• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

"You use autism as an excuse."

Sadly I suspect this concern is at the core of how my cousin relates to the whole subject of autism.

The one human being I actually have real-time face-to-face occasional social interaction with. Which has taken our relationship down several notches from what it was before my becoming self-aware. With no known way to repair whatever damage has been done.
 
Autism is a part of you/us. You cannot change the fact you have autism, and I know many people are smart who live with autism, but then NT people say, "there's something wrong with us" in the same sense that they say fat people shouldn't be very fat, or skinny people need not be skinny, or people with glasses should wear contact lenses, so they look less like a geek. It's just how we are. So why change to suit others?

I mean, maybe there's books that may be 'valuable' somehow, that teach you basic life skills, but in general, some people don't understand autism, or maybe autistic people also don't understand NT behavior. So that person saying that to you was kind of cold. I myself feel like a loner. I'm no longer interested in developing relationships with others. I've been hurt too much. Not having sex, friends, jobs, and whatever does suck. But then I learned to weigh up the pros and cons. It's very hard, and upsetting. I know. I feel like quitting is weak, but then I too felt like it was all bleak and for nothing.

My ex support workers certainly didn't understand me. I am intelligent and full of knowledge, but only those who appreciate my topics of interest would care. Sometimes, I think that my knowledge or my massive collection of things important to me, puts me in the same listing as an unsung hero, leader, or a "God" and I often wonder why 'nobody cares,' let alone seems to notice any of this. So it makes me feel left out, and also disheartened. And then of course, there is bouts of anxiety that creeps up on me, all brought on by betrayal and the fabrication of otherwise petty events, that screw up one's self-esteem even more. To be honest, I half want to gain new support workers to better my life, but I half don't want them again. I'm actually rightfully worried about who they must answer to, and their stool pigeon like mentality is making me think that allowing them back into my life would be a fool's move. It's a no-win situation either way. Then you just carry on feeling way too lonesome.
 
People tend to get stuck in their specific thinking ways and have a hard time imagining how others think and see the world. Unfortunately, most is not exactly understanding or patient enough to even try.

Like today. Throughout my 13 hrs shift I was called an android, a funny face and sick in the head. Why? Does it matter? People don't listen or try to understand. They judge because it's so much easier.
 
I've heard that from toxic people who think that "she's grow out of it" or "she's not trying hard enough", the last one is a kind way of saying you're lazy. I had one teacher at my elementary who was generally thinking that I was an autistic savant. :sweat:

I try not to talk about my autism because it can used by others in that way. I'm just me and if they don't like it then you don't have to hang out with them or tell 'em to knock it off. I had to basically lay it out to my friend since she wasn't getting how I was acting.
 
fairy_girl said:
I've heard that from toxic people who think that "she's grow out of it" or "she's not trying hard enough", the last one is a kind way of saying you're lazy. I had one teacher at my elementary who was generally thinking that I was an autistic savant. :sweat:

I try not to talk about my autism because it can used by others in that way. I'm just me and if they don't like it then you don't have to hang out with them or tell 'em to knock it off. I had to basically lay it out to my friend since she wasn't getting how I was acting.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, most of the time if you're autistic, then you're mental and less than them.
 
The truth is, we know more about NT's than they do about us. We've been forced to learn to adapt, and to do things, and act in a NT fashion. Since my diagnosis I've learned very quickly how incredibly ignorant NT's are when it comes to Autism. Not because the information isn't readily available to them, but because they don't care to educate themselves unless it directly pertains to them. Before my diagnosis, and even now, I educated myself about the World, and the different types of people in it so I can better understand their viewpoints. There's no excuse. It's just ignorance.
 
I've also experienced the old "you're using autism as an excuse" bs too, for me it can be from a "friend" that often complains about most of my traits including going on about things and shouting (when to myself I sound normal volume).
 
Ragnahawk said:
star-wars-empire-recruitment-poster-15.jpg

my-keep-calm-star-wars-galactic-empire-poster-chungkong-art.jpg

esb1.jpg
Click to expand...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 
The person who called you out seriously needs to shut up IMO.

Autism is NOT an "excuse" for poor social skills, it is the cause and reason.
 
Last edited:
Rich Allen said:
The person who called you out seriously needs to shut up IMO.;

Autism is NOT an "excuse" for poor social skills, it is the cause and reason.
Click to expand...

social skills are a learned behavior. even intellectually. therefore, it cannot be the cause and reason, its just inability or unwillingness to learn.
 
Oh no. I've never used it as an excuse, never got told something such as this either. I've been told to just "go out and do it" (this when I was wallowing in my own pity and the past), but the a-word was out of the equation, both on my end and the other. That was a fair statement if you ask me considering the people who went out, did it, and reaped what they sowed. A bit harsh perhaps, but still fair. Now to actually doing it...

People really need to be careful with statements like this and the implications that follow. It's crossing the line between flat-out ignorance and understanding, well-meaning or not.

And no, autism alone is not an excuse to at least put in some effort to improve yourself or behave and act to a minimum standard expected by "them". Small steps, big steps or a tall building in a single bound...doesn't matter which.
 
Last edited:
Man if I had a nickle for every time that someone said I was using my ASD as an excuse, I would be well-to-do. How else can I really explain why I am the square peg in the round hole of society? I mean I am well-beyond the classic range of tolerance for differences. I really feel for others who face that kind of accusation. It's unpleasant and judgmental.
 
Currently in school where my teacher is like that. I think we’ve all been there, and it keeps repeating itself, at least to me
 
Mathalamus said:
unwillingness, or inability to learn, intellectually.
Click to expand...

That makes more sense. I'm going to disagree with your original statement however. I consider myself, and many on here to be fairly intellectual people. You can be intellectual, and still have limitations that can be attributed to Autism no matter how hard you fight and struggle to find a way to overcome it. I've been to many doctors, taken many medications, self-reflected, meditated, prayed, practiced, studied, analyzed, and then repeated the process all over again in differing variations, but today I still couldn't tell if my friend was joking, or if she was mad at me.
 
Of course Autism is a spectrum and people have different degrees of it.

However having it does make gauging other people more difficult, picking up little cues/ body language does not come as easy to me.

On a good day, I can be quite good at it, even if it tiring, other days when stressed I may have no empathy at all and want to be on my own.

I also have depression caused by the difficulties of Asperger's and people say things like "other people have it worse than us," we should be so grateful. This is so infuriating.

But going back to the original post in this thread, it is like saying people in a wheelchair should get up and walk, they are lazy not to do so. Clearly that would be unfair, but those with autism have restrictions which makes certain things more difficult, with training and effort, we can work to minimise these effects, but probably never reaching the level to those to whom it come naturally.
 
That sucks. I can be kind of paranoid about talking about being on the spectrum because it is unpredictable when people might turn hostile. It is part of being human that people have different emotional needs and when emotional needs and skills are mismatched it makes life really hard for everyone involved. In theory if this was something everyone could recognize people would make allowances for each other, but it never works that way. It is easier to blame each other and ignoring the real reasons is easier than actually holding the pain that people are different.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom