Wounded Healer

[qwerty]

I fear you may be right, in fact I think you are right. It is wonderful to talk with intelligent people.

a decent intelligence is the norm here

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I like the way you said stay open what you need will come and that what comes your way will come you way and you need to be strong for that i aspire you. you are a true healer just my opinion. others might think differently. if anybody needs a coach i would be so happy to have a coach like you to help me get through my illness and rough days to get better and become stronger everyday that I too will be a healer someday like you!

It doesn't matter about labels. We all have energy ...without handbooks. I didn't go through my tragedy gracefully. I fell apart for 6 months. I do have natural healing knowledge but, knowing it and living it are 2 different things. I am empathic but no guru here!

 

[Professori]

Es tut mir leid, aber mir macht es sinn (die frage) - Oder vielicht die aussage

Ngiyaqonda. Engadingekile. Ube lelonga elihle.

 

[Professori]

I agree with the last thing you said, the only way critical thinking works is to proceed that way. That is what makes critical thinking difficult.

I felt compelled to write because of the first thing you said, that people are agreeing. I am not right nor is the original poster wrong but what is actually being said and agreed to? Selling is convincing people there is a need and offering something that will fulfill it. What is wrong with being injured? Must it be something we live without? Why does this person (as it appears to me) have the solution? How did they come to this knowledge and what exactly is it?

It all sounds soft, flowing from unsubstantiated certitude to metaphor and glowing terms. I worry about this because people buy "energy bracelets" and "balancing bracelets" and people go on "cleansing" diets to removes "toxins". I apologize for the need of all those quotation marks but they are essential because these things are not real and can do real harm.

I do not have the answers and will be swayed by a good argument but I don't see one being made by the OP. Instead it seems motivational but also somehow making solid claims. The former is alright but the latter requires explanation. I like the people here. I don't want people mislead. A good feeling can be a good thing but starting to be devotional based on only a good feeling can lead to trouble.

I think your comments are very poignant and thank you for making them.

I have up to now resisted the temptation to address the issues you raised regarding my post, but felt that you had read so much into it that I myself cannot relate to at all, and so I need to at least respond in some way. I coincidently came across your post on doing something 'normal', and can readily relate to the problem and possible solution that you propose, given that have my own needs I that regard. Ironically, I find a parallel in what you write with what I was posing in my own post. Very broadly, if I find that there is someone who is able to help me in an area in which I struggle, and this is done on the basis of that person being able to relate to my own struggles because they have/have had a similar struggle, then that is precisely the basis upon which I pose the 'wounded healer' example. I would never imply that there is anythng wrong with 'wounds' - we all have psycho-emotional or similar struggles and I walk with my own 'limp', but the intention is simply to ask whether or not people can relate to them as a basis for helping others in similar situations. And the example I used was meant purely as a hypothetical one, not relating to anyone in particular. I posed a question at the beginning and again at the end without providing the answers so that people can make up their own minds.
In fact, I attempted to avoid imposing anything on anyone reading the post. I do not lay claim to some sort of superior knowledge, or be a guru in this regard. I could have, given that I have the training, experience and education as both professor and psychologist over a period of 36 odd years (my mentioning this is simply intended as the basis for the point that I am making). I deliberately attempted to leave it to the reader to make up his/her mind, and relate to the example or not. I have been writing purely on the basis of people being intelligent enough to choose what they want to accept, draw from it what they choose, or reject it outright. I certainly do not relate to them as a group requiring a protector or guardian, as you seem to imply. The intention was to be helpful to those who may never have thought they could assist anyone else because of their own struggles, or simply have not related to their struggles that way. However, you state that you wrote on the basis of the fact that people were agreeing with the post. Why should they not agree? Should they only agree with what you choose for them to accept?
I certainly do not intend to prod people in the direction of 'bracelets' or 'crystals' or anything remotely similar that because I do not accept those approaches or agree with them, and there was no 'devotional' intention. However, psycho-emotional problems are very 'real' despite the fact that they may not always be rational, and I do think that more should be done to encourage all to use them rather than fall victim to them or simply accept them. That is my opinion.
Finally, on a personal note, after many years of academic life in which I have done little but look for the rational (and 'real' if you prefer) and debate on the basis of critical-thinking, quantitative and qualification research, and logic, I have found that for too long and too often along my journey, I have sought shelter in cerebral studies, knowledge which eventually comes without appreciation, and facts without enthusiasm. Now that I am nearly at the end of this scholarly road, I am struck by the insignificance of it all - it just does not seem to matter, and so I no longer choose to always debate on the basis of rationality and critical thinking. It would seem to me that there is much more. I re-emphasise, this is a personal note and I do not intend to impose it on anyone else. This is why I personally choose not to write on this basis.
It is a great pity that you found so much negative in what I intended as a positive, especially since largely what you found was not actually there, but rather based on your reading into the post - and me as a person for that matter. You have assumed to know much more about my intentions than what is real or correct. That which you found could only have been concrete and correct should I have intended it to be so, and I was quite surprised to read what you said. You mention that you like 'these people' and that was the basis on which you felt compelled to write. Well, I would apprciate it if you would remember that 'this person' is one of 'these people'. I have no intention of getting into a debate, argument or becoming personal on all of this. I would prefer to leave it there because discussion mediated through technology does lead to misunderstanding.

