Alcoholism/undiagnosed aspergers.

[GhostWriter]

Well, like you I find it tiring being around large groups of people, be they just acquaintances, friends or family. And when I have to endure this situation for more than maybe 2 hours & can't retreat, I tend to drink more than my usual 2 cocktails & 2 glasses of wine mixed with club soda.
BUT I have never started drinking first thing in the morning, never gone to work drunk or had Any employment problems related to alcohol. I spent 8 nights in the hospital recently with NO alcohol whatsoever & suffered no 'withdrawal symptoms'. I enjoy a cocktail as a prerequisite to Dinner, & wine as a compliment to a good meal. The only time I overindulge is when I am stressed & can't retreat & be myself without offending.
My mother & father were not alcoholics, but my paternal grandfather WAS. The behaviors cited as those of ACA fit with my Dad, who was over- controlling, critical, manipulative, impatient & verbally abusive. I can see that he probably developed at least some of these traits as a way of handling an unstable situation at home, revolving around his father' s drinking.
And being the Firstborn, I picked up a very healthy dose of that behavior without even realizing it! I guess I also found ways of my own to deal with him, like avoiding him as much as possible, giving only very short answers to questions, keeping my 'thoughts' & ideas to myself & trying pretty much to make him love me.. Even failing at things because he had said I would. And there was NO CHANCE of winning an argument with him- he would beat you verbally into the dust!
But then there were the Other behavioral Oddities- always feeling/ being the Odd man out, having no friends except imaginary ones, a 'strange' sense of humor, not understanding WHY dolls were so attractive to little girls & babies to big girls when I preferred building houses for dolls or playing with toy trucks, that actually DID what the real ones did even though they were miniatures. (Unlike dolls, that Did Not!). Also, VERY sensitive to Loud Disagreeable noises, good memory for details, patterns, lyrics & music. Kind of klutzy, with a bad habit of picking at my fingers. Most of all I seem to NEED a lot of Down Time to cope with Life & deal with Not being able to be my real self most of the time.

 

[Sarsaparilla]

Hi Ghostwriter

Well, like you I find it tiring being around large groups of people, be they just acquaintances, friends or family. And when I have to endure this situation for more than maybe 2 hours & can't retreat, I tend to drink more than my usual 2 cocktails & 2 glasses of wine mixed with club soda.
BUT I have never started drinking first thing in the morning, never gone to work drunk or had Any employment problems related to alcohol. I spent 8 nights in the hospital recently with NO alcohol whatsoever & suffered no 'withdrawal symptoms'. I enjoy a cocktail as a prerequisite to Dinner, & wine as a compliment to a good meal. The only time I overindulge is when I am stressed & can't retreat & be myself without offending.
My mother & father were not alcoholics, but my paternal grandfather WAS. The behaviors cited as those of ACA fit with my Dad, who was over- controlling, critical, manipulative, impatient & verbally abusive. I can see that he probably developed at least some of these traits as a way of handling an unstable situation at home, revolving around his father' s drinking.
And being the Firstborn, I picked up a very healthy dose of that behavior without even realizing it! I guess I also found ways of my own to deal with him, like avoiding him as much as possible, giving only very short answers to questions, keeping my 'thoughts' & ideas to myself & trying pretty much to make him love me.. Even failing at things because he had said I would. And there was NO CHANCE of winning an argument with him- he would beat you verbally into the dust!
But then there were the Other behavioral Oddities- always feeling/ being the Odd man out, having no friends except imaginary ones, a 'strange' sense of humor, not understanding WHY dolls were so attractive to little girls & babies to big girls when I preferred building houses for dolls or playing with toy trucks, that actually DID what the real ones did even though they were miniatures. (Unlike dolls, that Did Not!). Also, VERY sensitive to Loud Disagreeable noises, good memory for details, patterns, lyrics & music. Kind of klutzy, with a bad habit of picking at my fingers. Most of all I seem to NEED a lot of Down Time to cope with Life & deal with Not being able to be my real self most of the time.

It definitely sounds like you have some Aspie traits - have you taken any of the online tests? It also sounds like your home life when you were young was difficult. Could your dad have had Asperger's too?

I only found out that I was Aspie when I stopped drinking. My experience was that I used drinking to hide my Aspie traits, I was surprised when I stopped how bad my social skills were how much I had relied on being able to drink to deal with any social situation and to relax.

One suggestion may be to stop drinking at all for a few months, then it may be clearer what your issues are - whether it's ACA or Asperger's or both. I'm not saying give it up for ever, that's for you to decide, but if you're drinking daily it will be having an effect, it's a depressant and it may be masking your Asperger's and making it harder to identify the correct diagnosis. If you can't stop drinking for a while, that tells you something too. I hope this doesn't sound judgemental, I don't mean it to - I had a really hard time stopping drinking and any suggestion that I stop would send me straight to the off licence or the pub to buy booze, so I know it's not as easy as all that. I'm glad I stopped now though because I found out that I have Asperger's which is helping me to understand myself and I'm able to be my real self more than I ever was when I was drinking.

