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Alcoholism/undiagnosed aspergers.

steph

Well-Known Member
i have an alcohol problem. over the years i've reflected a lot on why i need alcohol so much more than others, and i've determined its because its one of the only things that enables me to enjoy being around large groups of people. i'm not shy, but i find it incredibly tiring to carry on regular conversations sober with people i don't know well. i'm never really sure when its my turn to speak. i also don't see the point in small talk, or talking to people about things that don't interest me. people often think i'm cold, mean, or don't like them because i don't talk to them. but its usually just because i have nothing to say. i also don't know how to approach people and start a conversation in a fluid, natural way. when i'm drunk i feel like all of these things are easier.

examining these issues lead me to asperger's. i've never been diagnosed with anything, but i think i have a lot of asperger traits. a few:
-i get immersed in things far more than the average person. as a child i was obsessed with fantasy novels, computers, and drawing horses. at 10/11 i had around a dozen websites. i am still very fascinated by computer programming and software, and i program for fun. often i don't get really obsessed with one particular thing, but i will spend hours, days, or weeks reading information about random things others don't care about. i'm actually known for my tendency to know (and blurt out) random useless facts.
-as a kid my teachers suspected i was hearing impaired because i would completely ignore them. i even had to get sent to a specialist, who tested me and determined my hearing was actually much better than average. after that teachers just thought i was daydreamy. despite this apparent lack of attention, i did exceptionally well in every subject.
-as a kid i had very strict eating routines. for awhile there were only 6 or so meals i would eat. i was also very fussy with my clothing, and would throw tantrums if things didn't fit "right."
-i put a heavy emphasis on what is logical and almost completely ignore emotional aspects to problems. i've been called "robotic" because of this. i don't understand why anyone makes decisions based on their feelings, which i find unreliable and usually irrelevant.
-i'm very inclined towards towards science, math and technology (i have a bachelors in math). not sure if this is specifically asperger-y, but it seems common.
-i have very low empathy. seeing my loved ones cry doesn't upset me, and its always confused me when people say things like "i'm so excited for you!" (until recently i was under the impression this was only a figure of speech). if i try to imagine myself going through what they are going through, i can imagine how i'd feel, but i don't feel for them. i do still care, though. i don't want people to be sad or hurt, and i do try to cheer them up when they are, i just simply can't get emotionally invested in their problems.
-i think because of the empathy thing^ others often view me as selfish or cold. i don't think i'm either. i think of others and have good intentions, i just don't reach out to people when i should. random gestures of kindness seem very unnatural.
-i'm terrible at vocalizing my feelings. even saying stuff like "i really appreciate you listening" seems terribly awkward to me. however, i can usually articulate my feelings relatively well in writing.
-i have a very good memory for facts, but a terrible one for faces. if i haven't seen a person in a couple years i can hardly recognize them. i realize they're from somewhere but can't quite recall where.
-as a kid i was put into speech therapy because i spoke strangely, apparently i sounded like i had a weird accent. i speak normally now, but monotonously with little inflection (or so others tell me).

what do you guys think? i identify with a lot of aspergers but i also feel like someone would have noticed if i really was on the spectrum. generally people just think i'm weird, nerdy, or a girl exhibiting "typical masculine" characteristics. does anyone else relate?
 
It's very possible that you have undiagnosed Aspergers. The part about being obsessed with horses sounds a lot like me! I was so obsessed with horses I actually wanted to be one! My parents and teachers tried their damndest to break me of that obsession; they succeeded somewhat. I still love horses but they cause me pain if you know what I mean, it just hurts too much to be around them, all the memories. As for the alcoholic business, well, let's just say I do like my wine and I do like my beer and I usually have one or the other at night, but I don't get drunk and I don't drive drunk and I am very reliable at work so my attitude right now is if I am an alcoholic, so what, I am not hurting anyone.
 
