Wounded Healer

[tachyon]

Has anyone considered the reality of being a wounded healer? Life and people wound us incessantly. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and hurt, even shame, then our inner darkness can neither be illuminated or become a light for others. We end up clinging to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with our lack of acceptance and hurt when what we should do is let go. When we dare to live as those who acknowledge the reality of hurt and brokenness and the reasons for it, vulnerable in the endless search for 'healing' and share this with others, then we become wounded healers. The wounded healer implies that grace and healing are communicated through the vulnerability of those who have been fractured and heartbroken by life. The fact is that in true love's service (yes, true love), only wounded healers can serve and benefit. Being tight, aggressive, angry, withdrawn only keeps one in a small world of self.
Let me give you a picture of one man who is a magnificently chiselled athlete, six foot-three, 185 pounds, twenty-two years old, and who has won 8 gold Olympic medals. He is a dazzling display of co-ordination, agility and grace, and the the crowds love him. Meanwhile, one of his attendants approaches with a glass of water. In his early fifties, he is five-foot-four and paunchy. He wears a rumpled shirt, open at the collar, tie askew. He has a thinning sliver of matted hair and is unshaven. His bulbous jowls and glass eye cause the spectators to look away and speak of him in contempt - pathetic little twerp.
However, behind his glossy delivery, the athelte's vacant stare reveals that the exterior does not inhabit his soul. Stardom has eroded his true self and left him an image of who everyone else wants him to be. But the attendant is at peace with himself, has found a deep inner healing, moves through crowds which despise him with peace and confidence, as comfortable as a hand in a glove in his servant role. He understands himself deeply and is full of gracd and compassion for others.
Here is the rhetorical question: so, who is the wounded healer here?

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

 

[Professori]

Great thread!

To be a good healer, it takes looking very deeply into my own suffering to see what has brought it about, then embracing the suffering, as I invite the energy of mindfulness to transform the suffering into peace. (Whew!)

If it is others' treatment of me causing my suffering, I know that the others' suffering is spilling over. I then need to look deeply into the nature of the others' suffering, to awaken my compassion. Compassion is a peaceful place of strength and solidity.

No mud, no lotus. We all have mud. My challenges always give me gifts. I gain a lesson, I gain strength, and I gain the understanding to relate to, and tenderly care for others who may similarly suffer.
The warmth, caring, and tenderness is a very beautiful lotus.

Great insight and exactly what wounded healing means!

 

[Professori]

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

Is dit 'n vraag?

 

[watersprite]

Why does the healer require herself/himself to be of service (heal) others?
... Wounds will heal in time - often, quietly of their own accord.
... Why has the individual labeled herself/himself a healer?
... Does the healer need the wounded?

 

[tachyon]

Is dit 'n vraag?

Es war keine frage mein freund

 

[Professori]

Why does the healer require herself/himself to be of service (heal) others?
... Wounds will heal in time - often, quietly of their own accord.
... Why has the individual labeled herself/himself a healer?
... Does the healer need the wounded?

Assisting in healing others in this way always leads to a process of healing within oneself.
Psycho-emotional wounds usually do not heal of their own accord, they need attention to be healed, and will usually be healed by others (healers). Otherwise they become worse.
No labels, given or taken - you are or you aren't.
Yes, to be healed, one must also be involved in healing.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Wounds will heal in time - often, quietly of their own accord.

This is not necessarily so, in my experience. It's very possible to live in denial of a deep wound as it festers and oozes and poisons all relationships. Then it only gets worse, and never better. Some wounds can heal on their own, but others require intervention and focused, skilled attention.

Does the healer need the wounded?

Good point. If the "healer" is attempting to heal others in order to satisfy the "healer's" needs, then I suspect it's not healing at all, but rather rescuing and co-dependence.

 

[Professori]

Es war keine frage mein freund

Maar dis nie 'n vraag what ek kan antwoord nie want dit maak nie sin nie.

 

[watersprite]

One must sometimes heal one's own self without the help of another. The festering and painful wound can heal if exposed to the surface and faced squarely. There is probably a certain amount of intelligence required to do so.

In this process, one matures and cannot go back to one's former 'psychological appearance' but must accept and participate ... Take Action... in the going on of the life journey.

I've noticed humans are strongly encouraged by others to lean on certain types of organizations & group-think which allows them to actually bury the injury and become mired in 'misery loves company' rather than stepping into the healing journey.

 

[tachyon]

Es tut mir leid, aber mir macht es sinn (die frage) - Oder vielicht die aussage

 

[Professori]

One must sometimes heal one's own self without the help of another. The festering and painful wound can heal if exposed to the surface and faced squarely. There is probably a certain amount of intelligence required to do so.

