RE: OCD or "nO oNE CaReS AbouT yOuR dISorDer i tYpe hOW I waNt"

Lies are intentional. Ergo, misspeaking, because your tongue got knotted up and the words came out sideways, is a risk we all run. Also happens if typing in a fury when thoughts are boiling out of your head, and you say something you don't mean. Untangling that is harder because "most people" don't know that's even possible, so recanting is effortful.

Just read slide 3 of the pdf. Oh &#*!, I do that. It had a name?

I hate it when it bubbles out, as it does, rarely...gotten better as I've <strikeout>aged</strikeout> matured. Especially since what bubbles out is sometimes what I <i>really</i> think, which is not always the same as being honest.

Just read slide 3 of the pdf. Oh &#*!, I do that. It had a name?

Click to expand...

Well, yeah.
My main OCD stuff is Pure O. I tend to have, I suppose "guest appearances" by other manifestations of OCD, but Pure O is the main star.

When it describes how many people with Pure O have difficulty talking about the subject of their Pure O- I get that too. I can talk about my fear of lying to give an example, because it is like the surface of what is going on. The easiest fear to talk about, the easiest way to talk about it- is to say I am afraid I might lie.

That is not the actual fear. Even if I said it was the fear of being dishonest- that is not exactly the fear. And really that's not the only "theme" going on. But being the manifestation of wronging wrongness and perpetuating all the wrong that has ever wronged every wrong in all possible wrong corner of each wrong area of the wrong wrong-i-verse and never ever possibly being able to accomplish the opposite of all that wrong-to-the-power-of-wrong, even if I knew how that opposite

I wrote up there OCD monsters. But that was wrong. it's really OCD mogwai or gremlins. I came up with the idea a short time ago and wrote about it, actually here.

I bring it up now because I've been trying to manage off and on by tackling my room. My room that has literally not been clean for over a year because of being kinda sick. Even while responding right above^^^ and being all in a crummy mood, being all waa waa tragic me... I was on a break from cleaning my mood.

I was trying to redirect the mogwai-turned-gremlins and make them attack my room.
It kind of helped. They are a bit less overwhelming for right now.

Winston Churchill had a Black Dog.
I have Mogwai that turn to Gremlins [and back again].

What of it?

Laughed out loud at the wrong-i-verse, because that part I do get. And that is one of your gifts. Embracing the ridiculous in the midst of the electrical storm in your head is the best way to deal with it; as I've written in my own blog, taking it seriously until I can cartoon it is my way, and it's less pleasant and less interesting to others.

Winston Churchill did indeed have a Black Dog. Kafka had mice. Mogwai and gremlins that can take their chaos and make your room a better habitat are very unusual mogwai. You have some chops at inspirational and leadership skills to pull that off.

EDIT: Also chops for ruthlessly specifying exactly what you're afraid of. Taking off fear's window dressing to show the window ain't easy. Honesty is ruthless.

Screaming, and even whining, must, I think, relieve some stress, much like tears do. I think of whining as the little kid in my head looking for Mom again because she can't find her in my head. It's the step before my own implacable basalt monster rears out of the Swamp of Pity and stands up, silent, dark, dripping with smelly gook and unmentionable horrors, and starts bending things to its will, and even my emotional parasites realize that they don't live if the host doesn't.

Screaming, and even whining, must, I think, relieve some stress, much like tears do.

Click to expand...

YES.
About that?

There's actually a kind of temporary pain killing and endorphin releasing effect that one gets from a good cry. Um, or three or four [or more?] good cries. ha.

No. Really.
So, when I am feeling like I am at the bottom of the bottomless pit? I get to a point where I just have no shame, my roommates have to deal with it, I just kind of cry all the time and stop pretending it's like, "not ok".

They can feel uncomfortable or not, because at that point I just consider myself walking wounded and let it go when I need to.

At some point, it starts turning around. Because the endorphins add up.

So... there's a change in my writing- if not in our public engagement A4 [though i think it IS there], than at least in our private engagement. I'm not sure you've noticed, but I feel it just as I type.

What last resort tool has Laz been pulling out the past 24 hours?

Right. I am now trying to rehydrate myself because I have pretty much been bawling like a baby.

But I needed it, and maybe I'm doing a bit better.
...you kind of have to dig deep in the tool kit I guess.

Thanks for the support.
<3

In the deep dark black icy cold wrongy-verse exists a strangely interesting and oddly attractive rare creature called Laz, who sits in the darkness and ponders the mystical laws that could generate wronginess x wrongymoreness= bringing forth the ultimate wronginess of them all FRANKENWRONGINESS...lighting flashes thunder rumbles..followed by evil laughter...Whua! HA! Ha! ha!
A evil opera brought to you by Mael

"...the mystical laws that could generate wronginess x wrongymoreness= bringing forth the ultimate wronginess of them all FRANKENWRONGINESS..."
Ha. Thanks Maelstrom

I thought it might make you smile...a play on the frankenstien movie..Love the new pic. very Feminine...soft and lovely. Laz.. barfs... but secretly is pleased...
Your faith tattoo a nice thing to anchor ones mind and heart..
Stay in a good place Mael

pffft

Ha! Mael wins one...he understands Laz a little..