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Feeling ugly

I’m very emotional.
I separated from the person that was my couple for 18 years (married for fifteen years).
I connected the dots of what was going on this week.
I was disappointed. All these years looking for a reason. Elaborating the most complicated theories.
And the answer is so vulgar, so pedestrian.
Another woman.

I have never feel ugly in my life... except when I was around 16 and my mom told me, “How do you think I feel? I used to have a daughter that was pretty, now I don’t”.

I feel ugly now. Unwanted. Even if I don’t love him anymore.

After my ex told my that he loathed me, eight months ago, I developed a strong relationship with someone that only sees me like a friend, while I see him like something else.

So, double ugly.

That’s how I feel.

Comments

I'm sorry this happened to you... I was with my kids father for over 8 years and he consistently cheated on me with other woman... I have very low self esteem myself... I've been in a relationship now that will be 2 years in April and he tells me EVERYDAY that he loves me and that i am beautiful... but EVERY TIME I really have a hard time believing it... and I'm so terrified that he is going to cheat on me... I am also a very observant person so any little signs that seem familiarly suspicious to me I freak... I realize that a lot of the time its my paranoia... but there are times I feel like just being a lone forever so I do not have to worry about another person hurting me after becoming so vulnerable with them... its traumatizing...
 
I'm sorry this happened to you... I was with my kids father for over 8 years and he consistently cheated on me with other woman... I have very low self esteem myself... I've been in a relationship now that will be 2 years in April and he tells me EVERYDAY that he loves me and that i am beautiful... but EVERY TIME I really have a hard time believing it... and I'm so terrified that he is going to cheat on me... I am also a very observant person so any little signs that seem familiarly suspicious to me I freak... I realize that a lot of the time its my paranoia... but there are times I feel like just being a lone forever so I do not have to worry about another person hurting me after becoming so vulnerable with them... its traumatizing...
What an awful feeling is not to be reciprocated in love.

I have no idea if my ex cheated on me. But it became obvious now, that he had somebody else in his mind, and that his feelings for her affected negatively his relationship with me.

When someone is partner of a person that they don’t want to be with, they become enraged (logically), because the present partner is just a reminder that the other one would be better for them.
 
I'm sorry this happened to you... I was with my kids father for over 8 years and he consistently cheated on me with other woman... I have very low self esteem myself... I've been in a relationship now that will be 2 years in April and he tells me EVERYDAY that he loves me and that i am beautiful... but EVERY TIME I really have a hard time believing it... and I'm so terrified that he is going to cheat on me... I am also a very observant person so any little signs that seem familiarly suspicious to me I freak... I realize that a lot of the time its my paranoia... but there are times I feel like just being a lone forever so I do not have to worry about another person hurting me after becoming so vulnerable with them... its traumatizing...
I can see that being problematic... my ex used to comment how attractive other woman were around me and turn his head looking at attractive woman as they passed by us walking... it made me feel awful... my partner now just stairs at woman i know he finds attractive. He doesnt comment on them though like my ex... but it still hurts me and makes me feel unattractive...
 

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Sabrina
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