In this process, one matures and cannot go back to one's former 'psychological appearance' but must accept and participate ... Take Action... in the going on of the life journey.

I've noticed humans are strongly encouraged by others to lean on certain types of organizations & group-think which allows them to actually bury the injury and become mired in 'misery loves company' rather than stepping into the healing journey.

Those are very good points. The last point certainly is a trap. Just because one is wounded does not mean the wounds should become a friend.

 

[Jusdifferent]

Has anyone considered the reality of being a wounded healer? Life and people wound us incessantly. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and hurt, even shame, then our inner darkness can neither be illuminated or become a light for others. We end up clinging to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with our lack of acceptance and hurt when what we should do is let go. When we dare to live as those who acknowledge the reality of hurt and brokenness and the reasons for it, vulnerable in the endless search for 'healing' and share this with others, then we become wounded healers. The wounded healer implies that grace and healing are communicated through the vulnerability of those who have been fractured and heartbroken by life. The fact is that in true love's service (yes, true love), only wounded healers can serve and benefit. Being tight, aggressive, angry, withdrawn only keeps one in a small world of self.
Let me give you a picture of one man who is a magnificently chiselled athlete, six foot-three, 185 pounds, twenty-two years old, and who has won 8 gold Olympic medals. He is a dazzling display of co-ordination, agility and grace, and the the crowds love him. Meanwhile, one of his attendants approaches with a glass of water. In his early fifties, he is five-foot-four and paunchy. He wears a rumpled shirt, open at the collar, tie askew. He has a thinning sliver of matted hair and is unshaven. His bulbous jowls and glass eye cause the spectators to look away and speak of him in contempt - pathetic little twerp.
However, behind his glossy delivery, the athelte's vacant stare reveals that the exterior does not inhabit his soul. Stardom has eroded his true self and left him an image of who everyone else wants him to be. But the attendant is at peace with himself, has found a deep inner healing, moves through crowds which despise him with peace and confidence, as comfortable as a hand in a glove in his servant role. He understands himself deeply and is full of gracd and compassion for others.
Here is the rhetorical question: so, who is the wounded healer here?

"Blessed are the 'cracked' - for they let in the light."

 

[qwerty]

i have seen a lot of people who would definitely consider themselves 'wounded healers' in my years
working in the addiction field and have seen many people develop very unhealthy attachments to
each other trying to do this symbiotic healing.

to keep with the analogy, the wounded healers had best be careful they do not bleed out while
trying to heal each others wounds.

say one has a broken leg the other a broken arm, the chap with the broken arm tries to heal the chap with the broken leg by putting bandages on his arm and vise versa.

"dr heal thyself".

i do see how through our own suffering, our awareness of the suffering of others is increased,
people are funny though and have very complicated reactions to suffering.
some people might think the way to cope with their suffering is by making the
suffering of another greater than their own etc

 

[AngieBeara]

I was solo healer for my late husband for 11mths. He died from lung cancer 3/3/10. I was depleted mind, body, spirit & finacial. I was 30 lbs under weight. seizures, toothpain, backache, etc... I rocked in a chair for 4wks listening to music. Then the boxer puppy which my husband and I decided we would get if we were to get another dog... came my way!! Einstein the boxer saved my life!!!! He juiced me up!! Took bee pollen & carrot juice. Got better. I'm stronger than I've ever been. It's worth the suffering. Stay open...what you need will come... It won't be anything you expect.

I like the way you said stay open what you need will come and that what comes your way will come you way and you need to be strong for that i aspire you. you are a true healer just my opinion. others might think differently. if anybody needs a coach i would be so happy to have a coach like you to help me get through my illness and rough days to get better and become stronger everyday that I too will be a healer someday like you!

 

[grommet]

Has anyone considered the reality of being a wounded healer? Life and people wound us incessantly. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and hurt, even shame, then our inner darkness can neither be illuminated or become a light for others. We end up clinging to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with our lack of acceptance and hurt when what we should do is let go. When we dare to live as those who acknowledge the reality of hurt and brokenness and the reasons for it, vulnerable in the endless search for 'healing' and share this with others, then we become wounded healers. The wounded healer implies that grace and healing are communicated through the vulnerability of those who have been fractured and heartbroken by life. The fact is that in true love's service (yes, true love), only wounded healers can serve and benefit. Being tight, aggressive, angry, withdrawn only keeps one in a small world of self.
Let me give you a picture of one man who is a magnificently chiselled athlete, six foot-three, 185 pounds, twenty-two years old, and who has won 8 gold Olympic medals. He is a dazzling display of co-ordination, agility and grace, and the the crowds love him. Meanwhile, one of his attendants approaches with a glass of water. In his early fifties, he is five-foot-four and paunchy. He wears a rumpled shirt, open at the collar, tie askew. He has a thinning sliver of matted hair and is unshaven. His bulbous jowls and glass eye cause the spectators to look away and speak of him in contempt - pathetic little twerp.
However, behind his glossy delivery, the athelte's vacant stare reveals that the exterior does not inhabit his soul. Stardom has eroded his true self and left him an image of who everyone else wants him to be. But the attendant is at peace with himself, has found a deep inner healing, moves through crowds which despise him with peace and confidence, as comfortable as a hand in a glove in his servant role. He understands himself deeply and is full of gracd and compassion for others.
Here is the rhetorical question: so, who is the wounded healer here?

