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Maybe @Mia is there now.
The trick is to be happy being a lemon.
There is no lemonade here. Im not making any.
Accept the lemon.
I felt basically the same way that you described. It's great to have a reason, not an "excuse," for being weird and different. But I don't really want anyone to know, because I think they'll judge me for it, or that I will use it as an excuse for getting out of work. So, I keep quiet.
I found that at first I was quite elated. I wasn't a lone nutcase anymore, and I had a name for why I was always different. At first it was wholly positive.
Then I started feeling uncomfortable with a label, and applying one with such weight to myself felt really weird.
Then as I read more, and saw how society treats autistic people I got really pissed off. It's unfair and moronic for the world to label and marginalise people who could make amazing contributions to life.
Next, and since I am self diagnosed, and since there is a small chunk of my brain that's an absolute dick head, I then experienced a lot of thoughts like "well maybe you're not anyway", "how do you know for sure?"
I've just been going through a stage where I've been trying to drop a lot of the things I do to "pass". This is the "screw you guys, my people are on the internet" stage.
These have been distinct, in that the came up and faded, but they now all exist to a lesser degree.
What comes next I wonder?
Be one with the lemon.
The ultimate truth is; there is only lemon.
Also, there is no lemon, and our lives are squeezed and twisted in the bitterness between citrus dimensions.
Or something.
I sometimes laugh at your posts while not completely getting them.
For the dyslexic aspie- you're not left out.
There's nothing wrong with being a melon.
When we talk about random social stuff, my husband's go-to phrase is "well, I've given up on the world. I only want to get along with you." That's when I know he's not up for a discussion.
When he's feeling happier, I try to bring whatever it is up again. Like one time, it was nearly mother's day and he didn't feel like greeting his mom. I just asked him again on the day itself and he was happy I reminded him so he can text both moms.
It can go from one way to the other with him (and me too, on other issues) so we just give each other space. Mood has a lot to do with it, I've found. Certain things remain the same, but when it comes to being patient with other people and "blending in", it depends on whether I have the energy for it.
Labels would be okay with me if it was there for the sake of efficiency. We call NTs like so after all. What's a bother is when there's an imaginary person fitting the autist image -- as in someone to disregard.
My mom says honey I love your enthusiasm I wish I was like that sometimes my depression gets the best of me and I don't know what to do and I just sit around and wallow and I wish that I was like you saw the silver lining reminded myself of how special I am and that it could be worse and I'm just not that kind of person and I love that you are and you always remind me of that and make me feel better and I say well I'm not always that way trust me and I have to constantly remind myself to be that person but 90% of the time I am I just have that 5% where I'm a little sad now and then and I find a way to turn that into it's always my aspergers and I wish I didn't have aspergers and life sucks.