• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I have never let go

  • Author Author Xinyta
  • Create date Create date
  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 1 min read
I see my folly.

I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life have ever let go of anything. I have blamed this. I have blamed that. But I have largely blamed myself for things that I have no control over. Blamed myself for things that never existed. Blamed myself for my life being the way it is. I think about it and always spiral. I have never let go. Even thinking about it now, it just leaves a sour feeling.

I have internalized for so long. Filled myself with a seething self-hatred so deep, that I have never in my life considered anything else. Now that I face my demons once again, I have no idea how to let go of it. I just dwell, ruminate, and internalize. That's all it seems I know how to do.

Comments

AprilR
I know how this feels. To stop ruminating is really hard. I just try to fill my life with things i enjoy doing, and distract myself as much as i can with fleeting but positive moments. When you are ruminating, even when something good happens you tend to not notice it, or disregard it. You have to consciously hold on to the good, positive things of your life, butt is easier said than done.
 

Blog entry information

Author
Xinyta
Read time
1 min read
Views
411
Comments
1
Last update

More entries from Xinyta

  • Xinyta
    I get it now
    My resentment, the person in my head, is namely against my Dad. All my hang-ups are because of...
  • Xinyta
    Father
    So. My Dad, who I don't talk to, is visiting tomorrow for both mine and my Uncle's birthday...
  • Xinyta
    A long battle ahead
    It's difficult. But I need to ignore my negativity. I need to ignore my psychosis. The delusions...
  • Xinyta
    It's hard to be positive
    I really am seeing how difficult it is to be positive when I have the mindset that 'I'll always...
  • Xinyta
    Stress and Anxiety are a Delusion?
    I've been off my anxiety meds a few days. I've noticed that my leveled out stress and anxiety...

Share this entry

Top Bottom