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Aspie Husband

G

Grace Likos

New Member
My husband was recently diagnosed with aspergers. Our relationship has been an uphill battle for many years, we met in highschool, I pretty much had my own life and friends outside of him until my late thirties. After we had two children and moved to a more remote location because of his work, it started to become more and more difficult to understand and accept his behaviour. After the diagnosis things started to fall into place but it is still really hard to know what to do, where/how can I get some support and guidance?
 
welcome.webp
 
It is easy to think his “problem” is the problem. Is it certain behaviors that are really the problem?
 
Welcome to this site. You are in the right place to get more informed and support. Members are very helpful and friendly here.
 
My husband has said the same as you, Grace, about me. But it is very convenient to put all the owness on the one who has the issues, when actually it is BOTH of you that have to learn to adapt to each other. For, every annoyance you find in his behaviour; he finds in your behaviour.

My husband has often thrown out: be back in 10 and I cannot comphend how he can say that, when an hour later, he is still out there. It took some talking, but in the end, he agreed to try and be more absolute. So, he has said: I am going to be 30 minutes and that is how long I will be and he has kept to it.

I do not lower my voice when I get closer to him. I actually am not aware that I am speaking loud and now, instead of shouting at me, he just says: hey, you can lower you voice now.

As in any relationship, it takes both to give and take; not just one.
 
Welcome to you.

I agree with WereBear above.
Can you list a few of his most problematic behaviors?
Maybe they're an AS thing, or maybe they're just HIM. We're all different.

Maybe pick the top three problems you're having with his actions.

It's easier to focus on his actions instead of your feelings.
They're really two different problems, although they might feel like one and the same!
The good (or bad?) news is that one is outside your control, while the other is under your control.
So theoretically, you're halfway there! ;)
 
Grace Likos said:
My husband was recently diagnosed with aspergers. Our relationship has been an uphill battle for many years, we met in highschool, I pretty much had my own life and friends outside of him until my late thirties. After we had two children and moved to a more remote location because of his work, it started to become more and more difficult to understand and accept his behaviour. After the diagnosis things started to fall into place but it is still really hard to know what to do, where/how can I get some support and guidance?
Click to expand...

Welcome...

As a male with ASD... I think we know we can be a nightmare, and we try very hard not to be one, only to become twice as much the one we tried to avoid in the first place... I know it sucks for you, but it sucks for us also. I promise.

Yet in there somewhere is something unique, something not like anything else on the planet, and someone who wants more than anything to understand, and be understood.

There is a lot of good information for you here, and a lot of good people who can help you. However, I am the last person on this planet who needs to give relationship advice. : )
 
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