of difference between them.

Useful replies should be directed toward that topic.

Yeah, she is right, you know.

I was never condescending toward him at all. Not in my post OR in person directly towards him. and this isn't about what religions are and aren't practiced in what country and how-or-why those religions are or are not practiced. I also said in the disclaimer (which most seemed to not read, maybe I should edit it to make it so absurdly huge that it distracts from the main body of the post?) that I didn't shove my opinions down my throat. All @Autistamatic @Fino and @sidd851 seem to be doing is the exact same thing that I said my friend was doing, and I didn't start any conversations with him about religion, but he did. Their messages weren't helpful and wasn't what I was working for. They should've read everything in the full post before replying.

All I asked for was advice on how to tell him about his obsession with hating my religion, or to notify his mother about his behaviors, since he has a long history of emotional problems, often acts irrationally, types in all caps when offending in a text-only conversation, and often has a hard time listening when people are telling him why what he is doing is wrong and yells back when he is told that what he is saying/doing is offending somebody. He also bases his arguments for some things off of pure emotion, too, which (and this is ironic) seems to be common for people who are atheists.

 

[tree]

That is really obnoxious.
Typing in all caps.

Does he have a therapist?
Or medication?

 

[Joshua the Writer]

How is it fair that he gets to promote his belief (atheism is a belief) to you
but you don't have the same privilege regarding your beliefs?

It does get tiresome when people insist that they are more clever because
they are atheists, that only misguided fools believe in God.

I think of those people as lacking imagination.

I don't recommend and am not saying that you should attempt to dissuade him
from his position. What I am thinking is that if he is ASD/Asperger's, maybe he
has some capability for logic and can see that he is unfair in thinking he can
get away with pushing his thoughts on you.

Although there is the possibility that he lacks Theory of Mind and has no regard
for other people's thoughts at all. Or to any degree that allows him to behave
fairly toward them.

Yeah, I agree. I have never been told I need to try to convert an atheist if I am friends with them, or had the absolute and undeniable right to do so, so I don't see why he recognizes that he doesn't have the absolute right to do the same to me, either. Ironically, he said that the only religions he thinks shouldn't be banned are Judaism (Ironic, since Jews worship the same gods as Christians do, they just have the New Testament in their bibles), and Islam. This is both ironic and actually against what the civil rights movement was intended for (please save any rebuttals for that for the politics thread).

I agree. I really think radical (for lack of better term) atheists like him are the ones are misguided. Sure, you can trick a fool into believing god without him knowing and against his will. However, the ones who know what the bible really means and know what it really says word-for-word aren't the foolish ones. However, like I said, he seems obsessed with making generalizations with groups of people whom he doesn't agree with. He is a fool for not even trying to understand Christianity by doing things such as purchasing a bible/having his parents buy one for him just to do some research.

I agree, and I think I mentioned something similar to that it in the OP, too.

Well, no he doesn't I think I already said this in a reply to you. But, here it is again, if you'd like a refresher:

he has a long history of emotional problems, often acts irrationally, types in all caps when offending in a text-only conversation, and often has a hard time listening when people are telling him why what he is doing is wrong and yells back when he is told that what he is saying/doing is offending somebody. He also bases his arguments for some things off of pure emotion, too, which (and this is ironic) seems to be common for people who are atheists.

I'm afraid I might have to notify his mom about it. It's most likely safer for both my sanity and his.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

That is really obnoxious.
Typing in all caps.

Does he have a therapist?
Or medication?

He has a therapist. In fact, he sees the same therapist I do, but she doesn't tell him anything I said in my sessions with me to him. That's against those unwritten privacy rights we have here in the U.S.

He does take medication, but it doesn't seem to always work...

 

[sidd851]

Yeah, she is right, you know.