 

[JennieK]

I can relate. I've just joined after realizing I have most of the traits. I'm also twenty-one months sober. I drank for about fifteen years, and I'm beginning to think it covered up some of the symptoms or traits and helped me deal with the social aspect and the sensory overload. Now that I'm sober, the traits are more obvious and it's led me to read about Aspergers. I can absolutely see how someone (especially high functioning, intelligent) with Aspergers would develop an alcohol addiction. I was a binger, not daily.

 

[Sarsaparilla]

Hi, welcome and congratulations on your sobriety I've been sober for 19 months. When I was drinking, I looked into Asperger's but I dismissed it as I didn't think I fitted the criteria. I had no idea that I was using drink to cope. I was a binge drinker for a lot of my life, but ended up drinking daily. I hope that knowing about my Asperger's will help me stay sober.

 

[JennieK]

Sarsaparilla, congrats on your 19 months!

 

[mahmoud]

Hey steph, i know its been very long since you posted this, just wanted to say "thats excatly how i would describe myself, without the horses thing and idont really consider my drinking a problem since it never caused me any".

 

[Suzanne McD]

I am definitely late to the party (in so many ways). Just a quick shout out to thank you for your book recommendation. About ten days ago, I became aware of high-functioning adult women with undiagnosed autism. Although had seven years sober, social problems arose during that (wonderful and difficult time). Was given medication for situational depression and that triggered me to drink again. Have been struggling to get sober since. As soon as I recognized myself as undiagnosed high-functioning (a relative term) adult on the spectrum, I completely grasped the root of my problem with alcohol. Honestly, I have read SO many books, articles, ways to sobriety but just ordered the book because I am willing. To read one more book if it will help me, and by extension, others to heal and live a good life. No matter what age.
Thanks again.

I can really relate to this. I had a drink problem, sobered up in 2008 but have had a few relapses since - the last one in 2013.

When I stopped drinking after 26 years of it, I was shocked to find how poor my social skills were. For a lot of the time I was drinking I would not have said I relied on alcohol to socialise but that was just denial, I obviously did. I never learnt how to socialise without alcohol.

I went to AA but I still always felt different there, I didn't get the companionship that others found and found it hard to get involved. I was always on the edge of it. Although I was definitely an alcoholic, I didn't feel like I belonged.

I left AA for the last time at the beginning of this year when I was diagnosed with Asperger's because, like you, I found a lot of the answers and the peace of mind that eluded me in AA with the Asperger's diagnosis and I wanted to focus on that instead.



I don't think that there's much research into the link between Asperger's and alcohol problems. A lot of information seems to be anecdotal (this is the only book I've found on the subject). When I was diagnosed, the psychatrist questioned if it was Asperger's due to my history of alcohol abuse, but he eventually decided I did have Asperger's. There's a perception that Aspies don't have alcohol problems (and a lot don't but I think there's more of us that do than is currently realised by professionals). I don't know a lot about ACA but could any of those behaviours also be explained by Asperger's? Just asking because although my dad wasn't ACA, I think he did have Asperger's.

I hope you find a way to get a diagnosis. Perhaps in the meantime, finding out more about Asperger's and if it applies to you will help give you some answers.

 

[trishwriter]

You are right when you say that having a drink makes socializing easier. It also helps me when I am stressed or bored. I also will have another glass of wine instead of a fattening dessert.
I usually drink before dinner in the evening & have wine with my dinner, which Iix with club soda. I have never started drinking in the am or gone to work drunk. If I drink more than I should it' s usually because I am bored or stressed, period.
I also have taken the Aspie Test on the Home Page of this site, & scored 139. A lot of the unusal symptoms described in the Test for Aspies also describe me!! Yet I have recently spent 8 days in the hospital for 'frayed nerves' (during which I was alcohol free) & was STILL referred to AA!! Is this a Common Situation with Aspies, or do I really have a problem with alcohol??

Do I have a problem with alcohol? I can answer yes to that now, but I didn't used to realize that there was a problem, even when a therapist once gave me one of those "Are You An Alcoholic?" sheets, after I told her I blacked out and didn't remember driving home. Do you drink when you don't want or plan to? I certainly did. I've been sober for over 4 1/2 years and I am thankful for every sober day. I don't feel as though a 12-step-program addresses all my concerns, but it certainly addresses the concerns I have about taking another drink and the possible consequences thereof. It's awesome that you're asking the question, whatever the answer turns out to be.

 

[Joon87]

I was only diagnosed June 2017, but I relate so much! Eating has always been an issue, but in another way, I have a phobia of hearing people eat, or myself. I also overthink what I am doing and if I am eating correctly.
Also, empathy, I struggle at times in a similar way. I care a lot if I offend a person, for instance... but struggle to be sad when someone else is, or any emotion another person feels.. until I reflect. I then feel terrible that my reaction isn't natural..and I have to think in order to relate. Then I do, and end up feeling that emotion way too much. I also tend to feel sad by negative comments aimed at me, and I also feel sad if I witness people being mean to others...I feel protective.
Speaking for myself though, it just isn't always an instant process and I sometimes don't relate well I hope this makes sense.

I should have added, I also have had some issues with over drinking. I still drink. but its not daily anymore as it was when working. Also, if I knew I had to socialize, I'd have to drink. Even getting ready would stress the hell out of me, and still does, so I'd have a drink to calm me.