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Learning what it takes to socialize

One great result that came from getting my anxiety under control is that now I'm willing to approach new experiences.

From each of these experiences I'm able to learn and do better each time afterwards, which is how I'm getting better at job interviews. The frustrating part about this is actually getting the interviews. I can only get better the more I go to, but employers don't make it easy. I can't tell you how many times I've been told "we're not actually hiring right now" or "we just hired someone" or "we'll call you". So many times I've seen "hiring" advertisements, went to apply and been told "not hiring". It's frustrating to no end! I take things literally, so it's not easy for me and other's like me to get along in a world filled with deviations. It's still something that I'm just trying to figure out, but just as with everything else if I repeat the experience enough times I'll begin to recognize themes they have in common and I've come to realize that there's a pattern to it all. There's a pattern to socializing.

Why is it that shallow people tend to be the most popular despite having no personality, no skills, no talents, and no passion? I've met some people like this and have wondered about what the key is to their social success. For example: back in high school I was having a conversation with two other girls while looking through the yearbook and we noticed that some students were missing from the book entirely and one of them was a popular guy. Then we started wondering why he was so popular when he wasn't in sports, he wasn't into any clubs, nor had any hobbies. What did his friends see in him? He had nothing that made him interesting, so the guy wasn't really known for anything spectacular, he was just known; he was well known for his arrogance though.

Whatever it is that makes him and other shallow people popular must be the key element to socializing successfully. These people who have a huge social circle despite being uninteresting are the same people who get hired despite being unqualified for the job. On the other hand those who do have all of the qualifications are struggling to get hired and I see it all the time. What this tells me is that I have to learn a skill that can't be obtained from books it can only be learned from real-world experience, I just have to keep on approaching people, talking with them and learn from the failures and rejections because it only uncovers more of these patterns and it's that key that's alluded me my whole life that I'm after. No matter how anxiety inducing it may be. And If I make some friends along the way it'll have been worth the effort because I know that once I have this figured out it'll be something that I will have for the rest of my life and I know it'll take me far.


A long time ago in a place far away I got lucky and landed a job at Lockheed through a friend I had who worked there. I was surprised when they told me that they usually don't list a job until after they have an idea of who they want to hire. The only reason they listed most jobs at all was that it was required for their federal contract that all job opening be posted before someone got hired. My opening went public about the time my app for the security clearance was submitted.

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