"You use autism as an excuse."

[Streetwise]

Disappointment is more painful for me. And that’s me

Have you ever explored with a therapist The first time you were disappointed by someone forgiveness for me is still very hard but I've got to do as it's taking my sanity

 

[Ming of Mongo]

I'm actually trying to be less easy on people since it usually leads to disappointment. But then of course I end up being too hard on myself. I find it difficult to balance things. I used open up way too fast and way too much but now I tend to see the worst in people. And let's face it, the fact that we all need a forum like this shows how cruel people can be, and how difficult they are making each other's lives. It's true that some (actually most) people are uneducated, but i don't think that it's the only reason why they act the way they act when they come across people who show symptoms of autism. My biggest problem about humans in general is how dishonest they can be. It is exhausting to live in doubt all the time. I don't understand why people want other people in their lives if they cannot accept or like each other. What is the point of faking relationships? Well, in my experience, it often involves satisfying one's needs whatever they may be. I'm a one-strike kind of person. I'm not interested in any drama. Most of all, I'm very intolerant. I'm bitter, yes, I try to be logical. Since we live in a society, we kinda have to interact with people but I'm just trying to avoid unnecessary problems. When I think about my relationships (with friends, family members or boyfriends), I guess I'm healing much faster when I cut ties with someone (compared to before). Each time something like that happens, it takes me less time to get over it.

But I appreciate anyone who is genuine. And that's rare.

Starting in the 40s and 50s, people became obsessed with extroversion. All those books like, How to Win Friends and Influence People, came out then, largely aimed at salesmen but picked up by society at large. Maybe more of an American thing, but I think it happened some everywhere. If you aren't an outgoing people person, ready to start conversations with everyone you meet, then you are a total failure, and not worth anyone's time.

Don't believe it. It's a social poison. Half the world gets ignored, often when introversion is most helpful. Society is now overrun with people who are compelled to act before they think. It's not good for anyone.

 

[Nikolas Di Domenico]

 

[pax]

My mom (the only human being who actually communicates with me on a regular basis) says stuff like that to me all the time. She tells me that I should learn to read people better, and that I have no empathy, just because of the way I interact with her. She had a natural disaster strike her house over the summer and she isn't happy with the slow rate at which things are getting fixed. When she expresses this to me every time we message each other over Skype, instead of spending my time commiserating with her and saying "poor you" over and over again (which is what she wants, I guess), I give her practical advice about how she can get things speeded up (some of which has been effective). Once she has finished giving me about 1000 excuses why what I am suggesting to her is completely impossible (she doesn't want to be bothered by guys working on her house while she is there so I suggested that she get them to do the work while she is away visiting me, but of course that's a terrible idea), she then spends at least 15 minutes berating me and telling me I have no empathy and I don't read people very well, and no wonder I was treated so poorly at work if that's the way I treat others, etc., etc., etc.

The fact that I got my diagnosis last month has only given her more ammo. She tells me I don't read people very well (as if it's difficult to read what she is feeling when she is screaming at me) and I say "yeah, that's because I have Aspergers", and then she tells me that I should learn to read people better as if the reason I can't do it is because I'm lazy and can't be bothered or something.

But what can I do? She's my mom, and it's not as if anyone else talks to me.

Are we related? You don't need that ****.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Are we related? You don't need that ****.

If the whole earth read that simultaneously:
1. It would stop spinning
2. World peace would dawn as everyone would say those words at the same time.
3. War would break out over what the **** really was.

Ah, remember the days of the number 2

 

[Esa]

Have you ever explored with a therapist The first time you were disappointed by someone forgiveness for me is still very hard but I've got to do as it's taking my sanity

I have.

 

[Esa]

Have you ever explored with a therapist The first time you were disappointed by someone forgiveness for me is still very hard but I've got to do as it's taking my sanity

I don’t think we are on the same page in regards to how we perceive the consept of forgiveness.

 

[Streetwise]

I don’t think we are on the same page in regards to how we perceive the consept of forgiveness.

You're a lot like me though I started doing it because I was angry a lot and it was becoming unbearable I can understand why the Bible says forgive 7×70 as I can forgive and a second later I am angry again

 

[Esa]

You're a lot like me though I started doing it because I was angry a lot and it was becoming unbearable I can understand why the Bible says forgive 7×70 as I can forgive and a second later I am angry again

I don’t think I’m a lot like you.