I'm not sure how to do this but I believe my Husband is suffering the same thing. he is an alcoholic but I believe he has some kind of alspergers spectrum problem. too many doctors want to make alcoholism is primary problem but I and I believe one of his sisters believe that adhd/aspergers/autism problem is his primary. What do I do. I don't want to believe it is too late for my husband. He is a wonderful person. I hope i responded to this correctly.

i have an alcohol problem. over the years i've reflected a lot on why i need alcohol so much more than others, and i've determined its because its one of the only things that enables me to enjoy being around large groups of people. i'm not shy, but i find it incredibly tiring to carry on regular conversations sober with people i don't know well. i'm never really sure when its my turn to speak. i also don't see the point in small talk, or talking to people about things that don't interest me. people often think i'm cold, mean, or don't like them because i don't talk to them. but its usually just because i have nothing to say. i also don't know how to approach people and start a conversation in a fluid, natural way. when i'm drunk i feel like all of these things are easier.

examining these issues lead me to asperger's. i've never been diagnosed with anything, but i think i have a lot of asperger traits. a few:
-i get immersed in things far more than the average person. as a child i was obsessed with fantasy novels, computers, and drawing horses. at 10/11 i had around a dozen websites. i am still very fascinated by computer programming and software, and i program for fun. often i don't get really obsessed with one particular thing, but i will spend hours, days, or weeks reading information about random things others don't care about. i'm actually known for my tendency to know (and blurt out) random useless facts.
-as a kid my teachers suspected i was hearing impaired because i would completely ignore them. i even had to get sent to a specialist, who tested me and determined my hearing was actually much better than average. after that teachers just thought i was daydreamy. despite this apparent lack of attention, i did exceptionally well in every subject.
-as a kid i had very strict eating routines. for awhile there were only 6 or so meals i would eat. i was also very fussy with my clothing, and would throw tantrums if things didn't fit "right."
-i put a heavy emphasis on what is logical and almost completely ignore emotional aspects to problems. i've been called "robotic" because of this. i don't understand why anyone makes decisions based on their feelings, which i find unreliable and usually irrelevant.
-i'm very inclined towards towards science, math and technology (i have a bachelors in math). not sure if this is specifically asperger-y, but it seems common.
-i have very low empathy. seeing my loved ones cry doesn't upset me, and its always confused me when people say things like "i'm so excited for you!" (until recently i was under the impression this was only a figure of speech). if i try to imagine myself going through what they are going through, i can imagine how i'd feel, but i don't feel for them. i do still care, though. i don't want people to be sad or hurt, and i do try to cheer them up when they are, i just simply can't get emotionally invested in their problems.
-i think because of the empathy thing^ others often view me as selfish or cold. i don't think i'm either. i think of others and have good intentions, i just don't reach out to people when i should. random gestures of kindness seem very unnatural.
-i'm terrible at vocalizing my feelings. even saying stuff like "i really appreciate you listening" seems terribly awkward to me. however, i can usually articulate my feelings relatively well in writing.
-i have a very good memory for facts, but a terrible one for faces. if i haven't seen a person in a couple years i can hardly recognize them. i realize they're from somewhere but can't quite recall where.
-as a kid i was put into speech therapy because i spoke strangely, apparently i sounded like i had a weird accent. i speak normally now, but monotonously with little inflection (or so others tell me).

what do you guys think? i identify with a lot of aspergers but i also feel like someone would have noticed if i really was on the spectrum. generally people just think i'm weird, nerdy, or a girl exhibiting "typical masculine" characteristics. does anyone else relate?
 
i have an alcohol problem. over the years i've reflected a lot on why i need alcohol so much more than others, and i've determined its because its one of the only things that enables me to enjoy being around large groups of people. i'm not shy, but i find it incredibly tiring to carry on regular conversations sober with people i don't know well. i'm never really sure when its my turn to speak. i also don't see the point in small talk, or talking to people about things that don't interest me. people often think i'm cold, mean, or don't like them because i don't talk to them. but its usually just because i have nothing to say. i also don't know how to approach people and start a conversation in a fluid, natural way. when i'm drunk i feel like all of these things are easier.

