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Aspie or NT? Marriage Poll

What type of person would you be happier marrying?

  • An Aspie who understands your AS issues, but still struggles with his/her own.

  • An NT who accepts your AS issues, but can help you navigate through the "normal" world.

Results are only viewable after voting.
I'd be inclined to think though that finding an NT partner who would not only be willing, but skilled to help an Aspie navigate the NT world would be difficult to find.

In thinking back about the NT women I had relationships with, I just don't see them successfully fulfilling such a role, even had they been conducive to the idea.
 
Judge said:
I'd be inclined to think though that finding an NT partner who would not only be willing, but skilled to help an Aspie navigate the NT world would be difficult to find.

In thinking back about the NT women I had relationships with, I just don't see them successfully fulfilling such a role, even had they been conducive to the idea.
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Yeah, I know what you mean. Based on what's written in many places on the internet, it seems that a whole lot of AS/NT marriages are pretty unhappy. I'm not certain that every woman complaining online about her husband's 'Aspergers' has accurately diagnosed her husband, but probably at least a few of them have.
 
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Cali Cat said:
I can understand that. I guess my perspective is that I can love more than one person. If I feel a relationship isn't in my best interests in the long run, I can untangle myself from that feeling of love and wait until I find someone more suited to me. .
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Maybe you and me are a little different. While I can have a sort of altruistic unemotional love for anyone, in other words, I can try to help them and avoid hurting them, it is very unusual for someone to exist whom I can feel emotional love for. WHen I find these people, I treasure them. And the rare individuals whom I have felt emotional love for have sometimes been Aspie, and sometimes NT.
 
I voted for NT. My biggest Aspie issue is cleaning. I cannot cope well with the chemicals. If I was married to another Aspie, especially one who ended up having the same sensitivities, the house would never get properly cleaned! And if he was just as blinded by headlights as I am, heaven forbid something terrible happened at night.

As far as we know, my husband is fairly normal, but he's weird enough and I'm normal enough we match up pretty well. Our strengths and weakness compliment each other so we make a pretty good team.
 
AsheSkyler said:
Our strengths and weakness compliment each other so we make a pretty good team.
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That's more of what I'm getting at in this poll. Sometimes I can't spit out exactly what I mean because my feelings about the subject are too deep in my head. I complicate it more than it needs to be. Thanks for simplifying the question for me. :)
 
Cali Cat said:
That's more of what I'm getting at in this poll. Sometimes I can't spit out exactly what I mean because my feelings about the subject are too deep in my head. I complicate it more than it needs to be. Thanks for simplifying the question for me. :)
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Any time. =)
I have that problem on crochet forums when I'm trying to ask a question about making patterns. For an amateur, I sure do confuse the advanced crafters...
 
I've been with an NT for 15 years. We've certainly had some moments, but mostly we do manage to meet in the middle. I only got diagnosed a couple of years ago, and things have made a lot more sense since then.

I'm really lucky though. He pushes me just enough that I actually get out of the house and do stuff, but not enough to freak me out. He's NT, but weird enough to put up with my eccentricities. ;)

Some days I do wish he was Aspie and understood why I am hiding behind the curtains when an unexpected visitor turns up (that one always gets him), but mostly it works out well. :)
 
Cali Cat said:
That's more of what I'm getting at in this poll. Sometimes I can't spit out exactly what I mean because my feelings about the subject are too deep in my head. I complicate it more than it needs to be. Thanks for simplifying the question for me. :)
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Hi Cali Cat I think your question is fine and it is one I have been thinking on and reading on. From what I've read so far it's a even trade off with a aspie I get eternal youth, and I can talk about the things I love without the eyes rolling back in head. But there are warmth and maybe OCD and other things to work through. With a NT the trick is to find a easy going, caring person, (rare), who won't try to force unrealistic expectations on me. Anyways this is what I have been thinking on looking for. Finding one is another issue, the women on the internet have been scared into hieding and won't write or meet, online my (age) even tho I look young and pretty,(sorry) it sends me strait to the trash can. In the real world every one is scattered and busy, what am I supposed to do get maced at the bananas, in market. I am down to getting a matchmaker, or putting a add in local paper with no age to a P.O. box, or a wing and a prayer...any ideas????
 
