Would I be better or more miserable if I admit I will accept I will never have a girlfriend?

[mw2530]

New York city.

NYC! There are probably tons of single women in NYC regardless of age. In NYC you probably have virtually an unlimited amount of meetups with literally any hobby or interest. By all means, I am not saying it is easy at all, but there most certainly are 100 of thousands of singles. I oftentimes wish I lived in a bigger city and still wonder if I should move because I feel like I have few dating options in my area since I am in my 30's. It is very difficult to find social events to go to where there are many people around my age. I feel trapped and hopeless about this. I feel like I will have virtually no choices in potential partners at this point and it is quite depressing.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yeah I hate being born male at times and I would not mind being born a woman again if I had to be born again in a different life just because being born a woman basically means you're guaranteed attention and options from the other sex

 

[Tony Ramirez]

NYC! There are probably tons of single women in NYC regardless of age. In NYC you probably have virtually an unlimited amount of meetups with literally any hobby or interest. By all means, I am not saying it is easy at all, but there most certainly are 100 of thousands of singles. I oftentimes wish I lived in a bigger city and still wonder if I should move because I feel like I have few dating options in my area since I am in my 30's. It is very difficult to find social events to go to where there are many people around my age. I feel trapped and hopeless about this. I feel like I will have virtually no choices in potential partners at this point and it is quite depressing.

It's not all hyped up as you make it sound like. First the Meetup. You think there are many but I looked up Meetup for singles and there are none. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Except virtual which would be just a couple of men. As for the single women they must be living in their apartments not going out because when I go out all I spot are couples, couples and more couples and their children. Then you know most women I talk to are taken. So don't believe the hype. You are most likely better off in a small town where you live then in this big useless city.

 

[Kalinychta]

Too tell the honest truth, all the social places including church, yoga and park social I have not encountered those type of women. They have all been mostly slim or minor heavy, mostly attractive, all college graduates and all employed.

So, not good matches for you, right? See what I’m saying? You’re seeking out women who are unlikely to be interested in you, and then you lapse into depression when this is exactly how it plays out.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I'll Never forget a statement this one woman said to me years ago, she tried to set me up with someone but it didn't work out but thinking about the comment she said to me still makes me angry to this day and likely will forever

 

[Kalinychta]

Too tell the honest truth, all the social places including church, yoga and park social I have not encountered those type of women. They have all been mostly slim or minor heavy, mostly attractive, all college graduates and all employed.

Ooo, I just thought of something you could do. Since you’re getting interested in fitness and weight loss, why don’t you start going to a gym or a program for people who are trying to get healthy and lose weight? You should be able to find a ton of those in NYC. But you could make a friend there, and support each other perhaps.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I think Tony said that his sister has never dated or never had a boyfriend but yes I do remember you describing the type of autism she has but I wonder if she has ever expressed desire for one

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Ooo, I just thought of something you could do. Since you’re getting interested in fitness and weight loss, why don’t you start going to a gym or a program for people who are trying to get healthy and lose weight? You should be able to find a ton of those in NYC. But you could make a friend there, and support each other perhaps.

I do go to a gym but even there the women, even the more bigger ones ignore me. Matter of fact my gym is so anti social. No one talks to anyone. But whenever I did see women alone eventually there stupid boyfriend or husband would show up. Even there. Otherwise, they all wear earbuds and ignore each other. It's quite depressing. I been going much less because of this.

 

[Kalinychta]

I do go to a gym but even there the women, even the more bigger ones ignore me. Matter of fact my gym is so anti social. No one talks to anyone. They all wear earbuds and ignore each other. It's quite depressing. I been going much less because of this.