examining these issues lead me to asperger's. i've never been diagnosed with anything, but i think i have a lot of asperger traits. a few:
-i get immersed in things far more than the average person. as a child i was obsessed with fantasy novels, computers, and drawing horses. at 10/11 i had around a dozen websites. i am still very fascinated by computer programming and software, and i program for fun. often i don't get really obsessed with one particular thing, but i will spend hours, days, or weeks reading information about random things others don't care about. i'm actually known for my tendency to know (and blurt out) random useless facts.
-as a kid my teachers suspected i was hearing impaired because i would completely ignore them. i even had to get sent to a specialist, who tested me and determined my hearing was actually much better than average. after that teachers just thought i was daydreamy. despite this apparent lack of attention, i did exceptionally well in every subject.
-as a kid i had very strict eating routines. for awhile there were only 6 or so meals i would eat. i was also very fussy with my clothing, and would throw tantrums if things didn't fit "right."
-i put a heavy emphasis on what is logical and almost completely ignore emotional aspects to problems. i've been called "robotic" because of this. i don't understand why anyone makes decisions based on their feelings, which i find unreliable and usually irrelevant.
-i'm very inclined towards towards science, math and technology (i have a bachelors in math). not sure if this is specifically asperger-y, but it seems common.
-i have very low empathy. seeing my loved ones cry doesn't upset me, and its always confused me when people say things like "i'm so excited for you!" (until recently i was under the impression this was only a figure of speech). if i try to imagine myself going through what they are going through, i can imagine how i'd feel, but i don't feel for them. i do still care, though. i don't want people to be sad or hurt, and i do try to cheer them up when they are, i just simply can't get emotionally invested in their problems.
-i think because of the empathy thing^ others often view me as selfish or cold. i don't think i'm either. i think of others and have good intentions, i just don't reach out to people when i should. random gestures of kindness seem very unnatural.
-i'm terrible at vocalizing my feelings. even saying stuff like "i really appreciate you listening" seems terribly awkward to me. however, i can usually articulate my feelings relatively well in writing.
-i have a very good memory for facts, but a terrible one for faces. if i haven't seen a person in a couple years i can hardly recognize them. i realize they're from somewhere but can't quite recall where.
-as a kid i was put into speech therapy because i spoke strangely, apparently i sounded like i had a weird accent. i speak normally now, but monotonously with little inflection (or so others tell me).

what do you guys think? i identify with a lot of aspergers but i also feel like someone would have noticed if i really was on the spectrum. generally people just think i'm weird, nerdy, or a girl exhibiting "typical masculine" characteristics. does anyone else relate?

Yes, I definately can, and everything you've listed is an Asperger's spectrum trait. People on the spectrum will vary with degrees of these traits much more than society usually understands! It is not obvious much of the time with a lot of people that I would necessarily be on it, but that is the irony/complexity of ASD itself:) I know intuitively inside that I am, besides having the diagnosis. I've come to meet many people in my adult support group, that havn't a diagnosis, but came to it out of their intuition, curiousity and issues, that have discovered more fullly that they are. It's just something we know inside; when I found out there was such a name/description for my life experience, it was quite profound. Our group does notrequire that members have a diagnosis.
I am 41, was diagnosed with being on the Asperger's Spectrum just 3 years ago, and my use of alcohol had progressed to a point a year ago, hand in hand with an unhealthy relationship, to where I sought help within an A.A. meeting. I have seen other Aspies have alcohol issues/addiction, but there are also a lot of people with tendencies towards other types of addictive behaviors. It is common, but not necessary to go hand in hand. There are a lot of factors involved towards creating and obvious addiction. Our over-focus trait can definately lend a big hand towards one. I have also received a dual diagnosis of bi-polar as well, which can be similar to some autism spectrum traits; there tends to be a lot of an addictive phenomenon within this spectrum too; I think that sometimes diagnosis' can overlap a bit, and no 2 people who are even on about the same point of these large spectrums, will be the same either. Anyways, thanks a ton for sharing, because I want to hear from more people that I have some similarities with.
 
