Before I entered recovery from drinking, I was a magnet for narcissists and predators. I guess I should stop hating myself over that since I will refuse to let people treat me like that today. I once was weak, and in many ways, I still am.
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I wish I had a pill to end the pain.
I should have been an abortion.
If my blood was shed today, I would be forgotten within a month.
I want to go silently and softly into the eternal night.
I am not actively wanting to die, but I would not mind if I never woke up again.
I wish I could fall asleep and stay asleep for a very long while. I wish I could self induce a coma. The world sucks. I want a vacation from living.
It’s only a Dad joke when the punch line is apparent.
I just made a platter of tater tots. Tater tots are love. Tater tots are life. I dip them in organic ketchup.
Depression is a damn beast, I shall do my best to conquer it.
I hate life.
I feel like using the most profane words imaginable to express my desire to disown my blood family.
I wish I had a solid reason to live.
I wish I had a reason to exist on weekends.
Michael Abels’ score for Jordan Peele’s Us is one of the best original film scores I have ever heard.
Making teriyaki chicken and veggie stir fry for dinner tonight. With brown rice and Sriracha.
I am looking forward to my 3 day weekend. Movies, games, a trip to the farmer's market, a planned order of wings and veggie sticks, self care for three days.
Ironic how I have more energy after I limit my caffeine consumption to two cups of coffee in the morning every day. This experiment means no more crash in the mid day.
After a talk with my therapist and a couple of meetings with good friends, I am feeling better now. I should keep turning to my chosen family instead of trying to win over the blood family.
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