Are there distinct stages people go through after diagnosis?

[SusanLR]

I am old enough now and being disabled physically too, that I would just like to live a simple life. But, I never prepared for this time of life. As long as I lived with my parents I never had to worry about being alone or always being under someone else's control. I could just be me, doing what I wanted so I wasn't prepared. Had I realised my weirdness was an actual condition (HFA), I might not have been so carefree and put some thought into what might I do to prepare for life after parents. Like taking baby steps to adjust to life in the world alone and figuring out a financial strategy so I wouldn't have to be under someone else's control due to lack of money like I am now.
Yes, at first I was elated to know why I was as I was. But, that wore off and I started realising what good is it doing me to know now? Now that I have no family, no friends and no way of supporting myself independently. And I'm still trying to find that peace of mind with just being with just myself.
I get depressed knowing I'll never be that carefree self again. Living with someone, even though they know about the autism now, I still feel obligated to act as I feel they think appropriate and the slightest put down puts me down! If my disabilities become too bad there is the possibility of assisted living. Again, under someone else's rules/controls. Doctors feel I shouldn't live alone due to my health. And having never lived alone I have no idea how that would feel or if I could do it.
I think my best bet would be if I could find that other Aspie Me as a partner. Might find some happiness together as some here have found.

 

[WereBear]

I think I have to work out how to drop the shields more. The world should deal with me in the raw, exactly how I am.

I do that a little more now, in safe spaces, like when I am alone or with a trusted person.

I was so tired the other night, and when that happens I get clumsier, and so I squirted myself in the eye with some liquid soap. And I lost my words, all I could struggle out to say was "SOAP!" and I was sobbing and so miserable.

Mr WereBear soothed me and got my eye washed out and it was okay, but I just don't have the energy from being so sick when no one knew what was wrong. I drained my main tank AND the reserve AND the little red can behind the seat. I spend my weekends as alone as I can, trying to fill those tanks up again. Adding on our spare apartment has been exactly the right thing to do for my health.

 

[WereBear]

I'd always thought Aspies had super powers. The complete focus on a particular subject, the ability the chase down, retain and expand that knowledge on that subject. unemotional logic for problem solving, seeing most things for what they actually are, the truth of something.
?

I know exactly what you mean and I totally agree.

Why should we be treated so badly when it is computers which have built the world the NTs love so much? And who did computers? Geeks! Who are we? Nerds and geeks, that's who!

 

[Ambi]

I am still going through this process, and I am self-diagnosed as well. So far:

1. WAIT....other people do/don't experience this/that/other thing? Could I be on the spectrum?
2. Completely burning out and facing the fact that I am likely on the spectrum, and have very real limitations that need to be dealt with. Acting out aspie traits due to burnout.
3. Discovering more from others what aspie traits are, and recognizing which things I share, and to what extent. Feeling happy to finally understand myself and to know that there are others like me!
4. Understanding that not allowing for my aspie traits - for expression and to protect boundaries/limitations, had forced out aspie traits - but also realizing that I need to express/allow for these traits to a degree to avoid future burnout and to find may out of the present one.
5. Allowed some expression of my aspieness on purpose, in order to try to feel more comfortable, to release pent up tension from years and years of suppression and ignorance of it all. I went into overload, though - like feasting after a famine, only more feasting than was good for my health or my finances. I don't know if I do or don't regret this. Well, I do and I don't.
6. Trying to find ways to approach all aspects of life in a way that accounts for my aspie traits.
7. My prediction for the next stage.....I guess actually managing all aspects of life in a way that accounts for my aspie traits....
8. And my prediction for the stage after that....accepting other people seeing my aspie traits, accepting that they will think that I have some traits or interests or activities that they think are weird.

 

[ImAnAspie]

I was first diagnosed in 2007. Although I'd heard of Asperger's Syndrome, I had no idea what it was or tht it was part of the Autism spectrum. I was sent to a psychiatrist by work for depression and he picked it up.

After I went home and did a bit of research on it and discovered it was a form of Autism, I got quite angry and just dismissed the psychiatrist as an idiot who didn't know what he was talking about (despite the fact that he was supposed to be one of the best psychiatrists in New South Wales). I then forgot about it for many years... until I was admitted to a psych hospital in 2013 for depression and alcohol addiction. The psychiatrist I was seeing 2 to 3 times a week for around 8 months had no knowledge of my previous diagnosis in 2007 and he also diagnosed me with Asperger's.