I was diagnosed a long time ago...I am also a recovering alcoholic and had all the symptoms you speak of. The most difficult part was being sober and struggling to deal with aspie symptoms after much work with the 12 steps. And although I have had a lot of behavioral modification therapy as a child and my behaviors are most usually appropriate, still it is very tiring a times
 
Sounds Steph that you do have a lot of ASD Traits, the thing is there is still hard time for females being dianogsied with AS. That being said...it might be helpful to get help for Alcohol addiction inconjuction for therapy with someone who understands teh complexities of Autism and Addictions.

I don't drink, I have never even tried drugs, I don't even smoke or party at all. I don't even try to be something other than I am which makes it hard sometimes. But I know it is hard for females to get diagnosed with AS and I know that people cope in many ways too.
 
I have had a lot of experience with alcohol. I am a diagnosed Aspie. Alcohol helped numb the sensory overload and makes it easier to socialize, but I would say for people on the Spectrum, STAY AWAY FROM IT. If you are drinking a lot, please get help. There are some medications that can make the urge go away. I just got a DUI, it's not worth it. If you're Autistic in any way, you will react badly to alcohol.
We are a lot alike by reading your description - I'm also a logical robot according to people, ignoring emotion. I also am masculine in many ways, I dressed as a boy until I was 13 or 14, and my way os speaking can be very boyish. NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!
Also, I wasn't diagnosed until age 20. As Arashi said, it's hard for females to be diagnosed.

Welcome to AC by the way, diagnosed or not, you can make friends here =)
 
Yep,you are exactly like me too. I rarely drink now, but during my high school years I always had to be the drunkest one at the party. I had tons of friends because I was usually drinking when I was with other people, otherwise I could not socialize.
 
A little off the beaten path but about 6 or 7 years ago I was helping a guy bring guys to the Emergency Room. Most had drunk too much & were alcoholics etc. 100% of them were diagnosed by the E.R. Doctor [read non-psychiatrist] as being Bi-polar.

These patients would then go to a 2nd doctor, say "the ER doctor said I have bipolar, what do you think?" And 100% of the 2nd doctors would ask a few questions and go "yup you have bipolar."
By the time they'd see a psychiatrist the patient would say "2-3 doctors said I have Bipolar what do you think?"

And in 100% of the cases I heard of the psychiatrists would say to the adult patients "oh yes you are bipolar, take 100 tablets daily of ___, 60 tablets of ___ and 3 large nuclear pills of ___. Then call me in the morning..."

My point is Bipolar is the soup du jour. If you have Aspergers you might not be diagnosed because imo there's less money in it for many people including RX's etc. I might be wrong but have noticed a countrywide trend in many children being dxed with Aspergers but not adults?

Ok rant over...
 
The "weird accent" thing was actually part of the questionnaire I filled out for my son when he was diagnosed with ADHD and the specialist recognised Asperger's traits. My son spoke with a strong American accent until he was 5 or 6, despite never having even met an American.

Sounds like you tick all the boxes.
 
This sounds EXTREMELY similar to my own situation. I often feel as though most people's brains operate like analog systems whereas my own operates like a digital system, but when I get drunk, I shift into a more analog kind of mode. It DEFINITELY makes social interaction feel more natural and intuitive.

My advice? Try explaining this phenomenon to a doctor and ask for a short-acting barbiturate. The doctor will probably want to try a benzodiazepine instead, but benzos are just sedatives; they don't "loosen the tongue" like alcohol and barbiturates do (this apparently has to do with the fact that alcohol and barbs act on GABA, glutamate, and a few other receptors, but benzos only act on GABA receptors).
 