You are proselytizing. Also, you are making many assertions that are not logical and do not allow for an alternate point of view on any of them.

A literal wound or what kind? We are not victims and as we receive injury we naturally heal or carry it and also bruise others and other things. That is the way a population exists and is neither good or bad but a result of numbers of individuals living in proximity.

Life is not sentient , it is not a thing that can be anthropomorphized except for the sake of metaphor. Light is not spiritual, it is an event.

I think the thrust of what you said is that we are injured and that is bad but you have found a way and we should follow. That is proselytizing. I suggest people re-read with a critical eye what you said.

Your description of Michael Phelps isn't accurate either, he does not have a chiseled physique. His genetics leave him with a softer muscular appearance even in his best conditioning. Also, Michael Phelps is an actual person but you blend him with a person who without segue making it clear you are now not talking about a real person, talk about an older man who has qualities you think are important. I find that misleading.

Using "wounded healer" without the prefix of explaining that it is a term you or some others use, tries to give the term normalcy and moving on quickly can be a distraction so people might not notice that they have not decided yet whether they agree with this idea. It seems to me that most of what you wrote goes on like that, without establishing veracity or the possibility that these are ideas to be considered, the writing goes on as if an authority on the subject is speaking and is to be trusted.

Critical thinking does not allow this kind of poetry, though poetry if it is made clear that it is poetry, does.

Unless you substantiate more the premises you put forth I have to pull from the vocabulary of critical thinking and say, this is woo.

 

[qwerty]

You are proselytizing. Also, you are making many assertions that are not logical and do not allow for an alternate point of view on any of them.

A literal wound or what kind? We are not victims and as we receive injury we naturally heal or carry it and also bruise others and other things. That is the way a population exists and is neither good or bad but a result of numbers of individuals living in proximity.

Life is a not sentient, it is not a thing that can be anthropomorphized except for the sake of metaphor. Light is not spiritual, it is an event.

I think the thrust of what you said is that we are injured and that is bad but you have found a way and we should follow. That is proselytizing. I suggest people re-read with a critical eye what you said.

Your description of Michael Phelps isn't accurate either, he does not have a chiseled physique. His genetics leave him with a softer muscular appearance even in his best conditioning. Also, Michael Phelps is an actual person but you blend him with a person who without segue making it clear you are now not talking about a real person, talk about an older man who has qualities you think are important. I find that misleading.

Using "wounded healer" without the prefix of explaining that it is a term you or some others use, tries to give the term normalcy and moving on quickly can be a distraction so people might not notice that they have not decided yet whether they agree with this idea. It seems to me that most of what you wrote goes on like that, without establishing veracity or the possibility that these are ideas to be considered, the writing goes on as if an authority on the subject is speaking and is to be trusted.

Critical thinking does not allow this kind of poetry, though poetry if it is made clear that it is poetry, does.

Unless you substantiate more the premises you put forth I have to pull from the vocabulary of critical thinking and say, this is woo.

can you see that you kinda did the same thing, "you are making many assertions that are not logical and do not allow for an alternate point of view on any of them"

i look at the positive responses to this thread and although i don't agree entirely, i can
appreciate that other people do and that other people have the comprehension
to assess what they take from this for themselves.

critical thinking works more effectively if you try to see the 'problem'
you are trying to resolve as objectively as possible.

 

[Professori]

You are proselytizing. Also, you are making many assertions that are not logical and do not allow for an alternate point of view on any of them.

A literal wound or what kind? We are not victims and as we receive injury we naturally heal or carry it and also bruise others and other things. That is the way a population exists and is neither good or bad but a result of numbers of individuals living in proximity.

Life is a not sentient, it is not a thing that can be anthropomorphized except for the sake of metaphor. Light is not spiritual, it is an event.