 

[grommet]

...It is a great pity that you found so much negative in what I intended as a positive, especially since largely what you found was not actually there, but rather based on your reading into the post - and me as a person for that matter. You have assumed to know much more about my intentions than what is real or correct. That which you found could only have been concrete and correct should I have intended it to be so, and I was quite surprised to read what you said. You mention that you like 'these people' and that was the basis on which you felt compelled to write. Well, I would appreciate it if you would remember that 'this person' is one of 'these people'. I have no intention of getting into a debate, argument or becoming personal on all of this. I would prefer to leave it there because discussion mediated through technology does lead to misunderstanding.

Thank you for your comments and helping me reach clarity. It is a shame that I read what I did into what you said. I apologize. I make this mistake and it never makes me happy when I do. Also, you are right, you are one of 'these people'.

Maybe the safest place to make mistakes like this is among other aspies. I make a lot of mistakes, I seem to misunderstand quite a lot. I am trying to learn and having the help here at Aspie Central is important to me and I am grateful for it. I think we really do need each other's help. Out in the world we get in a lot of trouble, even fired from jobs because we misinterpret and act. I really am sorry.

I thought about taking my comments down but I realized that it might help people more to see how I made a mistake and maybe they might see something they recognize in how they do.

Also, I agree with your last thought about discussion through technology. Maybe this is an example of it.

I try to do right, I want to be kind. I still hurt people. I don't know a solution except maybe there's some hope in talking with other aspies about our mistakes and taking their opinions seriously. Nobody knows us better than us.

 

[watersprite]

I very much appreciate what you say here grommet. Because I make mistakes in communication quite often, I have a need to forgive others in the hope that they will be patient with me in return. I like fairness. Even when I am trying hard to understand what another's viewpoint is, I realize there are bound to be areas I just won't 'get.' I think, with all due respect to Professori, that for me reading all the posts here is what gives the best sense of our community of supportive and friendly aspies.

 

[Professori]

Thank you for your comments and helping me reach clarity. It is a shame that I read what I did into what you said. I apologize. I make this mistake and it never makes me happy when I do. Also, you are right, you are one of 'these people'.

Maybe the safest place to make mistakes like this is among other aspies. I make a lot of mistakes, I seem to misunderstand quite a lot. I am trying to learn and having the help here at Aspie Central is important to me and I am grateful for it. I think we really do need each other's help. Out in the world we get in a lot of trouble, even fired from jobs because we misinterpret and act. I really am sorry.

I thought about taking my comments down but I realized that it might help people more to see how I made a mistake and maybe they might see something they recognize in how they do.

Also, I agree with your last thought about discussion through technology. Maybe this is an example of it.

I try to do right, I want to be kind. I still hurt people. I don't know a solution except maybe there's some hope in talking with other aspies about our mistakes and taking their opinions seriously. Nobody knows us better than us.

Thanks very much for your comments, grommet, I truly appreciate them. I am also grateful for Aspie Central, and definitely agree with your sentiments on this regard.