I was never condescending toward him at all. Not in my post OR in person directly towards him. and this isn't about what religions are and aren't practiced in what country and how-or-why those religions are or are not practiced. I also said in the disclaimer (which most seemed to not read, maybe I should edit it to make it so absurdly huge that it distracts from the main body of the post?) that I didn't shove my opinions down my throat. All @Autistamatic @Fino and @sidd851 seem to be doing is the exact same thing that I said my friend was doing, and I didn't start any conversations with him about religion, but he did. Their messages weren't helpful and wasn't what I was working for. They should've read everything in the full post before replying.

All I asked for was advice on how to tell him about his obsession with hating my religion, or to notify his mother about his behaviors, since he has a long history of emotional problems, often acts irrationally, types in all caps when offending in a text-only conversation, and often has a hard time listening when people are telling him why what he is doing is wrong and yells back when he is told that what he is saying/doing is offending somebody. He also bases his arguments for some things off of pure emotion, too, which (and this is ironic) seems to be common for people who are atheists.

I'm sorry that you couldn't find anything useful in my post.

I am curious, so that I can adjust my future behavior, as to how I did the same thing that you describe your friend as having done.

Lastly, I did read your whole post, I'm sorry that you don't think so.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I'm sorry that you couldn't find anything useful in my post.

I am curious, so that I can adjust my future behavior, as to how I did the same thing that you describe your friend as having done.

Lastly, I did read your whole post, I'm sorry that you don't think so.

Oh, sorry, I must've mistaken you for some rude troll who was in the Discord server who was saying rude things about my religion. That person is banned from the server now by the looks of it. His nickname was somewhat similar to yours, and I hope you can understand how the brain fart occurred. I sincerely apologize. My mistake. Your post was actually quite useful. Thanks.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

It's ironic that in my country we have a state approved religion, yet where you are that is forbidden by your constitution, but you have the highest concentration of Christian fundamentalists anywhere in the world.

That's the written claim! But it's often stated that we live in a Christian nation, "God" pervades many aspects of the government such as the pledge of allegiance or the dollar bill, and Christian values have a major influence in every area of politics with the only argument for the policy, opinion, etc. having some relation to Christianity.

Actually when our pledges and motos mention God, they are actually mentioning all Gods that people have worshiped in the past, are those that are currently being worshiped, or will be worshiped if a new religion where to suddenly spring up. I get why atheists and foreigners often ignore this rarely mentioned, but basic fact about all mentions of God in any and all governmental literature (mostly pledges/motos) from the United States, since they don't know the deeper meaning to it as wells as a religious person living in the United States would.

 

[Autistamatic]

All @Autistamatic @Fino and @sidd851 seem to be doing is the exact same thing that I said my friend was doing

If that is the case then your friend was obviously using a reasoned and educated argument to refute your point of view rather than offering undue criticism of your beliefs.

 

[Pats]

Declaimer: Despite my parents also being non-denominational Christians like me, they don't force their religion on me, my friend, my friend's family, and anybody else. I also never shoved my religion down his throat. I just wish he would eventually realize that he would realize I'm uncomfortable when he does this without me saying. I need advice on what to say if I DO end up needing to say that what he's doing makes me uncomfortable, which I would most likely do on December 12, which is when my parents are going to a Trans Siberian Orchestra concert. Also, I was unsure if I should put this in the "Friends, Family, and Social Skills" thread or not, but, since this topic is religious in nature, I'll just put it here.
My friend keeps shoving his atheism down my throat, and doesn't realize that I am uncomfortable about it. So, for more details, my best friend, who I have known since the 6th grade (who is also an Aspie), is an atheist. I am a (non-denominational) Christian.

We also watch YouTube videos while hanging out with each other. However, he insists on shoving videos about atheists dehumanizing, demonizing, antagonizing, and putting down me and my fellow Christians just because they are insecure and just want to feel dominance over others and think that their "facts" and "knowledge" are better than what he and those content creators supposedly call "lies," "inconsistencies," "propaganda," "toxic indoctrination," and "the promotion of sexism, racism, violence, rape, homophobia, and murder" that is apparently found (it's not) in the bible.