I think the thrust of what you said is that we are injured and that is bad but you have found a way and we should follow. That is proselytizing. I suggest people re-read with a critical eye what you said.

Your description of Michael Phelps isn't accurate either, he does not have a chiseled physique. His genetics leave him with a softer muscular appearance even in his best conditioning. Also, Michael Phelps is an actual person but you blend him with a person who without segue making it clear you are now not talking about a real person, talk about an older man who has qualities you think are important. I find that misleading.

Using "wounded healer" without the prefix of explaining that it is a term you or some others use, tries to give the term normalcy and moving on quickly can be a distraction so people might not notice that they have not decided yet whether they agree with this idea. It seems to me that most of what you wrote goes on like that, without establishing veracity or the possibility that these are ideas to be considered, the writing goes on as if an authority on the subject is speaking and is to be trusted.

Critical thinking does not allow this kind of poetry, though poetry if it is made clear that it is poetry, does.

Unless you substantiate more the premises you put forth I have to pull from the vocabulary of critical thinking and say, this is woo.

Just take it at face value, don't read between the lines, and by all means read it with a critical eye - then reject it, accept it, or ignore it. This is a written as a hypothetical case, meant to ask how people in general deal with hurt/pain/psycho-emotional distress, etc. Goodness knows we need people who are prepared to take what they have learned from their own pain and use it to help others.

 

[grommet]

can you see that you kinda did the same thing, "you are making many assertions that are not logical and do not allow for an alternate point of view on any of them"

i look at the positive responses to this thread and although i don't agree entirely, i can
appreciate that other people do and that other people have the comprehension
to assess what they take from this for themselves.

critical thinking works more effectively if you try to see the 'problem'
you are trying to resolve as objectively as possible.

I agree with the last thing you said, the only way critical thinking works is to proceed that way. That is what makes critical thinking difficult.

I felt compelled to write because of the first thing you said, that people are agreeing. I am not right nor is the original poster wrong but what is actually being said and agreed to? Selling is convincing people there is a need and offering something that will fulfill it. What is wrong with being injured? Must it be something we live without? Why does this person (as it appears to me) have the solution? How did they come to this knowledge and what exactly is it?

It all sounds soft, flowing from unsubstantiated certitude to metaphor and glowing terms. I worry about this because people buy "energy bracelets" and "balancing bracelets" and people go on "cleansing" diets to removes "toxins". I apologize for the need of all those quotation marks but they are essential because these things are not real and can do real harm.

I do not have the answers and will be swayed by a good argument but I don't see one being made by the OP. Instead it seems motivational but also somehow making solid claims. The former is alright but the latter requires explanation. I like the people here. I don't want people mislead. A good feeling can be a good thing but starting to be devotional based on only a good feeling can lead to trouble.

I think your comments are very poignant and thank you for making them.

 

[qwerty]

I agree with the last thing you said, the only way critical thinking works is to proceed that way. That is what makes critical thinking difficult.

I felt compelled to write because of the first thing you said, that people are agreeing. I am not right nor is the original poster wrong but what is actually being said and agreed to? Selling is convincing people there is a need and offering something that will fulfill it. What is wrong with being injured? Must it be something we live without? Why does this person (as it appears to me) have the solution? How did they come to this knowledge and what exactly is it?

It all sounds soft, flowing from unsubstantiated certitude to metaphor and glowing terms. I worry about this because people buy "energy bracelets" and "balancing bracelets" and people go on "cleansing" diets to removes "toxins". I apologize for the need of all those quotation marks but they are essential because these things are not real and can do real harm.

I do not have the answers and will be swayed by a good argument but I don't see one being made by the OP. Instead it seems motivational but also somehow making solid claims. The former is alright but the latter requires explanation. I like the people here. I don't want people mislead. A good feeling can be a good thing but starting to be devotional based on only a good feeling can lead to trouble.

I think your comments are very poignant and thank you for making them.

oh i understand what you are getting at, i just don't agree that people are as ignorant
of the stuff you are talking about. i respect their intelligence enough to see the whole
picture and make up there own minds, infer their own meaning from the post.

i also disagree with you, i believe you are letting the emotional reaction of feeling
'tricked' or 'misled' to muddy your objectivity. i think you are doing what you are
accusing the op of too, in that you have an absolute view and are attempting to
get people to agree with it.

subjective truths are just as important.

 

[grommet]

i also disagree with you, i believe you are letting the emotional reaction of feeling
'tricked' or 'misled' to muddy your objectivity. i think you are doing what you are
accusing the op of too, in that you have an absolute view and are attempting to
get people to agree with it.

I fear you may be right, in fact I think you are right. It is wonderful to talk with intelligent people.