 

[qwerty]

I have up to now resisted the temptation to address the issues you raised regarding my post, but felt that you had read so much into it that I myself cannot relate to at all, and so I need to at least respond in some way. I coincidently came across your post on doing something 'normal', and can readily relate to the problem and possible solution that you propose, given that have my own needs I that regard. Ironically, I find a parallel in what you write with what I was posing in my own post. Very broadly, if I find that there is someone who is able to help me in an area in which I struggle, and this is done on the basis of that person being able to relate to my own struggles because they have/have had a similar struggle, then that is precisely the basis upon which I pose the 'wounded healer' example. I would never imply that there is anythng wrong with 'wounds' - we all have psycho-emotional or similar struggles and I walk with my own 'limp', but the intention is simply to ask whether or not people can relate to them as a basis for helping others in similar situations. And the example I used was meant purely as a hypothetical one, not relating to anyone in particular. I posed a question at the beginning and again at the end without providing the answers so that people can make up their own minds.
In fact, I attempted to avoid imposing anything on anyone reading the post. I do not lay claim to some sort of superior knowledge, or be a guru in this regard. I could have, given that I have the training, experience and education as both professor and psychologist over a period of 36 odd years (my mentioning this is simply intended as the basis for the point that I am making). I deliberately attempted to leave it to the reader to make up his/her mind, and relate to the example or not. I have been writing purely on the basis of people being intelligent enough to choose what they want to accept, draw from it what they choose, or reject it outright. I certainly do not relate to them as a group requiring a protector or guardian, as you seem to imply. The intention was to be helpful to those who may never have thought they could assist anyone else because of their own struggles, or simply have not related to their struggles that way. However, you state that you wrote on the basis of the fact that people were agreeing with the post. Why should they not agree? Should they only agree with what you choose for them to accept?
I certainly do not intend to prod people in the direction of 'bracelets' or 'crystals' or anything remotely similar that because I do not accept those approaches or agree with them, and there was no 'devotional' intention. However, psycho-emotional problems are very 'real' despite the fact that they may not always be rational, and I do think that more should be done to encourage all to use them rather than fall victim to them or simply accept them. That is my opinion.
Finally, on a personal note, after many years of academic life in which I have done little but look for the rational (and 'real' if you prefer) and debate on the basis of critical-thinking, quantitative and qualification research, and logic, I have found that for too long and too often along my journey, I have sought shelter in cerebral studies, knowledge which eventually comes without appreciation, and facts without enthusiasm. Now that I am nearly at the end of this scholarly road, I am struck by the insignificance of it all - it just does not seem to matter, and so I no longer choose to always debate on the basis of rationality and critical thinking. It would seem to me that there is much more. I re-emphasise, this is a personal note and I do not intend to impose it on anyone else. This is why I personally choose not to write on this basis.
It is a great pity that you found so much negative in what I intended as a positive, especially since largely what you found was not actually there, but rather based on your reading into the post - and me as a person for that matter. You have assumed to know much more about my intentions than what is real or correct. That which you found could only have been concrete and correct should I have intended it to be so, and I was quite surprised to read what you said. You mention that you like 'these people' and that was the basis on which you felt compelled to write. Well, I would apprciate it if you would remember that 'this person' is one of 'these people'. I have no intention of getting into a debate, argument or becoming personal on all of this. I would prefer to leave it there because discussion mediated through technology does lead to misunderstanding.

i find it very arduous trying to read long posts that are presented as a big wall of text like this.
it helps make it easier to read if you separate paragraphs with a space

you mention 36 years of study, wow, sounds interesting.
do you mind speaking about your study?
professor is a great achievement.

 

[On the Inside]

I have followed along with this thread without commenting, because I don't quite understand how another person "heals" the psychic injury of another. I have been hurt physically in many ways, some requiring direct medical intervention, some needing long, dedicated, self directed therapy to heal properly. These "healings" have for the most part been successful.

I have recently stopped seeing the therapist I had been engaged with for over a year and a half, before that, I saw three other therapists of different types, and one "life coach" for a total span of five and a half years. I have also been prescribed medications to help with my "ailments" of mind, which have helped in some ways. While this process has given me some answers as to why I have had repeated difficulty throughout my life, some lessening of the symptoms of my afflictions, along with two or three "diagnoses" pointing to a cause of those difficulties, I feel no more healed than I did before, on a psychic, or mental health level. In fact, my issues remain, they are the roots and rocks that trip me up along the path.

What I do feel is more resilient. Perhaps desensitized, or less sensitive, I don't know. I'm not sure if I am stronger. I am getting older, more aches, I forget things, my vision is not what it used to be, yet I feel those psychic wounds are here with me, part of my life, until I might simply forget them and move on. Still not healed, the injuries are just no longer, or less relevant.

I'm one of the more fortunate, I haven't suffered any real trauma, just confusion, feeling lost, apart and drifting through a forest of plans, systems, organizing principles, connections, groups, communities that I struggle to understand, sometimes even recognize. Things that seem to give structure, comfort, meaning, and a clearer path for life's journey to a lot of people.

This forum has probably helped the most; for the first time in my life I have communicated clearly with others who bring their experience, intelligence, knowledge and opinions, and arrived at a deeper understanding of the issues I have faced. Maybe some would call that healing, but to me, healing is something that you truly feel. I know what it feels like to break a bone, tear a ligament, the sensations of healing, and the renewed strength of recovery. But I don't see how that process would work with how I think, what I experience, how others relate to me and I to them. As I said, I have found great benefit from participating on this forum, yet I still ache, deep down, perhaps more so now than I did before.

So, what is this healing of which you speak? Am I missing out on another thing that has helped others, yet eludes me?

 

[laurag9g9g9]

When I posted about my late husband experience... I hoped to discuss the energy aspect. I didn't do well . I need to learn how to share energy. The discussion focused on the tragedy aspect. Sorry ... I'd rather be positive and inspired . I have a very hard time transforming my thoughts to screen

 

[On the Inside]

I hoped to discuss the energy aspect. I didn't do well

I hope I wasn't dwelling too far into the "tragedy" aspect. As I stated, I haven't really suffered much in the way of tragedy or trauma. Your story about caring for your husband touched me in how the act of caring for others can leave the caregiver depleted. Is this mainly from the ultimate outcome, for you? Had he survived, would you have still been depleted? Perhaps not, if you could have brought the dog into your lives together.

Energy is a strange thing, I have lots of it (a little less now that my anxiety is being treated) and have been able to accomplish a few of the things that have been very important to me, thanks to that energy. It has been difficult for me to harness and direct it, except for obsessive exercise. At times it does waver into negativity, but given the time to reflect on things, I am able to reverse that charge, and transform it back to positivity, or neutrality, at least. Yet, in person, it seems most people find me either neutral, energy-wise or, after they get familiar with me, slightly negative. Indeed, I've only had spotty times in my life where I felt truly positive, that inconsistency has been part of my struggle.

As far as the energy of other people, I am very sensitive to the presence of that energy, yet am quite often mystified by it, and susceptible to misreading it. I think that I certainly wish to share this energy with others, wanting to be positive and inspired, and inspirational as well. However, I find the power of another person's energy to be a bit overwhelming.

 

[Professori]

i find it very arduous trying to read long posts that are presented as a big wall of text like this.
it helps make it easier to read if you separate paragraphs with a space

you mention 36 years of study, wow, sounds interesting.
do you mind speaking about your study?
professor is a great achievement.

I will remember the paragraph suggestion, but hopefully will not be writing as lengthy an input again.
Actually, my 36 years as an academic/professor involved both lecturing at university as well as study and research. My academic discipline is Industrial Psychology which involves the study of human behaviour within the workplace, the intention being to be able to interpret and predict behaviour - basically in order to control it.

(I remembered the gap ) My particular research has always focused on rewards (pay) and the psychology underpinning that. I specifically aim at researching the relationships between intrinsic reward (the inner sense of meaning and purpose one may achieve through work), workplace wellbeing and motivation. I also focus on how damaging extrinsic rewards (pay) can be to human behaviour, but companies persist in manipulating behaviour through pay. It causes all kinds of negative and destructive behaviour if not dealt with very wisely. It is difficult to summarise succinctly.

Needless to say, we are very complex as human beings and difficult to understand within organisational settings.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I love talking about energy . This seems to be the only place i can. I'm actually learning to talk freely here at AC.
You said the power of another's energy overwhelms you a bit. I'm hoping you're not missing out on what it's like to be in the presence of positive energy.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

Last post to' on them inside'... My phone screen hasn't been cooperating. Cant post appropriately

 

[On the Inside]

You said the power of another's energy overwhelms you a bit. I'm hoping you're not missing out on what it's like to be in the presence of positive energy.

