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Aspie Husband

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Grace Likos, Jan 6, 2018.

  1. Grace Likos

    Grace Likos New Member

    Jan 6, 2018
    My husband was recently diagnosed with aspergers. Our relationship has been an uphill battle for many years, we met in highschool, I pretty much had my own life and friends outside of him until my late thirties. After we had two children and moved to a more remote location because of his work, it started to become more and more difficult to understand and accept his behaviour. After the diagnosis things started to fall into place but it is still really hard to know what to do, where/how can I get some support and guidance?
    • Friendly Friendly x 4
  2. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

    Apr 5, 2014
  3. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

    Jul 17, 2016
    It is easy to think his “problem” is the problem. Is it certain behaviors that are really the problem?
    • Agree Agree x 2
  4. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

    Sep 3, 2017
    Welcome to this site. You are in the right place to get more informed and support. Members are very helpful and friendly here.
    • Agree Agree x 2
  5. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Jun 29, 2013
  6. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    May 27, 2015
  7. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

    Nov 24, 2014
    My husband has said the same as you, Grace, about me. But it is very convenient to put all the owness on the one who has the issues, when actually it is BOTH of you that have to learn to adapt to each other. For, every annoyance you find in his behaviour; he finds in your behaviour.

    My husband has often thrown out: be back in 10 and I cannot comphend how he can say that, when an hour later, he is still out there. It took some talking, but in the end, he agreed to try and be more absolute. So, he has said: I am going to be 30 minutes and that is how long I will be and he has kept to it.

    I do not lower my voice when I get closer to him. I actually am not aware that I am speaking loud and now, instead of shouting at me, he just says: hey, you can lower you voice now.

    As in any relationship, it takes both to give and take; not just one.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  8. SnailPie

    SnailPie Member

    Nov 30, 2017
    Welcome to you.

    I agree with WereBear above.
    Can you list a few of his most problematic behaviors?
    Maybe they're an AS thing, or maybe they're just HIM. We're all different.

    Maybe pick the top three problems you're having with his actions.

    It's easier to focus on his actions instead of your feelings.
    They're really two different problems, although they might feel like one and the same!
    The good (or bad?) news is that one is outside your control, while the other is under your control.
    So theoretically, you're halfway there! ;)
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

    Jul 2, 2017

    As a male with ASD... I think we know we can be a nightmare, and we try very hard not to be one, only to become twice as much the one we tried to avoid in the first place... I know it sucks for you, but it sucks for us also. I promise.

    Yet in there somewhere is something unique, something not like anything else on the planet, and someone who wants more than anything to understand, and be understood.

    There is a lot of good information for you here, and a lot of good people who can help you. However, I am the last person on this planet who needs to give relationship advice. : )
    • Like Like x 3
  10. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jan 7, 2015
    Hi & Welcome