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Are there distinct stages people go through after diagnosis?

Full Steam

Full Steam

The renegade master
V.I.P Member
I found that at first I was quite elated. I wasn't a lone nutcase anymore, and I had a name for why I was always different. At first it was wholly positive.

Then I started feeling uncomfortable with a label, and applying one with such weight to myself felt really weird.

Then as I read more, and saw how society treats autistic people I got really pissed off. It's unfair and moronic for the world to label and marginalise people who could make amazing contributions to life.

Next, and since I am self diagnosed, and since there is a small chunk of my brain that's an absolute dick head, I then experienced a lot of thoughts like "well maybe you're not anyway", "how do you know for sure?"

I've just been going through a stage where I've been trying to drop a lot of the things I do to "pass". This is the "screw you guys, my people are on the internet" stage.

These have been distinct, in that the came up and faded, but they now all exist to a lesser degree.


What comes next I wonder?
 
Not unlike the giraffe, I went through the classical stages of grief. I'm comfortablewith my diagnosis now, but it's taken me some time.
 
That's a very good question, and it made me think of the exact same thing as Bolletje (thanks for the link, I'm not sure I would have remembered it was from Robot Chicken).

I've been going through various stages as well, but my brain is a little foggy, and it's just started massively raining, so please excuse me as I leave this page for now and head to bed: nothing soothes me like the sound and smell of heavy rain, and this is a very narrow window to enjoy.
I'll be back later today with my stages post-diagnosis.
 
When we talk about random social stuff, my husband's go-to phrase is "well, I've given up on the world. I only want to get along with you." That's when I know he's not up for a discussion.

When he's feeling happier, I try to bring whatever it is up again. Like one time, it was nearly mother's day and he didn't feel like greeting his mom. I just asked him again on the day itself and he was happy I reminded him so he can text both moms.

It can go from one way to the other with him (and me too, on other issues) so we just give each other space. Mood has a lot to do with it, I've found. Certain things remain the same, but when it comes to being patient with other people and "blending in", it depends on whether I have the energy for it.

Labels would be okay with me if it was there for the sake of efficiency. We call NTs like so after all. What's a bother is when there's an imaginary person fitting the autist image -- as in someone to disregard.
 
I found it interesting to understand various traits that I had known were different and some, like the anxiety and sensory issues, that were downright miserable. But, having a label for it all hasn't given me any idea of how to be comfortable with myself and others.
As far as the stigma, I find any mental health label is something I don't feel comfortable talking about unless it's with others that are in the same group, like here.
To be called odd or weird doesn't feel as bad as some type of 'crazy'. And that's what the majority will call anything related to emotional, thought or mental issues. So for me there have been no phases post diagnosis. Just something I don't let people know about. I feel no different about myself.
 
i think we are experiencing a form of grief not physical death but we react the same way
so its shock(anger)denial (depression )acceptance (coping with trauma)
you are accepting by saying screw you IVE got my people
Full Steam said:
I found that at first I was quite elated. I wasn't a lone nutcase anymore, and I had a name for why I was always different. At first it was wholly positive.

Then I started feeling uncomfortable with a label, and applying one with such weight to myself felt really weird.

Then as I read more, and saw how society treats autistic people I got really pissed off. It's unfair and moronic for the world to label and marginalise people who could make amazing contributions to life.

Next, and since I am self diagnosed, and since there is a small chunk of my brain that's an absolute dick head, I then experienced a lot of thoughts like "well maybe you're not anyway", "how do you know for sure?"

I've just been going through a stage where I've been trying to drop a lot of the things I do to "pass". This is the "screw you guys, my people are on the internet" stage.

These have been distinct, in that the came up and faded, but they now all exist to a lesser degree.


What comes next I wonder?
Click to expand...
 
to clarify the happy part comes just before panic (excitement is part of panic but may not necessarily experience fight flight or the rare catatonic like state )
 
if its
Full Steam said:
I found that at first I was quite elated. I wasn't a lone nutcase anymore, and I had a name for why I was always different. At first it was wholly positive.

Then I started feeling uncomfortable with a label, and applying one with such weight to myself felt really weird.

Then as I read more, and saw how society treats autistic people I got really pissed off. It's unfair and moronic for the world to label and marginalise people who could make amazing contributions to life.

Next, and since I am self diagnosed, and since there is a small chunk of my brain that's an absolute dick head, I then experienced a lot of thoughts like "well maybe you're not anyway", "how do you know for sure?"

