Wounded Healer

[Maelstrom]

I sort of thought what Professori ,was talking about is how failed memories of human relations get internalized....and eat away at your soul as you remember those bad events over and over and over again.
I had trouble with all my bad school memories eating away at me....I finally had to burn my yearbooks and sort of bury the past....put it in Gods hands, let dead memories stay dead.

I now try to remember to give grace for human stupidity if I can and just tell my self the other person had a bad day and didn't mean it, and let it go.
Most of the time it works and it makes for a happier life in general, some times you run into people who try to sprinkle steak sauce on your leg and treat it like a snack bar. Time to find a new place to be away from them.

On healing I try to teach the lessons I've learned if I see someone younger in the same spot hurting, it rarely works in the short term, but maybe somewhere down the road they will remember the advice.

Some care should be taken on fixing damaged people tho, my father a minister loves to do that, but he got a real bad one last time she nearly destroyed our entire family. Some people are like vampires they love being helped...they will love you to death literally, suck you dry and toss you aside without a second thought, when you have nothing left to give.
So when helping hurt people maintain certain Do not cross RED lines carefully, this much and no more. People with good hearts will respect that, the bad ones will try to decapitate you the first time you say no, all the love and friendship they said they had for you about will evaporate like dew in the sun.

 

[Professori]

I sort of thought what Professori ,was talking about is how failed memories of human relations get internalized....and eat away at your soul as you remember those bad events over and over and over again.
I had trouble with all my bad school memories eating away at me....I finally had to burn my yearbooks and sort of bury the past....put it in Gods hands, let dead memories stay dead.

I now try to remember to give grace for human stupidity if I can and just tell my self the other person had a bad day and didn't mean it, and let it go.
Most of the time it works and it makes for a happier life in general, some times you run into people who try to sprinkle steak sauce on your leg and treat it like a snack bar. Time to find a new place to be away from them.

On healing I try to teach the lessons I've learned if I see someone younger in the same spot hurting, it rarely works in the short term, but maybe somewhere down the road they will remember the advice.

Some care should be taken on fixing damaged people tho, my father a minister loves to do that, but he got a real bad one last time she nearly destroyed our entire family. Some people are like vampires they love being helped...they will love you to death literally, suck you dry and toss you aside without a second thought, when you have nothing left to give.
So when helping hurt people maintain certain Do not cross RED lines carefully, this much and no more. People with good hearts will respect that, the bad ones will try to decapitate you the first time you say no, all the love and friendship they said they had for you about will evaporate like dew in the sun.

Great thoughts! Increasingly today we find that there are those who tend to be parasites because of how they suck others dry by using their 'brokenness' as an excuse to continually lean on the mercy that is provided. They are the ones who clearly need to be asked 'Do you want to get well?' because they actually make their 'disability' or brokenness their friend and then use it to get help from others. They do not want to get well but rather use and abuse others through it.

I am not talking about those who really struggle with their issues, but those who deliberately use it to their advantage, just as you have mentioned.

The terrible life experiences which cause so much pain and suffering are the ones which cause the wounds in us, and deep within the psyche they will always be remembered, even though we think that we have moved on. Those wounds that we work through help us to grow. But all of these tend to leave us with a 'limp' - in other words, our wounds, brokenness and scars have a permanent effect on us and result in a permanent change in our lives and even behaviour.

However, I have always said that I will never trust anyone who walks without a limp in life (metaphorically) because those are the people would not have experienced deep suffering and pain, or they repress their pain and brokenness, and never work at inner healing. So, they cannot relate to those who are suffering, and the 'advice' that they tend to give will be lacking any feeling, sympathy or empathy. Instead they will be arrogant and unfeeling and give advice along the lines of 'why don't you just snap out of it?'.

This is the paradox: if people in general could just stop and think about it a little, they would realise that Aspies can offer them a great deal of help with their struggles because generally, Aspies have suffered much more than others. It is because of this suffering that they should have greater insight into the pain of others and can offer great advice to anyone who struggles with life issues.

Are there any Aspies out there who walk without a limp?

 

[Maelstrom]

Great thoughts! Increasingly today we find that there are those who tend to be parasites because of how they suck others dry by using their 'brokenness' as an excuse to continually lean on the mercy that is provided. They are the ones who clearly need to be asked 'Do you want to get well?' because they actually make their 'disability' or brokenness their friend and then use it to get help from others. They do not want to get well but rather use and abuse others through it.

I am not talking about those who really struggle with their issues, but those who deliberately use it to their advantage, just as you have mentioned.

The terrible life experiences which cause so much pain and suffering are the ones which cause the wounds in us, and deep within the psyche they will always be remembered, even though we think that we have moved on. Those wounds that we work through help us to grow. But all of these tend to leave us with a 'limp' - in other words, our wounds, brokenness and scars have a permanent effect on us and result in a permanent change in our lives and even behaviour.

