Aknowleging Autism

[MikeMarkCA]

is there a point autistic kids realize or are told they have a condition. Do they realize their own limitations, and why they are limited, or will they always resent you for not allowing them the freedoms, or imposing all the restrictions you impose on them, that are not imposed on other children?

 

[Pats]

I didn't know I had autism until a couple years ago - I'm 61. I do remember my childhood and I remember thinking that everyone had a hard time with the same things and at some point started wondering why they seemed to be able to deal with it easier than I seemed to. And looking back - I should have had more restrictions - but in those days, we were pretty much set free - just as long as we were out of the house. I was the youngest and given more freedoms earlier than my siblings - I didn't ask for it and that was definitely the wrong thing for my parents to have done. (but they didn't know either - autism wasn't a thing people were aware of back then).

 

[Pats]

Actually, if it were me on your end - I'd try to keep them talking to me and opening up to me and thereby giving you an idea where they are as they mature. How old is your grandson?

 

[Tom]

is there a point autistic kids realize or are told they have a condition. Do they realize their own limitations, and why they are limited, or will they always resent you for not allowing them the freedoms, or imposing all the restrictions you impose on them, that are not imposed on other children?

Varies too greatly to answer.

 

[Judge]

Perhaps what is more important to understand is that there are no guarantees that everyone who actually is on the spectrum will ever be told as such, let alone figure it out on their own.

I happened to learn of my own autism almost be accident, in my mid fifties. Saw a television program about someone who had this condition called "Asperger's Syndrome". Though for me it wasn't a smooth or linear process of discovery. However my stubbornness and logic prevailed to the point where I could no longer deny who and what I am.

As for perceived "limitations", I think that's relative to the individual in question. There are any number of us unaccounted for, living independently despite whatever struggles we may have.

Best to keep in mind that autistic traits and behaviors vary tremendously from one person to another, as well as the amplitude of the traits and behaviors they may have.

 

[Fino]

I've spoken to two people with autism about this. One was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was four, has not been told (so I guess I meant spoke to the parents), and he's eight now, and another was diagnosed, and told immediately, when he was three and remembers having no clue what that meant.

I was diagnosed when I was fourteen, so of course I was told.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

is there a point autistic kids realize or are told they have a condition. Do they realize their own limitations, and why they are limited, or will they always resent you for not allowing them the freedoms, or imposing all the restrictions you impose on them, that are not imposed on other children?

It depends on the child. If you explain that autism is why they have their limitations, they may hate it, but if you also explain that it is a part of who they are and the good qualities would benefit them, then they may turn to be okay with it. For people like me, it comes off able an explanation for their whole life. I used to think I was defective or just stupid until I found out that I could have autism. But I also learned that autism is why I have my obsessions and ambitions as well as my loyalty, organization skills (OCD), and inability to give up on a challenge.

 

[Peter Morrison]

Like most of us who are older and were not aware of Aspergers, life was a collection of questions and some frustrations. I would have loved an explanation, but I'm not sure I would have been able to understand it. After a lifetime of examples, I have a pile of stories where my tendencies played out. I think of them like potholes in a road. You can't get rid of the potholes, but you would benefit from knowing about them and where they might be. Imagine teaching a child how to walk, run, and jump expecting they will never teeter or fall. The individual must test themselves in the world. Only then does the learning have meaning.

I believe that it takes a mature mind to put what is known about Autism into perspective if you are personally dealing with a condition that seems to trick or alter your brain functions without you even knowing. It's hard to grasp. Symptoms vary, and the methods to address those symptoms are treated differently.

There is nothing wrong with knowing you are on the spectrum. Awareness is the first step toward addressing issues that often get brushed aside. A kid needs to understand that there is nothing wrong with being the way they are. All kids need mentors and quality supervision growing up. ASD kids might just need some extra consideration and attention to achieve the same goals. Expectations should always remain high.

 

[MikeMarkCA]

Actually, if it were me on your end - I'd try to keep them talking to me and opening up to me and thereby giving you an idea where they are as they mature. How old is your grandson?

He is seven, he has three boy cousins the same age, so when the three of them are together, it is real easy for me to see the stark differences in maturity and ability to retain directions. I can have meaningful exchange with the other boys, where my grandson..well it is not apparent he retains what I try to show him. As an example if you try to show the other three how an object works, they listen intently and watch, where my grandson will be more occupied trying to take the object out of your hands.