 

[Bgy7278]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

I don’t believe ASD is a social disability at all, or something you should be made to feel ashamed of. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if people just said what they were thinking instead of playing this twisted game of Charades? I don’t know why I should be expected to understand what people are feeling or thinking by the look on the’re face or body language.
I wouldn’t feel bad about keeping some distance from that person. They obviously don’t want to or can’t understand your individuality and uniqueness. I try to only keep people in my life who are a positive influence, and who don’t try to conform me to the NT’s version of normal.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I don’t believe ASD is a social disability at all, or something you should be made to feel ashamed of. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if people just said what they were thinking instead of playing this twisted game of Charades? I don’t know why I should be expected to understand what people are feeling or thinking by the look on the’re face or body language.
I wouldn’t feel bad about keeping some distance from that person. They obviously don’t want to or can’t understand your individuality and uniqueness. I try to only keep people in my life who are a positive influence, and who don’t try to conform me to the NT’s version of normal.

What about if they like Phil Collins?

 

[Bgy7278]

What about if they like Phil Collins?

I don’t understand the question

 

[Streetwise]

If the whole earth read that simultaneously:
1. It would stop spinning
2. World peace would dawn as everyone would say those words at the same time.
3. War would break out over what the **** really was.

Ah, remember the days of the number 2

Do people in countries apart from the UK know what that means about the number 2

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Do people in countries apart from the UK know what that means about the number 2

 

[Chance]

It's unfortunate you experienced this. Sadly, though, many of us here have experienced similar situations. I've worked hard over the past 57 years to try to emulate NT behavior and act the way they expect. Still, I cannot turn it off nor can I feel the way they do. Like you, I am always correcting myself and then wonder if I said or did something "wrong" when I get home. Those closest to me understand and will even be kind enough to ask for clarification if I've done something that seems odd or confusing. To them I am happy to respond. To those who cannot accept me or work with me on some of the world's notions about my shortcomings I offer:

Gosh I have a few nice heartless beings I would like to send this too right now...
Its perfect. I am always the immature idiot, yet I have a better job, home, cars, and credit rating than anyone I even know of... But I'm an idiot? Its been a s...ty day, but I love that pic.

 

[Chance]

having autism really isn't an excuse. we all have the capability to learn, right? we can even learn, intellectually, what to do when something happens that a person is completely unable to do otherwise.

i believe, we all have the capability to be perfectly NT, in social situations. even if only for a short time. people who say they cant... i don't really believe them, because i tend to assume that people are more intelligent and/or more capable in general than i am. ergo, if i could do it, someone smarter or better than me definitely can.

But in all fairness some on this vast Spectrum (LFA) might not be able to ever pull of NT...
Just saying... Its obvious by reading most any post on here most of us are mid to HFA, so yes it might apply in short bursts to us. I can pull it off, but not for long anymore. : )

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

Sorry to read you had to endure that..it must be difficult..best wishes

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

I got told this a few times on an internet forum, but they never told me exactly I was using it as an excuse for. Just "You use your autism as an excuse! Blah blah blah!" At least tell me what it is you think I'm trying to excuse. In real life, it was my mother who used it as an excuse for me to not be allowed to do things such as learn to drive, get a job and grow up.

 

[Gayspie]

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

Everyone says this to me all the time and it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry for hours - its just not fair...

 

[Owl]

I can’t agree with this because ASD is a spectrum, meaning that because one person can learn to “be perfectly NT” , that does not mean we all can do that. I am 68 and no matter how much I intellectualize the correct way to handle something, I mess it all up by misreading what the other person is really trying to say. I can’t get it, no matter how hard I work at it. Or perhaps I will burst into tears unexpectedly if the other person confuses me. It is just too, too hard!

There is also the problem that not every person with autism has the exact same way their brain functions. When my testing was done, they told me that my brain shunts stuff all over my brain because some of the parts that should handle it don’t, so it gets sent from point A to point D to point C to point F and sometimes back to point A and I burst into tears.

Some of us just CAN’T! I have a gifted level IQ, which only helps if I am away from distractions and noise and lights and people. Otherwise all those things overwhelm the rest. So how is it that autism is not an excuse?

Totally agree. It is like asking if it is possible to run a computer without a GPU and expect it to run normally. Technically yes. In practice using the CPU to handle all the activity that the GPU used to handle will make the CPU slow down to an unreasonable extent. Doesn't mean it is a bad CPU but it will need to be used in a different way to take into account its different situation.