I am a Self-tormenter. Inflicting punishments on myself. Believing I don't deserve anything, because I will not allow myself to get over my own upbringing. I feel like the only thing I am obligated to is beratement and punishment for being who I am.
Though the worst punishment I have done to myself, is the denial of the only thing that brings enjoyment or any happiness. Videogames. I have most likely brought it up before, but I have cut myself off from gaming... mostly. I have some nights that I hook it up. But I end trying to avoid the urges alot. I recognize it as escapism to play. But I am being to wonder if my behaviors in being obstinate to do much else, stem from not allowing myself to game. That my frequent overwhelm and stress is because I am ignoring my desire to game.
It makes me wonder if that is why I couldn't care about anything else. Because I deny myself gaming. It's pathetic honestly. That videogaming has the hold it does on me.
Though the worst punishment I have done to myself, is the denial of the only thing that brings enjoyment or any happiness. Videogames. I have most likely brought it up before, but I have cut myself off from gaming... mostly. I have some nights that I hook it up. But I end trying to avoid the urges alot. I recognize it as escapism to play. But I am being to wonder if my behaviors in being obstinate to do much else, stem from not allowing myself to game. That my frequent overwhelm and stress is because I am ignoring my desire to game.
It makes me wonder if that is why I couldn't care about anything else. Because I deny myself gaming. It's pathetic honestly. That videogaming has the hold it does on me.