I then kind of waivered between belief and denial until I found out enough about it that it became impossible to deny.

Two top psychiatrists who didn't even know each other both came up with the same diagnosis. Then, I started to think there must be somthing in this so I started to research it again, only this time, with a more open mind.

Now I can see why they both diagnosed me with Asperger's. It explains a lot of stuff that's happened in my life and why I am the way I am. I enjoy the gifts it gives me and the downsides don't have to much of a detremental effect on me.

 

[Maiki]

Especially if you are high-functioning. Where you wonder if you're on some kind of "cusp", or even to take a step further on ponder if you're really on the spectrum at all. Where you have one hell of a lot of experience in mimicking NT behavior just to get by.

I'm new to the forum and that's just how I feel. Can't stop thinking of my life experiences, though, and how much sense they seem to make when viewed through the AS lens.

 

[cmarie]

5. Depression. Everything that is special about me is just a disorder, it is true.

That's exactly how I'm currently feeling

I went from:

1. Being Relieved: I am not alone!
2. Denial: Could this really be? Am I making this up?
3. Realization: EVERYTHING makes soo much sense now.
4. Annoyed and Anxious: Everyones going to label me as disabled. People already think I weird , this will just make things worse. My family already talks crap about me just wait until they find out. No one could know!
5. And the stage I'm currently at, Depression: Everything that I thought was me/special is just a disorder..who am I out side of it? Is that all to me?

 

[WereBear]

Depression: Everything that I thought was me/special is just a disorder..who am I out side of it? Is that all to me?

It's only bad use of language that makes us have a "disorder." That's the beauty of realizing that who we are is neuro-diverse.

We are different. Different is not bad.

 

[Bella Pines]

And the stage I'm currently at, Depression: Everything that I thought was me/special is just a disorder..who am I out side of it? Is that all to me?

Annoyance, depression, confusion may iterate a few times! Also the diagnosis may take a while coming, or be wrong! I took a bunch of online tests too. I know that labels are generally bad because people often feel obligated to live up to the label, but I just wanted to understand myself.

Nothing specific happened to get me through depression and confusion, just time. Over time it just became part of my life and acceptance eventually happened. Then when I realized that I could look up things here and on the internet like "how do I cope with meltdowns", then retrospection washed over me and I started to think back over my life. How I never really had any friends, how I always went off on my own, why I see patterns when no one else does.

Then finally, I started to think, well, would I change anything? Do I want to be "neurotypical"? And once I could genuinely answer no, then I gained back the sense of being special that I had as a child and started to take pride in my autistic gifts.

 

[Full Steam]

I've just gone official.

I now have been diagnosed ASD, ADHD.

Happy happy

I'm not just the special 1%, but even MORE special than that!

I don't believe I'm disordered, but neurodiverse, and I love what's happening with the ND movement.

It's a very exciting time to be autistic or ADHD.

 

[Streetwise]

I've just gone official.

I now have been diagnosed ASD, ADHD.

Happy happy

I'm not just the special 1%, but even MORE special than that!

I don't believe I'm disordered, but neurodiverse, and I love what's happening with the ND movement.

It's a very exciting time to be autistic or ADHD.

Congratulations,felicititations,simcha tov (transliterated meaning joy in Hebrew)to you

 

[jeffry7]

I was recently told by my psychiatrist. I am 47. There has never been a hint of this before despite seeing a number of mental health professionals back in my 30s. Right now I am dealing with denial. It doesn't make sense.

But I also realize I don't have enough information for it to not make sense. I can't deny something I don't understand. So I have been reading these forums to see what others are saying. Sometimes their experiences are familiar.

Part of the issue is that I have personal explanations for things I do that would have to be thrown out if the real reason was I was on the spectrum. These explanations were hard to come by.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

that I have personal explanations for things I do that would have to be thrown out if the real reason was I was on the spectrum. These explanations were hard to come by

You still have personal agency.
ASD is a bunch of tendencies.

You get to keep your reasoning imo.

ASD, perhaps ,is a hidden bonus which can give extra clarity to what you do.
Yet doesn't necessarily change it fundamentally.
Perhaps a deeper foundation,perhaps a sprinkle on top.

I'm 48. I went on a long journey and ended up in the same place,if you follow my meaning.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I don't think in went through stages, but first, I was very relieved and obsessed with looking at blogs/videos by autistic people. Then I just got over it. Sometimes, the obsession comes back up.