Reading over answers to who should I tell about my diagnosis, I have to ask why the majority is so limiting on who to tell. We are all in agreeance that we wish the rest of the population were more informed about autism and I kind of think that the best way for that to happen is by allowing others to see that we are not some crazy nutcase running around in their midst. But it would help them understand why we turn down invitations to a loud, chaotic event without hurting their feelings. It would help them understand the spectrum and learn that not all HF autists fir into the same pattern.
I totally understand younger students, because labels themselves can give reason for bullying.
Actually, I probably would have told more people if I hadn't read all the 'don't do that' responses and here's how I see it:
Yes, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 59 and already out of the public eye. But those that 'bullied' me bullied me because of my personality and actions - they just didn't like me. I also don't like everyone I meet - but I don't bully them because I don't have that in me. Those that do bully others are going to no matter what. Sometimes I wonder if it would have helped if those people that didn't like me knew why I was like I was. Anyhow, I just think, as an adult, people are going to treat you the way they treat you because of who they are. Most people who have been mean to me are mean to everyone and they are the ones with a problem.
Yes, when it comes to looking for employment I can also understand because the interviewer may think of it as a disability and may not understand it enough. Wouldn't you like to help change that? So future generations can say, "Yes I have autism" and the boss see it as an advantage instead of a hinderance?
Situations may dictate differently. I would not tell my kid's mother in laws because it's up to my child whether or not they want other's to know. Just like when my son came to me and said his best friend's mom wanted to know if I would be okay if she made a play for my ex. She had met him at a cheerleading competition in Vegas and, yes, he's very charming, handsome and smells really nice.
I told him it was up to him whether or not he wanted to divulge the fact that his dad was gay (my son knew he was gay and he had figured it out himself).. He was the one it would affect. Therefore, if my child is the one impacted, I believe the decision should be theirs.
People at church. I would rather they know so they would understand that I am not being rude or cold or impolite or unsociable, but rather I have limits due to my autism. I want them to know that I do feel an attachment to them all, I just don't show it the same way NT's do.
If I want the rest of the world to understand what HF autism is, then I feel like I would be the best tool for them to learn this.
I know you are all going to think I'm crazy for this one. I told my ex#2 & 3. #2 because we still have a bond. He's gay and an ex con-artist, but we went through some pretty harrowing times together and we will always have that closeness. I told him because he knows me and I had questions I thought he possibly could answer (though he couldn't because he 'never had any complaints' with me). But my latest ex, I told for completely different reasons. My family knows what a jerk he was, they seen it. But his family doesn't. So I kind of told him that so he can use it as reason with his family why things did not work out with us. It doesn't hurt me, I never see them. He's a narcissist, but if they see him as a wonderful dad, why should I try to change that? I also told him so he would understand why I am not coming back (he kept thinking I might). I explained that when he would do things like come in from work and change music I was listening to and enjoying to music he knew I hated, that it was actually torturing me and I mean that literally. The reason I could not deal with a lot of the things he did was because of my autism and why I am happy with my current arrangement. I needed him to stop hoping or counting on me coming back, even after 4 years of being separated. Then he finally accepted it and went through with a divorce. I don't care if he knows. He knows who I am already and it doesn't change any of that.
I guess that's why I question why keep the diagnosis a secret. People already know who I am and if I tell them about the autism they are going to figure out that it's not a terrible thing.
Input.
As
@Judge said above, it is a crapshoot(although, in my experience, anyone who
can harm you, eventually
will harm you).
But it is not general harm that concerns me so much as coercion.
Human history is littered with stories of coercion, blackmail, extortion.
They seem to be as much a part of our history(although downplayed greatly--- the victor writes the history), as anything wholesome we have accomplished.
I have very little faith in those that have inside knowledge of another or group of others--- that knowledge is power.
The political landscape in the U.S., if nowhere else---and the partisanship inherent in it--- is ample testament.
There are a great many---possibly the majority--- who believe that unless you use a power, or a weapon, it is not truly a power or a weapon.
I have been used, abused, coerced, extorted, lied about--- in one instance a very large group of people was assembled to accuse me of something that I did not do, by the person who actually committed the deed---he skated, while, unfortunately, I took the fall for his actions.
At this point, I set aside the issue of whether I invite such treatment, however; such an assertion feels akin to the "she was asking to be (assaulted)" argument.
It is my experience, that if someone can
control you, eventually they will.
It is for this reason that I am often reluctant to offer advice to those wanting to understand why their "NT/ND" relationship went "bad", and asking for information as to how they can "better understand" their ND (ex?)partner.
"All's fair in love and war", after all.
If our sensitivities, habits, and traits are widely known, those unscrupulous among the general population will seize upon them just as they seize upon
any advantage--- with ruthless pragmatism.
My fears are already justified--- it simply may be that they do not materialize with any greater frequency than they do on average.
It may also be, as it so often is, that the object of my fears will materialize briefly in the growing pains of the search for equality, to recede with the eventual acceptance, understanding, and empowerment of we on the spectrum.
However (bear with me here), in the extreme, given that so many problems beset the very survival of humankind in our present situation, I can very well imagine(in the tradition of the very best science fiction)
Autistic individuals being rounded up, special details formed to identify them(think
Blade Runner), and those individuals being placed in "science camps" where they are imprisoned to work out the logistics of the survival of human-kind.
While this perhaps seems to be in the realm of fantasy, the Jews conscripted to the nazi war effort may beg to differ.
While the actuality of the unfolding of events in our struggle for equality is entirely unknown, if human history is to be learned from, the way forward is slow and careful.
I am not unsupportive of those brave, heroic, idealistic individuals that believe that education is the key to our eventual acceptance, appreciation, and realistic valuation by society at large. I share their ideals--- if not their confidence.
I remain optimistic, and hopeful that their judgement is not misplaced.
It would seem that while we "are not obligated to complete this task, we are also not at liberty to put it aside", if we are to progress toward a brighter future.
For the time being, I am content to observe, and offer up insight only if I believe that I can trust the kind intent of the one(s) requesting knowledge of how I act, how I feel, how I am affected, in certain
situations--- and I will be especially careful when that knowledge pertains to another or group of others.
sidd