 

[Fino]

He is seven, he has three boy cousins the same age, so when the three of them are together, it is real easy for me to see the stark differences in maturity and ability to retain directions. I can have meaningful exchange with the other boys, where my grandson..well it is not apparent he retains what I try to show him. As an example if you try to show the other three how an object works, they listen intently and watch, where my grandson will be more occupied trying to take the object out of your hands.

Does he like to hold things or have something to hold? I've always been more comfortable carrying something with me most places, a stuffed animal as a kid, and I carry my friend's things for them just to be carrying something.

Or maybe he feels he has to touch it in order to understand it.

 

[MikeMarkCA]

Have not noticed. If I pick something up like a directional compass, I tried to show all four boys how it worked, the three boys looked on curiously, my grandson just kept trying to take it from me.

 

[Shamar]

is there a point autistic kids realize or are told they have a condition. Do they realize their own limitations, and why they are limited, or will they always resent you for not allowing them the freedoms, or imposing all the restrictions you impose on them, that are not imposed on other children?

Obviously, I can't say anything about other's experiences, but I can say I knew from an early age (6 or 7, maybe earlier) that I was different. I had no idea what that difference was, but I knew everyone else seemed to understand and do things that went right by me. They all seemed to understand what others were saying while I constantly misunderstood. They were able to make friends, while I still have never had a friend. On the other hand, I grasped some concepts that went right by them. I could not understand why we were required to get a book from the school library every two weeks, when I had had read all the books worth reading by the end on 2nd grade, and there was no content in any of the books left (I was reading books from my parents shelve by this time). I could not understand how any of my classmates found any of it interesting.

It was all a confusing mess, and there was nobody to turn to. This had a large part in making me suicidal by age 9.

 

[MikeMarkCA]

Obviously, I can't say anything about other's experiences, but I can say I knew from an early age (6 or 7, maybe earlier) that I was different. I had no idea what that difference was, but I knew everyone else seemed to understand and do things that went right by me. They all seemed to understand what others were saying while I constantly misunderstood. They were able to make friends, while I still have never had a friend. On the other hand, I grasped some concepts that went right by them. I could not understand why we were required to get a book from the school library every two weeks, when I had had read all the books worth reading by the end on 2nd grade, and there was no content in any of the books left (I was reading books from my parents shelve by this time). I could not understand how any of my classmates found any of it interesting.

It was all a confusing mess, and there was nobody to turn to. This had a large part in making me suicidal by age 9.

Obviously, I can't say anything about other's experiences, but I can say I knew from an early age (6 or 7, maybe earlier) that I was different. I had no idea what that difference was, but I knew everyone else seemed to understand and do things that went right by me. They all seemed to understand what others were saying while I constantly misunderstood. They were able to make friends, while I still have never had a friend. On the other hand, I grasped some concepts that went right by them. I could not understand why we were required to get a book from the school library every two weeks, when I had had read all the books worth reading by the end on 2nd grade, and there was no content in any of the books left (I was reading books from my parents shelve by this time). I could not understand how any of my classmates found any of it interesting.

It was all a confusing mess, and there was nobody to turn to. This had a large part in making me suicidal by age 9.

Were you diagnosed at that time, were your parents aware you were autistic?
I’m curious if most parents of autistic children try to explain autism to their autistic kids, how this is done, and if it resonated?

 

[Fino]

Were you diagnosed at that time, were your parents aware you were autistic?
I’m curious if most parents of autistic children try to explain autism to their autistic kids, how this is done, and if it resonated?

When my therapist told my parents, they basically said "not-uh," to that and many other things. "Nope! Not true!"

I know you mean in the cases of children being diagnosed, but it makes me wonder if a lot of parents just deny it or if my case is unusual.

 

[MikeMarkCA]

When my therapist told my parents, they basically said "not-uh," to that and many other things. "Nope! Not true!"

I know you mean in the cases of children being diagnosed, but it makes me wonder if a lot of parents just deny it or if my case is unusual.