Alcoholism is a very common problem with Aspies, (I've been there) as it allows us to more easily do things that don't come naturally to us.
There's a problem though; we tend to be at our best when our Aspergers-powered brains are running at full capacity, so dumbing us down with alcohol stunts our growth because it prevents us from learning to socialise without its influence.
This has been my experience anyway, based on myself and other Aspies I know.
 
You are right when you say that having a drink makes socializing easier. It also helps me when I am stressed or bored. I also will have another glass of wine instead of a fattening dessert.
I usually drink before dinner in the evening & have wine with my dinner, which Iix with club soda. I have never started drinking in the am or gone to work drunk. If I drink more than I should it' s usually because I am bored or stressed, period.
I also have taken the Aspie Test on the Home Page of this site, & scored 139. A lot of the unusal symptoms described in the Test for Aspies also describe me!! Yet I have recently spent 8 days in the hospital for 'frayed nerves' (during which I was alcohol free) & was STILL referred to AA!! Is this a Common Situation with Aspies, or do I really have a problem with alcohol??
 
I spent a lot of time in AA, and after clearing away the alcohol and drug addictions I still felt something was different. When I look back on my years before knowing I had aspergers I see that so much of what I did was creating a persona to fit myself in socially. Alcohol and drugs made this easier and at the same time took away all the anxiety. Alcohol and drugs were only my escape, it was not a disease. I believe that under the cover of alcohol and/or drugs there is the cause that turns us toward the use of alcohol or drugs.
You are right when you say that having a drink makes socializing easier. It also helps me when I am stressed or bored. I also will have another glass of wine instead of a fattening dessert.
I usually drink before dinner in the evening & have wine with my dinner, which Iix with club soda. I have never started drinking in the am or gone to work drunk. If I drink more than I should it' s usually because I am bored or stressed, period.
I also have taken the Aspie Test on the Home Page of this site, & scored 139. A lot of the unusal symptoms described in the Test for Aspies also describe me!! Yet I have recently spent 8 days in the hospital for 'frayed nerves' (during which I was alcohol free) & was STILL referred to AA!! Is this a Common Situation with Aspies, or do I really have a problem with alcohol??
In my own experience I was steared into AA because an unknown aspie diagnosis was covered by the addiction. So I can see why aspies diagnosed or undiagnosed can get caught up in an addiction, and then get labeled alcoholics. Alcohol definitely became a problem because I was using it as a solution. AA can help with ridding ourselves of the addiction, but, at a point, I got caught up in the thinking and diagnosis that I was an alcoholic and that was why I drank. After being sober for years I still felt something was not the same as others I was socializing with. In AA, a place full of people who felt different there whole lives, and then find a group of others who are just like them, i could see that I was still different among them. I followed what I felt which led me to aspergers and I knew immediately that I had figured out who I was and why I was like this. A feeling I might never have experienced if I didn't follow my intuition. Almost 15 years of diagnosis of various things from depression, social anxiety disorders, bipolar, alcoholism, and none of them ever felt right or gave me peace. I'm not saying I became a peaceful person because I have aspergers, I'm saying that finding the answer and being accepting of it gave me peace of mind.
 
Thanks for your input. The Therapists I saw during my stay in hospital seemed to think it is either alcoholism or Adult Children of Alcoholics.... I can see where the 2nd might be possible, as my paternal grandfather was probably an alcoholic & my father had the behavior described as that of a ACA, which was passed down to me.
But as you say, many other 'quirks' that I have are very Specifically Asperger! Why is it so hard to get a Diagnosis, or even an Attempt at a diagnosis??
 
It is very hard to get a diagnosis. I am still officially not diagnosed. I have done everything but see the neurologist for the diagnosis. Therapists, autism and aspergers counselors, and every test and assessment I could find all come up with aspergers. I think it's so difficult because we learn how to disguise ourselves as neurotypical. I think we do this so well that only individual symptoms surface at times and doctors can only diagnose that particular symptom. Like depression, anxiety, alcoholism or bipolar. I do think all these individual symptoms fall under the aspergers umbrella. From what I gather, being diagnosed young before we learn how to disguise ourselves, it seems easier to see the whole picture. As we get older the picture obscures as symptoms keep popping up over time.
 
