Yelling, seeing anger in eyes, frightened

[DavidH]

@paloftoon, your suggestion is very good for the reasons you stated. I was talking a bit more broader.

It's not too much to ask people to respect personal space and it is not something limit to ASD. It's like everyone needs to go back and learn kindergarten rules. "Keep your hands to yourself'.

 

[Aspychata]

Guess l needed to unload and check myself as far as what l felt. As a female, l felt threatened, pure and simple. Was it called for? I haven't like our previous encounters, he has made fun of me according to another resident. So l think l was petrified and didn't know where we going and didn't understand why he was requesting me to stand near him. He is taller then me. l also know of a story where he bullied another resident who has left, some of it is probably because of him.

 

[paloftoon]

Guess l needed to unload and check myself as far as what l felt. As a female, l felt threatened, pure and simple. Was it called for? I haven't like our previous encounters, he has made fun of me according to another resident. So l think l was petrified and didn't know where we going and didn't understand why he was requesting me to stand near him. He is taller then me. l also know of a story where he bullied another resident who has left, some of it is probably because of him.

What you should do is e-mail this person 1-1 and tell him your concern of what happened and why you feel the way you do. Don't make a big deal about it in-person and just keep it professional. Only react if you must respond to a certain situation (not easy, I know!) You aren't really straining the relationship per se because it's already strained.

I think telling him that you thought it was weird that he was requesting you to stand near him and that you had no idea why he would ask you that is worth mentioning. If you want to go into more detail, you can. If not, then you can leave it at that unless he asks why you would care and/or feel that way. If he wants to know more, then you lay it all out in detail in writing/e-mail. Build up your case- just in case.

You don't need to make an effort to seek him out, but definitely be open to him for communication. If he asks if something is wrong or feels off, you can tell him in-person 1-1 your concerns. If he doesn't seem genuinely concerned or if the feelings are still there, then I'd be more detailed in an e-mail about your concerns to him only. He might be a bully, but hard to say. Time will tell. Stand up for yourself as necessary and appropriate.

 

[Aspychata]

Eventually l will need to leave this position because it will be to far to travel for such part-time hours. But my boss gave me responsibility and l was asked to bring creativity and customer service when l worked. Finally, it was physically demanding and required plenty of short term memory and quickness, and l did it. So it provided much needed confidence that l had been lacking up until then. l also work with a big staff and there has been very few issues. So this position was a win win for me. To wrap this up, l will say nothing to him, and use it as a lesson.

 

[paloftoon]

Eventually l will need to leave this position because it will be to far to travel for such part-time hours. But my boss gave me responsibility and l was asked to bring creativity and customer service when l worked. Finally, it was physically demanding and required plenty of short term memory and quickness, and l did it. So it provided much needed confidence that l had been lacking up until then. l also work with a big staff and there has been very few issues. So this position was a win win for me. To wrap this up, l will say nothing to him, and use it as a lesson.

Interesting. It might be "good practice" to step it up a notch and be slightly proactive. That way, if you mess up after that, it won't be too bad since you know that. Staying absolutely quiet without at least an
e-mail seems too passive unless you are not 100% sure that what he did was inappropriate within the context.

 

[Aspychata]

Interesting. It might be "good practice" to step it up a notch and be slightly proactive. That way, if you mess up after that, it won't be too bad since you know that. Staying absolutely quiet without at least an
e-mail seems too passive unless you are not 100% sure that what he did was inappropriate within the context.

I kind of feel like l went through the reasoning on it. Understood how l felt. Took emotional responsibility for how l felt. It was wrong of him, but it was a error on his part. People get upset. That's okay. But l don't need to stand next to him to get information, l stood my ground, l remained professional, and l only obsessed here at this site about it!! Instead of hours in my pea brain until 1:am. Change has happened in my cognitive thought pattern. I find myself standing up for me so much more, but in a good way.I don't need to over -react
or over-respond. Finally l find the middle ground. It feels socially responsible.

 

[WildCat]

...
It's not too much to ask people to respect personal space and it is not something limit to ASD. It's like everyone needs to go back and learn kindergarten rules. "Keep your hands to yourself'.

Agreed. "Wait your turn to speak", "stand in line", "be patient", etc. It isn't a lot to ask for, especially from so-called "mature" adults. I wonder what the outcome would be if the person doing this was held accountable and treated as such (a kindergartner).

 

[Aspychata]

Today l did responsibly address with a supervisor someone who has physically blocked me numerous times to the point that l have become angry when l see him. On xmas day, l asked him not to block me. My job requires a lot and l don't have time for his silliness. The supervisor tried to minimize the incidents and his behaviour but l didn't fall for it. She claimed he is very nice. I am thinking, yes, because your his boss, he knows you are married and isn't trying to pick you up. I stated his behaviour is unprofessional and he should know better. It felt great to let it out.