Datura
Well-Known Member
I spent this past evening with my ex-boyfriend. We have a somewhat interesting relationship. We dated for about a year, and really got along as friends. We could hold long deep conversations about game design, cinema, and just about any other topic. We also enjoyed the same kid of activities and generally found each other interesting.
What put a kink in our relationship is the fact that I just really don't like sex. I like to cuddle, but even that gets exhausting after a while. When he first tried to get intimate with me I would just kind of freeze up and avert my gaze. Eventually I warmed up to him and actually enjoyed myself. I made my boundaries clear, and he made it clear that this was fine, for now, but that down the line he might have to move on.
Eventually I noticed that he seemed more distant around me and I was anticipating a breakup. He called me for a date night and broke it to me at the mall that he was seeing an other girl, who presumably was willing to give him what he was looking for. I had met her a couple of times already, and she seemed nice. The exchange was awkward, but it broke the tension that our relationship had suffered up to that point. We the then went on to have our best date ever, heading to a high end steak house for a wonderful dinner.
Following our breakup we remained friends. Though it was a bit awkward at first I even started to get to know his girlfriend (now fiance). And this may sound odd, but I was never jealous about him going off with an other girl. It didn't upset me one but, and as far as I can tell his fiance is fine with him still hanging out with me. She even comes over to my place for an RPG campaign I am running.
Anyway; I was out with my ex tonight. We had a nice dinner and stopped in a park to chat. I told him about the troubles I have been having lately and disclosed that I feel silly telling him this, but I think I might be on the spectrum. He asked me why I felt that way and I told him about my difficulty socializing as a child, my stimming, and my general issues with controlling my emotions and getting my life together. He then told me that what I was describing sounded a lot like his fiance, who is diagnosed. He reached out an rubbed my knee. I gently brushed his had aside and rubbed the spot he had just touched. "Right, that's not comforting.", he said.
"I guess you have a type.", I told him.
"Well, I guess I like girls who are like me, or at least the way I used to be.", he responded. "I've changed a lot really quickly, after not changing for a long time. You were a big part of that."
"I didn't set out to change you.", I explained, "That usually ends in failure. But I'm glad I had some part to play."
It was a wonderful evening. I feel really blessed to have a friend like him, somebody I can confide in without judgement. I might also have to talk to his fiance. I'm still figuring things out, and maybe she has some insights. Typically you would think we should be bitter enemies, but I am so glad we are not.
What put a kink in our relationship is the fact that I just really don't like sex. I like to cuddle, but even that gets exhausting after a while. When he first tried to get intimate with me I would just kind of freeze up and avert my gaze. Eventually I warmed up to him and actually enjoyed myself. I made my boundaries clear, and he made it clear that this was fine, for now, but that down the line he might have to move on.
Eventually I noticed that he seemed more distant around me and I was anticipating a breakup. He called me for a date night and broke it to me at the mall that he was seeing an other girl, who presumably was willing to give him what he was looking for. I had met her a couple of times already, and she seemed nice. The exchange was awkward, but it broke the tension that our relationship had suffered up to that point. We the then went on to have our best date ever, heading to a high end steak house for a wonderful dinner.
Following our breakup we remained friends. Though it was a bit awkward at first I even started to get to know his girlfriend (now fiance). And this may sound odd, but I was never jealous about him going off with an other girl. It didn't upset me one but, and as far as I can tell his fiance is fine with him still hanging out with me. She even comes over to my place for an RPG campaign I am running.
Anyway; I was out with my ex tonight. We had a nice dinner and stopped in a park to chat. I told him about the troubles I have been having lately and disclosed that I feel silly telling him this, but I think I might be on the spectrum. He asked me why I felt that way and I told him about my difficulty socializing as a child, my stimming, and my general issues with controlling my emotions and getting my life together. He then told me that what I was describing sounded a lot like his fiance, who is diagnosed. He reached out an rubbed my knee. I gently brushed his had aside and rubbed the spot he had just touched. "Right, that's not comforting.", he said.
"I guess you have a type.", I told him.
"Well, I guess I like girls who are like me, or at least the way I used to be.", he responded. "I've changed a lot really quickly, after not changing for a long time. You were a big part of that."
"I didn't set out to change you.", I explained, "That usually ends in failure. But I'm glad I had some part to play."
It was a wonderful evening. I feel really blessed to have a friend like him, somebody I can confide in without judgement. I might also have to talk to his fiance. I'm still figuring things out, and maybe she has some insights. Typically you would think we should be bitter enemies, but I am so glad we are not.