In my own experience I was steared into AA because an unknown aspie diagnosis was covered by the addiction. So I can see why aspies diagnosed or undiagnosed can get caught up in an addiction, and then get labeled alcoholics. Alcohol definitely became a problem because I was using it as a solution. AA can help with ridding ourselves of the addiction, but, at a point, I got caught up in the thinking and diagnosis that I was an alcoholic and that was why I drank. After being sober for years I still felt something was not the same as others I was socializing with. In AA, a place full of people who felt different there whole lives, and then find a group of others who are just like them, i could see that I was still different among them. I followed what I felt which led me to aspergers and I knew immediately that I had figured out who I was and why I was like this. A feeling I might never have experienced if I didn't follow my intuition. Almost 15 years of diagnosis of various things from depression, social anxiety disorders, bipolar, alcoholism, and none of them ever felt right or gave me peace. I'm not saying I became a peaceful person because I have aspergers, I'm saying that finding the answer and being accepting of it gave me peace of mind.

I can really relate to this. I had a drink problem, sobered up in 2008 but have had a few relapses since - the last one in 2013.

When I stopped drinking after 26 years of it, I was shocked to find how poor my social skills were. For a lot of the time I was drinking I would not have said I relied on alcohol to socialise but that was just denial, I obviously did. I never learnt how to socialise without alcohol.

I went to AA but I still always felt different there, I didn't get the companionship that others found and found it hard to get involved. I was always on the edge of it. Although I was definitely an alcoholic, I didn't feel like I belonged.

I left AA for the last time at the beginning of this year when I was diagnosed with Asperger's because, like you, I found a lot of the answers and the peace of mind that eluded me in AA with the Asperger's diagnosis and I wanted to focus on that instead.

The Therapists I saw during my stay in hospital seemed to think it is either alcoholism or Adult Children of Alcoholics.... I can see where the 2nd might be possible, as my paternal grandfather was probably an alcoholic & my father had the behavior described as that of a ACA, which was passed down to me.
But as you say, many other 'quirks' that I have are very Specifically Asperger! Why is it so hard to get a Diagnosis, or even an Attempt at a diagnosis??

I don't think that there's much research into the link between Asperger's and alcohol problems. A lot of information seems to be anecdotal (this is the only book I've found on the subject). When I was diagnosed, the psychatrist questioned if it was Asperger's due to my history of alcohol abuse, but he eventually decided I did have Asperger's. There's a perception that Aspies don't have alcohol problems (and a lot don't but I think there's more of us that do than is currently realised by professionals). I don't know a lot about ACA but could any of those behaviours also be explained by Asperger's? Just asking because although my dad wasn't ACA, I think he did have Asperger's.

I hope you find a way to get a diagnosis. Perhaps in the meantime, finding out more about Asperger's and if it applies to you will help give you some answers.
 
A little off the beaten path but about 6 or 7 years ago I was helping a guy bring guys to the Emergency Room. Most had drunk too much & were alcoholics etc. 100% of them were diagnosed by the E.R. Doctor [read non-psychiatrist] as being Bi-polar.

These patients would then go to a 2nd doctor, say "the ER doctor said I have bipolar, what do you think?" And 100% of the 2nd doctors would ask a few questions and go "yup you have bipolar."
By the time they'd see a psychiatrist the patient would say "2-3 doctors said I have Bipolar what do you think?"

And in 100% of the cases I heard of the psychiatrists would say to the adult patients "oh yes you are bipolar, take 100 tablets daily of ___, 60 tablets of ___ and 3 large nuclear pills of ___. Then call me in the morning..."

My point is Bipolar is the soup du jour. If you have Aspergers you might not be diagnosed because imo there's less money in it for many people including RX's etc. I might be wrong but have noticed a countrywide trend in many children being dxed with Aspergers but not adults?