I probably have been missing out, though I do get some from participating in discussions on this forum, but we can't see each other and everybody all goes away once we log off.

Part of what overwhelms me in real life is that I can't seem to distinguish what "charge" state someone else's energy is, positive/negative/neutral. Or what that really has to do with what kind of person they are. I've had people say that they had "positive energy",who turned out to have really bad, explosive tempers, and I've known people who others described as "negative" who were some of the kindest people I've known, they were just depressives.

So the concept of "energy" is a bit confusing to me. There seems to be too many variables to discern and analyze for it to be of much use to me. My older sister, who I'm sure is on the spectrum, is somewhat obsessed with energy states, so I have talked a lot about it with her, and to me it seems to come down to personal interactions and reactions. She generally is a very positive person, yet bewildering in her scattered approach, so some people react to her negatively, which upsets her. Just an example of interaction/reaction.

Then there is the physics/engineering/biology side of me that looks at energy in an physics/electronic/ionic view, which kind of makes sense, in a neural/consciousness way. But as I've said, I have trouble understanding how that affects emotions and moods. It seems that for me, to stay "positive" I've had to rely rather heavily on denial and avoidance, otherwise things don't appear all that rosy. Granted, my executive function difficulties and tendency to focus on small details rather than the bigger picture have led me to a position in midlife that is a ways outside the norm in terms of lifestyle and living standards.

Ironically, the natural electrical state of human cells is negative, due to electrolyte imbalance, which creates the neural impulses for our bodies to function.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I probably have been missing out, though I do get some from participating in discussions on this forum, but we can't see each other and everybody all goes away once we log off.

Part of what overwhelms me in real life is that I can't seem to distinguish what "charge" state someone else's energy is, positive/negative/neutral. Or what that really has to do with what kind of person they are. I've had people say that they had "positive energy",who turned out to have really bad, explosive tempers, and I've known people who others described as "negative" who were some of the kindest people I've known, they were just depressives.

So the concept of "energy" is a bit confusing to me. There seems to be too many variables to discern and analyze for it to be of much use to me. My older sister, who I'm sure is on the spectrum, is somewhat obsessed with energy states, so I have talked a lot about it with her, and to me it seems to come down to personal interactions and reactions. She generally is a very positive person, yet bewildering in her scattered approach, so some people react to her negatively, which upsets her. Just an example of interaction/reaction.

Then there is the physics/engineering/biology side of me that looks at energy in an physics/electronic/ionic view, which kind of makes sense, in a neural/consciousness way. But as I've said, I have trouble understanding how that affects emotions and moods. It seems that for me, to stay "positive" I've had to rely rather heavily on denial and avoidance, otherwise things don't appear all that rosy. Granted, my executive function difficulties and tendency to focus on small details rather than the bigger picture have led me to a position in midlife that is a ways outside the norm in terms of lifestyle and living standards.

Ironically, the natural electrical state of human cells is negative, due to electrolyte imbalance, which creates the neural impulses for our bodies to function.

I see. use your tech knowledge on a grander scale. Like the moon stirs up the ocean... it stirs us up. I worked in a mall once That's when I started watching the effect of the full moon on people. Some days all people's energy is up, somedays. I navigate my way through people by the LEVEL of intensity. If a person of negative energy is calm(low)...That's fine. ya know?

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I have followed along with this thread without commenting, because I don't quite understand how another person "heals" the psychic injury of another. I have been hurt physically in many ways, some requiring direct medical intervention, some needing long, dedicated, self directed therapy to heal properly. These "healings" have for the most part been successful.

I have recently stopped seeing the therapist I had been engaged with for over a year and a half, before that, I saw three other therapists of different types, and one "life coach" for a total span of five and a half years. I have also been prescribed medications to help with my "ailments" of mind, which have helped in some ways. While this process has given me some answers as to why I have had repeated difficulty throughout my life, some lessening of the symptoms of my afflictions, along with two or three "diagnoses" pointing to a cause of those difficulties, I feel no more healed than I did before, on a psychic, or mental health level. In fact, my issues remain, they are the roots and rocks that trip me up along the path.