My friend and the people who make these crappy videos don't even own the bible. He is also immature, ignorant, and I kinda blame his parents for him being this way because they are also atheists and believe in all of the SJW-level generalizations that were made up against Christians. I even recall his mom saying, "All Churches are Homophobic."

I am getting tired of him doing this and not refusing to understand what I am trying to say to them. He always gets defensive and irritated when I try to say that something he is currently doing makes me feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the atheist mind takes things too literally and call whatever famous 2, 3, or 4, or maybe 5 to 10 lines of scripture that are one of paradox-types of verses, they call it a "contradiction" because they refuse to get any of it's true meaning out of it. I can't explain what these mean, since I'm not a pastor, priest, theologian, or bishop, I only listen to and learn from them.

I just want him to stop shoving what he calls "logic" and "truth" (atheism isn't actually that logical and truthful, but agnosticism somewhat passes for those two labels, IMO) and just shoving his opinions and the propaganda that his parents and the internet has been feeding to him on the regular.

It kind of makes me feel like he has a prejudice against me for it, and I feel like he doesn't even consider/care that I feel this way whenever he plays these uneducated, biased, and uninformed videos and tries to use his atheism as a topic for conversation.

I love my friends, and I want to keep them for as long as I want, but I feel like all I can respond to him with when he does this is to either pretend I'm watching those propaganda-filled with him, or just pay keep or tell him to turn off the video and make up excuses like "this dude's/woman's voice is boring," "the video looks a little block/the bitrate seems a bit fuzzy," "the editing seems kinda off/the editing looks kinda poorly organized," or, something I say often, "this dude looks ugly and gets way too close to the camera for my comfort."

Also, should I speak to him directly, or tell him to let me talk to his mom? I'm pretty sure he'd blow up if I talk to him directly about it, since he has emotional problems, which he refuses to fix them with the help of me, my best friend and his family, since he blames it on his Asperger's Syndrome (a higher-functioning diagnosis than mine). That is kind of ironic, since he knows that I had emotional issues in the past, and now I have clearly fixed most, if not all of those issues. And I've been diagnosed with PDD-NOS (but prefer to be called an Aspie, simply because that rolls off the tongue smoother) when I was eight years old!

As I said, I love my friend very much, I respect his beliefs, and I mean no harm in trying to tell him to back off. It's just that I think he'd just stay in his own ignorant and godless world, and not listen to whatever advice I'm trying to give him so I can help him to improve himself.

I am afraid that he'll pick on a radical Christian (whom I don't associate with or agree with), and he would end up either end up injured and in a hospital, or, even dead, because their argument turned physical. I want him to be a better person and stop being ignorant and immature. Both for his own well-being.

I just need to know how to tell him to stop shoving his beliefs into my face and down my throat with getting mad at me and hurting my feelings. I feel like, if I don't do something about this right away, I'd have to straight-up stop being friends with him right when his hatred for my religion and the comfort I have when I remember that Jesus loves me and my friend (despite my friend not knowing that) no matter what.

Please, I need your advice. If you don't have advice, positive words is all that is fine with me. Can't think of anything to say? Well, I'd appreciate it if you can give the nonsense I'm spewing a rating, just so I know you read all the way down to this point and cared enough to be friendly. Thank you.

Also, can you also pray for my best friend, he also has depression and has attempted suicide numerous times in the past, and I don't want him to attempt again and succeed. Thanks again.

Hi Joshua. If you're friend begins his lecturing, just tell him up front that he can continue only if he gives you equal time. If he's not willing to do that and still doesn't stop talking, walk away.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, but things are going to get worse. I do have the same problem - people want to ram their opinions down your throat but they become hysterical when you even hint that your opinions differ from theirs. I'll never understand why some athiests are so determined to get rid of religion altogether. I never understood why, if they don't believe in God does it bother them so much that we do. What happened to live and let live?
I will pray for your friend - also for you. Stand strong in your beliefs.