Ok rant over...
so true! That's exactly what happened to me. It was like the doctors nd therapists were only giving me part of the answer which kept me just foggy enough to keep taking there pills. Once I had the whole answer I was able to stop taking the pills. Now that I have the whole answer those doctors bonus checks might have gotten a little bit smaller.
 
Steph, I think that if you were to read up on AS and even pursue a diagnosis you will realise that you are not alone, and you are the way you are because your brain works in a different way, not because you're a bad person or because there's something wrong with you. Then you can begin to heal the wounds and start to feel better about yourself and be yourself more around other people and not worry so much about your social performance. Then you might find that you don't need to drink to be social so much... I know it isn't always so easy or straighforward, it's easy to say things in theory - but anyway, just a few thoughts on the subject.
 
i have an alcohol problem. over the years i've reflected a lot on why i need alcohol so much more than others, and i've determined its because its one of the only things that enables me to enjoy being around large groups of people. i'm not shy, but i find it incredibly tiring to carry on regular conversations sober with people i don't know well. i'm never really sure when its my turn to speak. i also don't see the point in small talk, or talking to people about things that don't interest me. people often think i'm cold, mean, or don't like them because i don't talk to them. but its usually just because i have nothing to say. i also don't know how to approach people and start a conversation in a fluid, natural way. when i'm drunk i feel like all of these things are easier.

examining these issues lead me to asperger's. i've never been diagnosed with anything, but i think i have a lot of asperger traits. a few:
-i get immersed in things far more than the average person. as a child i was obsessed with fantasy novels, computers, and drawing horses. at 10/11 i had around a dozen websites. i am still very fascinated by computer programming and software, and i program for fun. often i don't get really obsessed with one particular thing, but i will spend hours, days, or weeks reading information about random things others don't care about. i'm actually known for my tendency to know (and blurt out) random useless facts.
-as a kid my teachers suspected i was hearing impaired because i would completely ignore them. i even had to get sent to a specialist, who tested me and determined my hearing was actually much better than average. after that teachers just thought i was daydreamy. despite this apparent lack of attention, i did exceptionally well in every subject.
-as a kid i had very strict eating routines. for awhile there were only 6 or so meals i would eat. i was also very fussy with my clothing, and would throw tantrums if things didn't fit "right."
-i put a heavy emphasis on what is logical and almost completely ignore emotional aspects to problems. i've been called "robotic" because of this. i don't understand why anyone makes decisions based on their feelings, which i find unreliable and usually irrelevant.
-i'm very inclined towards towards science, math and technology (i have a bachelors in math). not sure if this is specifically asperger-y, but it seems common.
-i have very low empathy. seeing my loved ones cry doesn't upset me, and its always confused me when people say things like "i'm so excited for you!" (until recently i was under the impression this was only a figure of speech). if i try to imagine myself going through what they are going through, i can imagine how i'd feel, but i don't feel for them. i do still care, though. i don't want people to be sad or hurt, and i do try to cheer them up when they are, i just simply can't get emotionally invested in their problems.
-i think because of the empathy thing^ others often view me as selfish or cold. i don't think i'm either. i think of others and have good intentions, i just don't reach out to people when i should. random gestures of kindness seem very unnatural.
-i'm terrible at vocalizing my feelings. even saying stuff like "i really appreciate you listening" seems terribly awkward to me. however, i can usually articulate my feelings relatively well in writing.
-i have a very good memory for facts, but a terrible one for faces. if i haven't seen a person in a couple years i can hardly recognize them. i realize they're from somewhere but can't quite recall where.
-as a kid i was put into speech therapy because i spoke strangely, apparently i sounded like i had a weird accent. i speak normally now, but monotonously with little inflection (or so others tell me).

what do you guys think? i identify with a lot of aspergers but i also feel like someone would have noticed if i really was on the spectrum. generally people just think i'm weird, nerdy, or a girl exhibiting "typical masculine" characteristics. does anyone else relate?
 

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