Ya, I don’t know, however I think if parents had you in therapy, it must of been because they knew you were struggling for some reason. Seems at that point it would be illogical if them to then go into denial.
I am 59, not until I was about 58 did I start reading about ADS, and was able to confirm what I suspected. The clincher for me was watching my daughter sitting at the kitchen table trying to do homework, I recognized in her, myself as a child.
After she graduated high school she entered collage, is was only then was she diagnosed. I’ll never forget her excitement the first time she tried Ritalin, she said “Dad, it’s a whole new world, I can zero in right on the professor, take in what he is actually saying, I can’t believe the difference”.

 

[Fino]

Ya, I don’t know, however I think if parents had you in therapy, it must of been because they knew you were struggling for some reason. Seems at that point it would be illogical if them to then go into denial.
I am 59, not until I was about 58 did I start reading about ADS, and was able to confirm what I suspected. The clincher for me was watching my daughter sitting at the kitchen table trying to do homework, I recognized in her, myself as a child.
After she graduated high school she entered collage, is was only then was she diagnosed. I’ll never forget her excitement the first time she tried Ritalin, she said “Dad, it’s a whole new world, I can zero in right on the professor, take in what he is actually saying, I can’t believe the difference”.

That's a logical point based on the available information, but I was in therapy for two years without their knowledge. It's a long story, irrelevant to this..but I can relate to what your daughter said! That's how I felt when I started Adderall! I'm happy for her!

 

[Ylva]

Were you diagnosed at that time, were your parents aware you were autistic?
I’m curious if most parents of autistic children try to explain autism to their autistic kids, how this is done, and if it resonated?

What autistic kids need explained to them is neurotypicals. NT culture, NT thinking. That's what's confusing. Why do they do the things they do and say the things they say? It's hard for an autistic child to figure out that it's usually about social power. It's almost as hard to firgure out that it's not always about connecting, for those of us who figured out that it sometimes is about connection in the first place – that part is probably taught regardless of neurotype, though.

I spent my first ten or so years on the planet thoroughly confused and escaping into fiction. Ironically enough, fiction actually helps explain a lot of stuff about NTs, but it is often metaphorical or implied and that can be tricky to figure out as well. You don't know how lucky you are to have a brain that just knows somehow.

Granted, it might be a bad idea to tell all this directly to a seven-year-old. (But I don't know him, so what do I know?) You could perhaps tell him in metaphors, but in small bites, and ask him what he thinks it means… or some other version of the Socratic method. I don't know, I've never taught a child.

For the record, I think he tries to take the compass from you so he can study it. It might seem a bit abstract over in your hand.

 

[dragstone]

is there a point autistic kids realize or are told they have a condition. Do they realize their own limitations, and why they are limited, or will they always resent you for not allowing them the freedoms, or imposing all the restrictions you impose on them, that are not imposed on other children?

I was aware that something was different sometime between 10-13. Autism didn't occur to me though and back then the high-functioning type wasn't as well known. As I approached adulthood, I just somehow knew things were going to be difficult. The limitations became very apparent at that time. Nearing the end of my teens and throughout my 20s, I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. It's not until more recently that I was diagnosed with ASD.

I resent my parents for reasons other than imposed restrictions. They didn't impose any particular rules or anything. I did well in school and I spent most of my time to myself, so I was mostly out of sight/mind. They probably assumed that I'd do just fine. What I resent is the poor treatment I received when I was having a really hard time in my mid-late 20s. That and some teasing/bullying when I was younger.

 

[Shamar]

Were you diagnosed at that time, were your parents aware you were autistic?
I’m curious if most parents of autistic children try to explain autism to their autistic kids, how this is done, and if it resonated?

Actually, I was diagnosed at age 60. After about a dozen psychologists, psychiatrists, mental health counselors and therapists failed to notice, my autism was recognizes by a job service counselor who set up an evaluation.

My father had the "discipline, suffering, dealing with your own problems, and coldness are what makes a real man" philosophy. My mother could out pollyanna Pollyanna.

 

[zurb]

Am I the only one totally confused by the OP. What specific limitations are being referred to? Being socially or physically awkward? Being ostracized by society or even family? Most are all too aware of it! In other areas its not uncommon to be less limited than an NT. Look for the positives and skills.
And why would you impose different rules on someone just because they’re not NT? I’ve never understood double standards, and I guess I never will!