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[QUOTE="Moomingirl, ;)

Some days I do wish he was Aspie and understood why I am hiding behind the curtains when an unexpected visitor turns up (that one always gets him), but mostly it works out well. :)[/QUOTE]

Hi I get that a little too, that little jump with the unexpected doorbell, phone, or the front gate clanging almost lost it once when Dad was going in and out in and out while I was working on the computer every 5 minuets the gate would clang and I would nearly jump out of my skin, don't like surprises!
 
Maelstrom said:
the women on the internet have been scared into hieding and won't write or meet, online my (age) even tho I look young and pretty,(sorry) it sends me strait to the trash can. In the real world every one is scattered and busy, what am I supposed to do get maced at the bananas, in market. I am down to getting a matchmaker, or putting a add in local paper with no age to a P.O. box, or a wing and a prayer...any ideas????
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Lie about your age. :p
 
Cali Cat said:
Lie about your age. :p
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Hi very funny...I could but I don't want start a relationship with a lie like my ex..did. Trust is important and hard to get back once gone. Anyways it is not allowed on dating sites, and they could back check and use it to nuke your membership with no refund.
 
Maelstrom said:
Hi very funny...I could but I don't want start a relationship with a lie like my ex..did. Trust is important and hard to get back once gone. Anyways it is not allowed on dating sites, and they could back check and use it to nuke your membership with no refund.
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It's a real bummer that people discriminate on the basis of age. Not all of us look or act our age. Especially with Aspies. :D
 
Cali Cat said:
It's a real bummer that people discriminate on the basis of age. Not all of us look or act our age. Especially with Aspies. :D
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Yep! I just started dating a man who is 20 years older than me and its wonderful. Didn't plan this relationship at all. Just keeping an open mind. Hes an NT but we share other major things/qualities. You never know! I've been doing dating sites for years to no avail.
 
My ex had some issues, she claimed it was just dyslexia, and while I don't think she was Aspie, she was certainly not NT. We had a comfortable understanding of each other, shared some interests, and had strengths that complimented each other. We split up because she thought that we were stalemated, meaning neither of our lives were moving forward. We couldn't really help each other "navigate the normal world", but we enjoyed our own little world for a while. Fast forward to now and neither of us has really moved forward.

My current mate is thoroughly NT, though she certainly has some Aspie-like traits. We really have a hard time understanding each other on a deep level, but she has helped me with the normal world, though sometimes she has pushed me too hard and I freeze up. She also has a tough time accepting my condition and how it affects me, she would, deep down I think, prefer me to be normal.
 
Now who would I be if I didn't say the best one to marry is NT and Grumpy!

image.webp
 
[QUOTE="On the Inside, post:deep down I think, prefer me to be normal.[/QUOTE]

Hi I didn't know I was a auspie when my ex asked to court me, but I was well aware of my differences and their effects. So I very carefully explained them to her along with any other possible deal brakers and ask her if she thought she could handle it. She said yes yes, (NOT). But I still feel I did the right thing my hands are clean I did my best to meet her halfway, I think she missed out on something really good, and may have regrets down the road.
I will not apologize for being romantic, makes life worth living, I will not repent.
People are more than just money or normalness there are many kinds of beautiful souls out there. Perhaps that perfect girl hums sweet lullabies as she goes about her day, or writes beautiful poems, maybe her eyes sparkle just right, or her laugh is the loveliest thing you ever heard. All these lists are fine and have their place but it would be sad if one was so busy checking things off that they let their perfect match slip by unnoticed .....the one that makes the wind sigh through the trees on a warm summers day.
Just met a Auti? or Aspie girl at a social event spoke to her briefly she had the classic signs of sensory over lode, felt a immediate connection gravity shifted like the deck of the Titanic, very pretty, very charming, and very taken. (sigh) rotten luck!
(NT)s are nice to, some are as sweet as the day is long!
 
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I'd much rather conform to a normal persons world then have to navigate some insane asperger world
Though I am certain I'll get divorced at least once in my life so ought to plan something just incase.
 
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