PPOI!
New Member
‘ello there, folks. Your bristly neighborhood PPOI! here.
To be honest, probably half a year ago from now, I had had NO IDEA I would be here.
My childhood sucked. Family problems, not fitting in at school, feeling like an idealistic overachiever at my core, and a weak, nutso sloth smothering me and bringing me down constantly. I have some successes, stumble through life, wreck relationships and slither from job to job. Life goes on.
I’m a little past 30 now. I’d been diagnosed with major depression and social/generalized anxiety. Over the years the ADHD possibility has been tossed around by doctors and acquaintances alike, but I never had the resources for a diagnosis. There were a few other blips in my mental health record, mainly a type of PTSD.
And so, erm, a while back I started talking with this guy online. He’s smart and nice, but has some quirks and moods. He admits he doesn’t really have a social life. I reply, hey, it’s cool, I don’t either. He says it's because of his ASD. Okay. But he still turned out really cool and supportive from early on and fun to chat / game with so we both awkwardly profess our friendship to each other. LUL.
In the meantime, in spite of my being a fruit salad of mental health and other brain issues, I find myself realizing that I actually don’t know much about the Spectrum. That won’t do. I have a friend-being now, and I must commune with him.
I research. Read, watch, listen. Things start sounding too familiar. I think a different friend who knows me and my quirks and my past pretty well flatly asked, “are you sure you don’t have Asperger's?” (There was context, I promise.) I think I brushed it off during that time. But.
But after stumbling upon some videos on the common traits of autism spectrum disorders in females... I must renege. To some degree, I have begun feeling like everything is me, to some degree - it’s nuts.
I am finding myself very confused right now.
My life has been series of deep and dark depressions, feeling alienated and uncertain, chasing after the fixation of the moment, misreading people all of the time then dealing with the fallout, breaking down, building back up, weaving together a blanket of coping mechanisms I hope will blunt the fall next time.
Being that I am such a hot mess, and do not even have the resources to deal with some physical afflictions that have come up, I feel stuck. I don’t know if I should take this seriously, and I don’t want to feel like I am trying to get some type of attention or push for a handout.
Currently, I feel like I'm fretting over all the ASD101 syllabus topics: “What do I do now?”, “Should I seek a diagnosis?”, “Who do I tell?”, “Where did I put my headphones?”
So the journey continues. I hope to get to know about myself, the condition, (if it applies to me), and the members here as well. Please be patient with me, guys! I look forward and hope for good things here. Thanks for reading.
To be honest, probably half a year ago from now, I had had NO IDEA I would be here.
My childhood sucked. Family problems, not fitting in at school, feeling like an idealistic overachiever at my core, and a weak, nutso sloth smothering me and bringing me down constantly. I have some successes, stumble through life, wreck relationships and slither from job to job. Life goes on.
I’m a little past 30 now. I’d been diagnosed with major depression and social/generalized anxiety. Over the years the ADHD possibility has been tossed around by doctors and acquaintances alike, but I never had the resources for a diagnosis. There were a few other blips in my mental health record, mainly a type of PTSD.
And so, erm, a while back I started talking with this guy online. He’s smart and nice, but has some quirks and moods. He admits he doesn’t really have a social life. I reply, hey, it’s cool, I don’t either. He says it's because of his ASD. Okay. But he still turned out really cool and supportive from early on and fun to chat / game with so we both awkwardly profess our friendship to each other. LUL.
In the meantime, in spite of my being a fruit salad of mental health and other brain issues, I find myself realizing that I actually don’t know much about the Spectrum. That won’t do. I have a friend-being now, and I must commune with him.
I research. Read, watch, listen. Things start sounding too familiar. I think a different friend who knows me and my quirks and my past pretty well flatly asked, “are you sure you don’t have Asperger's?” (There was context, I promise.) I think I brushed it off during that time. But.
But after stumbling upon some videos on the common traits of autism spectrum disorders in females... I must renege. To some degree, I have begun feeling like everything is me, to some degree - it’s nuts.
I am finding myself very confused right now.
My life has been series of deep and dark depressions, feeling alienated and uncertain, chasing after the fixation of the moment, misreading people all of the time then dealing with the fallout, breaking down, building back up, weaving together a blanket of coping mechanisms I hope will blunt the fall next time.
Being that I am such a hot mess, and do not even have the resources to deal with some physical afflictions that have come up, I feel stuck. I don’t know if I should take this seriously, and I don’t want to feel like I am trying to get some type of attention or push for a handout.
Currently, I feel like I'm fretting over all the ASD101 syllabus topics: “What do I do now?”, “Should I seek a diagnosis?”, “Who do I tell?”, “Where did I put my headphones?”
So the journey continues. I hope to get to know about myself, the condition, (if it applies to me), and the members here as well. Please be patient with me, guys! I look forward and hope for good things here. Thanks for reading.
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