I've just been going through a stage where I've been trying to drop a lot of the things I do to "pass". This is the "screw you guys, my people are on the internet" stage.

These have been distinct, in that the came up and faded, but they now all exist to a lesser degree.


What comes next I wonder?
Click to expand...
grief the stages could be in any order
 
How fascinating!

Yes you are absolutely right. Have you ever read about the stages of trauma, or divorce or grieving? Things like denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

I bet there is a pattern there.

I bet the steps are analogous.

My steps after self diagnosis were:
  1. Confusion and denial. Could this really be true?
  2. Elation. I am not alone.
  3. Resistance. I am technically disabled, it can't be true.
  4. Annoyance. They have labelled me as disabled.
  5. Depression. Everything that is special about me is just a disorder, it is true.
  6. Confusion. Now what?
  7. Acceptance. Okay nothing has actually changed and my brain is coming to terms with it
  8. Retrospection. Okay that explains a lot.
  9. Pride. I am special and good for me, I wouldn't want to be any other way!
 
Recently Self-diagnosed at 53. Now that I know about my AS, I have stopped attempting to answer my life long pursuit of "why don't I fit in". I have also accepted that "this is it", as in not much is going to change except for my ability to better utilize coping mechanisms.

As a result of now calming my mind, relief from the life long anxiety; a new world of emotions is appearing before me because I am actually taking the time to ask myself "how do I feel?" This simple question is yet another greatest gift.

So I would add that "acceptance" and "retrospective" can some times open the door for "possibility".
 
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Good post, Full Steam. Sure, on occasion many of us may still question ourselves once we've accepted our own neurological state. I suppose it's opposite outright denial. That part of us that still, for whatever reason has a little doubt about it all.

Especially if you are high-functioning. Where you wonder if you're on some kind of "cusp", or even to take a step further on ponder if you're really on the spectrum at all. Where you have one hell of a lot of experience in mimicking NT behavior just to get by.

Though for me such thoughts dwindle with the passage of time, having spent so much of it learning how much in common I have with others of my own kind. Right here. ;)

I can only say that for myself, I'm ok with who- and what I am. Because I am autistic. :cool:
 
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I'm a little more than two years in. Knowing that I'm autistic and that my husband is as well. I retired from NT life, as did my spouse. So that's made it easy. Money is deposited in my bank account and both our pensions cover each and every need we have. We're both okay. I no longer have to placate family, work people, I've become self-sufficient and now have the ability to say no. I don't go to places, or visit people out of the need to socialize unless I want to. See a few friends, now and then.

Decide what I want to do, where I want to go, and plan accordingly. Work on my art, and live the life I want. Don't know about stages, and don't know if they apply to me. Finally achieving my own life, after a lifetime of hard work is all I want. And, it's really all I care to do. No more wringing of the hands, no more anxiety or stress. Stages? Don't know if I'm self-aware enough to recognize them just yet.
 
Momo said:
The next stage is transforming into a lemon, or so the legend says...
Click to expand...
giphy.gif
 
I think there are stages... below are the ones I have gone through so far.

1. Omg everything makes so much sense now!!!
2. Thank God I'm not alone!!!
3. Ah crap - the world thinks I'm incredibly handicapped. FML
4. You need to get diagnosed by a specialist - until then you are just a hypochondriac!!
5. Screw the NT's, I will shake my head back and forth, wring my hands and rock if I want to.
6. So.. I'm never going to FEEL normal? So depressed.
 
My first thought was, This explains so much.

As I research-binged, I realize that while I knew more about myself... the world at large didn't know much more than that :) I must admit I was kind of shocked that women were so unacknowledged; this isn't some ancient area of knowledge where misogyny is a given, after all. Sigh.

This was great because I finally had the answer to years of health struggles. The bad news was that it was my job that was doing it to me. :( Fortunately, I have been both lucky and pro-active about changing that, and things may be looking up on that front.

It did me a tremendous favor in another way, too: I realized I had to invest in myself, and the usual routes of advancement were now closed to me. I started in on my long-neglected writing career with serious intent, and invested some money in our family business.

My biggest problem at the moment is wondering how I do the social things that wear me out so much. I am not aware that I am revving my mental engine to do them... they still feel "instinctual" even though I now know they cannot be :D

But I do not regret being ME for an instant... I love my weird brain, I really do.
 
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