What I do feel is more resilient. Perhaps desensitized, or less sensitive, I don't know. I'm not sure if I am stronger. I am getting older, more aches, I forget things, my vision is not what it used to be, yet I feel those psychic wounds are here with me, part of my life, until I might simply forget them and move on. Still not healed, the injuries are just no longer, or less relevant.

I'm one of the more fortunate, I haven't suffered any real trauma, just confusion, feeling lost, apart and drifting through a forest of plans, systems, organizing principles, connections, groups, communities that I struggle to understand, sometimes even recognize. Things that seem to give structure, comfort, meaning, and a clearer path for life's journey to a lot of people.

This forum has probably helped the most; for the first time in my life I have communicated clearly with others who bring their experience, intelligence, knowledge and opinions, and arrived at a deeper understanding of the issues I have faced. Maybe some would call that healing, but to me, healing is something that you truly feel. I know what it feels like to break a bone, tear a ligament, the sensations of healing, and the renewed strength of recovery. But I don't see how that process would work with how I think, what I experience, how others relate to me and I to them. As I said, I have found great benefit from participating on this forum, yet I still ache, deep down, perhaps more so now than I did before.

So, what is this healing of which you speak? Am I missing out on another thing that has helped others, yet eludes me?

Have you ever thought of friends and they suddenly call? It's THAT energy you can share. When you focus on anyone or anything, you send energy. I avoid people who just take energy and don't return it. I believe we're exchanging energy here. Does that help?

 

[qwerty]

It would be great if the athlete could a healer, but he has never been forced into facing the pain of rejection and is a blank inside - he has nothing to give and help with. That has to come from a place of deep wrestling and seeking real identity and peace. His identity is given to him by his hero worshippers and it is shallow and a false image - thus the emptiness in his own eyes.

many people believe that through perfecting physical balance one must also perfect a balance of mind, i personally think the athlete would be the better healer.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I went through all the fad health kicks. I ended up with expensive pee. I had the luck of being referred to an old school Traditional Chinese Herbalist who born raised and trained in Hong Kong. He was also a Buddhist priest, Martial artist & Qi Gung master. I have crawled into his office and walked out 30 min later for 20 years. I'VE EXPERIENCED ENERGY IN ACTION. Unfortunately, I don't believe anyone can be raised in the west can easily conceive this concept. Master Hilton Tam moved back to Hong Kong. Now Instead of receiving nutrient rich herbs and life force building energy...I'm getting nuked , drugged and drained. I WISH the world would come together and take the best out of all 200+ medical art forms and USE IT! Western medicine is the youngest medical art form. It is amazing for trauma and many other benefits. Eastern medicine is about preventative maintenance.

 

[Professori]

I went through all the fad health kicks. I ended up with expensive pee. I had the luck of being referred to an old school Traditional Chinese Herbalist who born raised and trained in Hong Kong. He was also a Buddhist priest, Martial artist & Qi Gung master. I have crawled into his office and walked out 30 min later for 20 years. I'VE EXPERIENCED ENERGY IN ACTION. Unfortunately, I don't believe anyone can be raised in the west can easily conceive this concept. Master Hilton Tam moved back to Hong Kong. Now Instead of receiving nutrient rich herbs and life force building energy...I'm getting nuked , drugged and drained. I WISH the world would come together and take the best out of all 200+ medical art forms and USE IT! Western medicine is the youngest medical art form. It is amazing for trauma and many other benefits. Eastern medicine is about preventative maintenance.

Western medicine is driven by the profit motive and therefore the intention will always be to sell as much as possible, and not necessarily to research and seek what is best for patients. The whole of the Western medical profession has been turned into something pretty negative since profiteering became the primary driving force.

This is one of the reasons why I introduced the thought of the 'Wounded Healer' - simply because if one has been through a great deal, either physically or mentally, and is on the road to recovery, or has recovered to a certain extent, then that very experience is what provides the basis for possibly helping others.

So, because one has been 'wounded', those wounds allow one to help others much more readily. Having a sympathetic ear and giving advice in this way is a source of 'healing' for those who benefit. Often this type of healing is far better than the cold, hard medical advice and medication given by the medical profession.

Seems that you have experienced this?