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Aspie boyfriend and his female friend

AloneNotLonely said:
Doesn't it always hurt?

I am not sure what the issue is. No compatible values. There's just no way it will work with no compatibility and that is that. No need to think more about it than that...
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haha you are right in a way - so he can't understand that exclusivity covers text messages/whom he chooses to keep in touch with - (who-he told me she used to share her sex life over text with him.) (that's the Aspie part of him to think its ok to keep in touch). On the flip side, It'll be great that his insistence is not to continue any acquaintance-ship he had with Tinder friends. (most females may understand where I am coming from - even I don't keep in touch with any Tinder male friends after being attached as an unspoken protocol/social norm, although I cant speak for everyone). Unfortunately, he expects me to live with his sense of right, so everytime we break up, he comes back stronger, I assume things change, but always finds out nothing has been done about her, just chat less perhaps. So - I guess I had to be out of this situation since he refuses to understand (aspie) what the threshold was and the hurt its causing me, despite many attempts to make it known. Anyway I do miss him, I am still not over it as you can see, I find it incredulous and still have anger inside me and I hope it will go away immediately. To note, he is a guy who "doesn't cheat and is upright etc etc etc"...... so its incredulous he decided to hold on to this detrimental topic, and God knows he WANTS our relationship to work like anything. I know he tried SO HARD, but its incredulous he shoots himself with the foot over this. And I don't see how I can accept that this is ok just because he is aspie. oh well. thanks for listening. =)
 
Does he really try so hard if he keeps replying to Tinder chicks?

It's not a big deal, if it's such a big deal to him then clearly his priorities aren't in the same kind of order as they are for you. It has nothing to do with Autism or whatever. He just has a different set of values, plenty of people think it's ok to keep cavorting around with exes and failed romantic options. Not only that, they feel like it's their basic human right to do so and that if you don't like that then you are a crazy jealous psycho.

The only reason you are angry is because you think that if only he just fixed this one issue it would've worked out and he couldn't even bother to do that. But in fact, this simply reveals a great big incompatibility in your personalities. It's seemingly small, but it's actually very big, there is a fundamental difference in the way the 2 of you think and this cannot be resolved by just fixing a single symptom. This is why he believes he is right and why you believe you are right and neither of you can give any ground. If it's not this then the next time it'll be something else you won't be able to agree on, because... you are incompatible.
 
AloneNotLonely said:
Does he really try so hard if he keeps replying to Tinder chicks?

It's not a big deal, if it's such a big deal to him then clearly his priorities aren't in the same kind of order as they are for you. It has nothing to do with Autism or whatever. He just has a different set of values, plenty of people think it's ok to keep cavorting around with exes and failed romantic options. Not only that, they feel like it's their basic human right to do so and that if you don't like that then you are a crazy jealous psycho.

The only reason you are angry is because you think that if only he just fixed this one issue it would've worked out and he couldn't even bother to do that. But in fact, this simply reveals a great big incompatibility in your personalities. It's seemingly small, but it's actually very big, there is a fundamental difference in the way the 2 of you think and this cannot be resolved by just fixing a single symptom. This is why he believes he is right and why you believe you are right and neither of you can give any ground. If it's not this then the next time it'll be something else you won't be able to agree on, because... you are incompatible.
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It's even worse 'cos its one particular female. And you are right...about "the others" that I don't know about, and he was trying to set the standard with THIS particular ONE, whom I abhorred. It was a passing statement of his, but I did a double take as to what kind of statement that was to use as arguement.

Yup, if he fixed this issue, I could have loved him more OR well...figure how to manage his aspie traits (def), & extreme OCD =p. It was already tough.

Thank you...yes he didn't try hard enough. And maybe and hopefully my anger will fade, childish or not, since we've escalated to this state, since he wishes to be her friend. He will not hear a word from me, my ultimatum, his choice. Thanks for your comforting comments.
 
Comforting? Me? I didn't know I was able to do that :O

Your anger will be gone the moment you accept the incompatibility and see it as something that could never be. As long as you don't you will continue being angry with him because you will think it's due to being stubborn or not wanting to change a small insignificant thing.

I mean how would you be angry with him for being fundamentally different in a way that a relationship could never work?
 
AloneNotLonely said:
Comforting? Me? I didn't know I was able to do that :O

Your anger will be gone the moment you accept the incompatibility and see it as something that could never be. As long as you don't you will continue being angry with him because you will think it's due to being stubborn or not wanting to change a small insignificant thing.

I mean how would you be angry with him for being fundamentally different in a way that a relationship could never work?
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To make this more complicated, he claimed to have given up his ex (& me mine) to make us work. And if he did, I find this the most stupid argument to hang on to, because, he should have chosen his ex's friendship over her. At 1st, I thought it was the TinderG that kept in touch with him, but today, I now assume, it was him who kept it going. And whenever I asked, err...yup, he admitted it. Or I just see her name fleetingly over his whatsap. Most of my female friends do understand and feel the same way, that yea....we move on Tinder acquaintanceship. how special can that friendship be. and if its so special, yes, it brings us back to today's decision. OH WELL. anyway a friend said it was better to find out about this and let this be the trigger to break us up. If not I'll still be holding on and tolerating stuff which....I shouldn't. Of which his endearing traits are unable to override for a healthy relationship to thrive.
 
Wow - so many replies. So many differing opinions! Sorry - I couldn't read them all.
I have a few guy friends that I've had for decades. My oldest and bestest friend is someone I can confide in about anything but I have never had any romantic interest in him. He's a player and I've known that from the beginning. I would really resent anyone telling me they aren't comfortable with me meeting him once in a while because he has such great things to say and he really listens to me.
On the other hand, if you are this guy's girlfriend, then technically, you are the one he should be spending the rest of his life with and be trying to please the MOST.
The trust thing is an issue though. My theory, when I get a little jealous/obsessive, is to say to myself...unless I have concrete evidence that my guy is being disloyal, I NEED to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Did I just muddy the waters even further? LOL
 
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