However, I have always said that I will never trust anyone who walks without a limp in life (metaphorically) because those are the people would not have experienced deep suffering and pain, or they repress their pain and brokenness, and never work at inner healing. So, they cannot relate to those who are suffering, and the 'advice' that they tend to give will be lacking any feeling, sympathy or empathy. Instead they will be arrogant and unfeeling and give advice along the lines of 'why don't you just snap out of it?'.

This is the paradox: if people in general could just stop and think about it a little, they would realise that Aspies can offer them a great deal of help with their struggles because generally, Aspies have suffered much more than others. It is because of this suffering that they should have greater insight into the pain of others and can offer great advice to anyone who struggles with life issues.

Are there any Aspies out there who walk without a limp?

I agree with your sentiments Professori ,it is good for ones soul to feel empathy for other peoples struggles in life. Just be a little careful when helping, some wounded animals will bite your hand off, but it is still good to try to help when you think it may work.
I do not agree that aspies lack empathy, I think we just fail to express it well sometimes.

 

[Jusdifferent]

"So when helping hurt people maintain certain Do not cross RED lines carefully, this much and no more. People with good hearts will respect that, the bad ones will try to decapitate you the first time you say no, all the love and friendship they said they had for you about will evaporate like dew in the sun."

Oh, that so very true! Wise words, Mael <3

 

[Maelstrom]

"So when helping hurt people maintain certain Do not cross RED lines carefully, this much and no more. People with good hearts will respect that, the bad ones will try to decapitate you the first time you say no, all the love and friendship they said they had for you about will evaporate like dew in the sun."

Oh, that so very true! Wise words, Mael <3

Hi Jusdifferent ,I haven't seen you around for a long time I hope you are doing well.

 

[Jusdifferent]

Hey, Mael - Good to see you about, too <3 *We relocated, ( work ), from BC., Canada, down to the US prairies, ( MinnDak region ).

BTW : That >>> "Some people are like vampires they love being helped...they will love you to death literally, suck you dry and toss you aside without a second thought, when you have nothing left to give." >>> was probably one of the best analogies I have ever heard. *I once knew someone like that, ( Father-in-law )... He was so... ( Searching for a word...) "Toxic"??? Just being in the same room with him for too long, left you feeling absolutely drained - like you needed a hot shower, and a long nap Yes, sadly, I know exactly what you mean.

 

[Maelstrom]

Hey, Mael - Good to see you about, too <3 *We relocated, ( work ), from BC., Canada, down to the US prairies, ( MinnDak region ).

BTW : That >>> "Some people are like vampires they love being helped...they will love you to death literally, suck you dry and toss you aside without a second thought, when you have nothing left to give." >>> was probably one of the best analogies I have ever heard. *I once knew someone like that, ( Father-in-law )... He was so... ( Searching for a word...) "Toxic"??? Just being in the same room with him for too long, left you feeling absolutely drained - like you needed a hot shower, and a long nap Yes, sadly, I know exactly what you mean.

Hi Jusdifferent Different ,I hope you are happier in your new place.
My sympathies on the people Vampire thing Jusdifferent ....my insights on that front were learned the hard way, I am still trying to repair damage in my life. I don't think I will ever see the world the same since that bunch chewed me up. I don't see how a person can swear true love or friendship and turn around the next moment and be looking for ways to ruin you. It is not something my mind can handle, the lack of natural empathy in it makes me ill.
Maybe that is what real sociopaths are, they just have no real way to measure the violations and damage they cause, because they only see the now moment....no real long term friendship empathy bond exists in their heads.
Empathy is actually maybe the best way to measure people in life...not everyone shows it the same, but a kind heart covers allot of sins in life.

My best wishes to you Jusdifferent , Mael

 

[Jusdifferent]

"Are there any Aspies out there who walk without a limp?" Nope, sorry. Other than a friendly "cyber-pat" on the shoulder, I am of no help. I limp along, too. *It's not just the users, and abusers, to be honest, the whole noisy, confusing NT world has left me so bruised and battered, that I usually refuse to interact, except on a purely "business", or very superficial level. ( IOW : I choose to no longer interact, as a rule, on a personal level, unless it is someone that I know is "safe", or the rare person that I have some "chemistry" with. ) Honestly, it's just too painful, too troublesome, and ultimately too disappointing. I smile, nod, and say "hello", because that's what's expected, but I quickly go on, and don't engage. A coward's attitude? Perhaps. But, I have just been "bit and burned" too much in life, and I can honestly say that I no longer have the drive/urge to "put myself out there". I also, no longer feel the need to try and "pass", ( as NT/"normal" ). Besides, I am in my 40's, now, and I have epilepsy, so I kinda have to choose where I put my energy and effort ( Personally, it takes a LOT of energy and effort to try and be something you're not. ) I used to feel like the proverbial "ugly duck", who everyday, upon waking, would slip into her "swan costume", and go out into the world, and give it her all. As the years passed, the "swan costume" became more and more heavy, and constricting. One particularly traumatic dayI "burned my swan costume", bought myself a t-shirt that reads "This is what autism looks like", and never looked back And, in modern vernacular - that's just how I roll theses days.