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AprilR

AprilR

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  • AprilR
    My only friend might also like my crush. I can already see where this i going lol.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Hopefully i am wrong as it would be very awkward since she was the one who introduced us and tried to play matchmaker
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Oh dear. That's bizarre. What a twist.
    AprilR
    Is it crush anxiety i am feeling or regular social anxiety? I dont even know
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I want to see my therapist as soon as possible
    Gerald Wilgus
    Gerald Wilgus
    Do you get to choose what anxiety you want?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I would prefer if its crush anxiety haha
    AprilR
    Going on a date on the year 2023 as an autistic woman in a third world country..
    View previous comments…
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Don't forget to have fun. Laugh, giggle, and tell stupid jokes. Lol
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I had a good time, he seems like a cute person. I dont see myself having a relationship with anyone though and it is making me confused
    Gerald Wilgus
    Gerald Wilgus
    You may not see yourself in a relationship, but I think your limbic brain (reptilian - the seat of emotions) is saying to you . . . "Gee, that was nice." I hope he follows up.
    AprilR
    Dating is hard when you have no idea what someone else is thinking
    View previous comments…
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Maybe just take it one step at a time and don’t run away just yet. I don’t really know… I’m not good at relationships. I just thought it might be worth a try to see where this goes.
    oregano
    oregano
    I agree with you, @AprilR. I don't like it when people recognize me. I don't want to have any relationships of most any kind because they quickly end badly. Not to mention the threat of physical harm when they do. I don't know anybody where I live, and I like it that way.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I pray to God that people dont harm me physically. I am emotionally damaged as it is
    AprilR
    I had a fight with my only friend. I am not feeling good. Yesterday we went drinking with a couple of guys and they forced me to go to another club and later TO ANOTHER CITY except i said no like a rational person.
    View previous comments…
    Gerald Wilgus
    Gerald Wilgus
    Have you tried groups that align with your interests? I made progress to break out of my isolation when I got involved with Sierra Club outings. The people were welcoming and not concerned with my neurology. I really learned how to be social and mistakes were forgiven. I have friends from that for 40 years and also met my future spouse.
    Gerald Wilgus
    Gerald Wilgus
    @AprilR I like that you have a good sense of self and can advocate for yourself. Those are excellent characteristics in having a good internal compass. I like that!
    Trophonius
    Trophonius
    It's crazy to do that, unless you're a teenager and probably on drugs.
    AprilR
    Came home from a meeting with new friends. I was too anxious to talk to them and did not have anything to say. I feel so worthless. I am crying right now.
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thank you so much guys.
    The people i met were" live fast die young" types also which i could not relate at all.
    Gerald Wilgus
    Gerald Wilgus
    @AprilR I was living for the long game so I could never understand the live fast crowd who have the attention span of fleas. Yet, I was envious of their social experiences.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thinking it over, i understood i felt really uncomfortable around them, as i posted in my new status
    AprilR
    Update on the job situation: My employer still did not hire anyone new and thinks the workload is not much. My coworker whom i started to share the workload with said she might quit.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Well at least i have understood its not all in my head. My coworker thinks the same way as me
    Judge
    Judge
    That was the last straw between me and the corporation I sweated blood over for nearly 20 years. They laid off half the department and expected the remaining workers to pick up all the slack.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Ugh this sounds too familiar.. I thought that i was just incapable and not fast enough but my coworker agrees with me. It made me feel like there really is a problem, it is not just in my head
    AprilR
    Burning some scented candles and having hibiscus tea~ feeling some kind of autumn-y
    elgat0verde
    elgat0verde
    Hibiscus is so good dude! You can enjoy it cold too! It's one of my favorite flavors of "Aguas frescas"
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I never had that but it sounds delicious! I love all kinds of herbal teas, bubble tea, iced tea and the like also!
    elgat0verde
    elgat0verde
    That's so cool dude! I am learning to appreciate tea more! So far I've loved green tea, lemongrass tea and spearmint tea oh and this cherry tea was pretty legit good
    AprilR
    Random fact about me: I like the Earthsea books, but i did not like The Tombs of Atuan. I wish Tenar would have stayed as Arha
    AprilR
    AprilR
    A priestess drawing forth power from old evil gods is more interesting to me than a story about freedom through love or whatever
    AprilR
    I had a wonderful dream, i regretted having waken up.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I miss being in love, no i miss being in love with one specific person
    AprilR
    Recently a coworker said she worried about me when my mom had surgery, about whether i had someone i can rely on. She prob. understood i did not have many friends. She often asks me "do you wish you had siblings?" bc to her being an only child is weird.
    AprilR
    I feel very alone. I really wish i lived in another country rn because there is no help for autistic people where i live, no autism support groups, no group homes, no accomodations no Nothing. I feel like i dont even exist sometimes
    AprilR
    AprilR
    And like, i feel like i have no right to pretend to be nt when i am not. I dont want potential boyfriends to know i am autistic, bc they prob. Dont even know what that is, and why i dont want children, and why i dont have any friends. Why i cant do anything properly.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Is work getting to you? You sound more down than usual. I know work office affects you.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It def. affects me a lot. But its not only that. Losing a 15 years friendship, bad relationship with family members etc.
    AprilR
    Reading about Laika made me tear up. I have so much empathy for animals
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Ugh, that's one of those stories I have to block out and never think about. Terrible. Warning: if someone doesn't know who Laika was, don't google it. Just forget it, you don't want to know.
    AprilR
    Managed to eat dinner, do laundry and the dishes. Also started on my report due tomorrow. I can decide to quit my job anytime, this thought relaxed me
    AprilR
    I have 3 legal drafts waiting to be written due monday, and i have to put in laundry. All i want to do is sleep and quit work when Monday comes.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Hey, are you a paralegal?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am an attorney.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    So sorry. You are so down to earth. My bosses were attorneys. My last paralegal job, my boss is now a judge. There is a lot of office politics in law offices. I was surprised at the amount of office politics.
    AprilR
    I don't want one more day of work.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    The job did nothing for socialization. No one at work likes me
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Sorry. It's something we struggle with on the spectrum. A lot don't understand us. I have people constantly assuming incorrect things about me. Now l don't care.
    AprilR
    I am extremely over worked and feel like a slave.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Meanwhile everyone talking about so and so's wedding. God what a relaxed life!
    Judge
    Judge
    Sounds like you should be formulating an exit plan. Nothing worse than showing up for a job you dislike over great period of time. Been there, done that and burned the t-shirt.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thank you, i cant quit rn bc my employer fired my only coworker. The job also helps me feel productive and worthy
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