Nobody really talks to each other in gyms anywhere, that’s true. You’d have to get involved in an actual program where people work together and support each other. I bet you could find a whole bunch of those in Brooklyn.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yeah I apologize for bringing your sister into this it's just that when you disclosed to me about your sister I was kind of surprised because I've long been under the impression that being born a woman means you are guaranteed to always have options for dating for simply just existing

 

[Misty Avich]

Yeah I apologize for bringing your sister into this it's just that when you disclosed to me about your sister I was kind of surprised because I've long been under the impression that being born a woman means you are guaranteed to always have options for dating for simply just existing

That is not true. While the chances of women on the spectrum finding a date is more than men on the spectrum, it still isn't definite, especially if the woman is more severely affected by autism.

I'm not saying these statistics are correct at all, it's just something I've made up as an example, but imagine the chances of autistic men succeeding in the dating world is something like 40% and the chances of autistic women succeeding in the dating world is something like 60%. That's probably roughly what it is, although these statistics are NOT proven or anything. It's just a way of explaining that it is not black and white, it's not like the chances of autistic women finding dates is 99% and the chances of autistic men finding dates is 1%.

But yes I do agree autistic women have just a bit more chance in the dating world, but I don't know why. On another autism website, some women with lots of issues including level 2 autism seem to find dates, NT guys who love and adore them. One found her date when she was sitting in the middle of a field!
OK, I know I'm married, but I'm less affected by ASD than what these women are, and I don't have things such as severe PTSD or alexithemia like they do. But just because those lucky autistic women found dates just for existing, doesn't mean it's true for all autistic women.

 

[Rodafina]

I've long been under the impression that being born a woman means you are guaranteed to always have options for dating for simply just existing

I suggest you challenge these irrational thoughts. Therapy might be helpful to you.

Cognitive Restructuring: Techniques and Examples

Cognitive restructuring refers to therapeutic techniques that help people notice and change their negative thinking patterns. Learn how it works and what to expect.

www.healthline.com

Cognitive restructuring: Steps, technique, and examples

Cognitive restructuring is a technique that involves changing unhelpful beliefs to improve mental health. Learn more about how it works.

www.medicalnewstoday.com

How to Manage Irrational Thoughts and Cognitive Distortions

We all have irrational thoughts from time to time. But what happens when they start affecting your mood and relationships? Here's what that could mean and how to cope.

psychcentral.com

Cognitive Restructuring: Socratic Questions | Worksheet | Therapist Aid

The term cognitive restructuring refers to the process of challenging, and changing, irrational thoughts. Socratic questioning is one technique to encourage...

www.therapistaid.com

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

That is not true. While the chances of women on the spectrum finding a date is more than men on the spectrum, it still isn't definite, especially if the woman is more severely affected by autism.

I'm not saying these statistics are correct at all, it's just something I've made up as an example, but imagine the chances of autistic men succeeding in the dating world is something like 40% and the chances of autistic women succeeding in the dating world is something like 60%. That's probably roughly what it is, although these statistics are NOT proven or anything. It's just a way of explaining that it is not black and white, it's not like the chances of autistic women finding dates is 99% and the chances of autistic men finding dates is 1%.

But yes I do agree autistic women have just a bit more chance in the dating world, but I don't know why. On another autism website, some women with lots of issues including level 2 autism seem to find dates, NT guys who love and adore them. One found her date when she was sitting in the middle of a field!
OK, I know I'm married, but I'm less affected by ASD than what these women are, and I don't have things such as severe PTSD or alexithemia like they do. But just because those lucky autistic women found dates just for existing, doesn't mean it's true for all autistic women.

Well since autism handicaps people socially it naturally makes sense it will affect men's dating lives more than women's dating lives due to how for all time men being expected to make the first move and do the pursuing

 

[Misty Avich]

Well since autism handicaps people socially it naturally makes sense it will affect men's dating lives more than women's dating lives due to how for all time men being expected to make the first move and do the pursuing

Yes, that's why it's easier for autistic women to date, but not so much where every autistic woman is definitely guaranteed to find a date. There are a lot of lonely, single autistic women who want a boyfriend.
Just lonely, single autistic men do outnumber their female counterparts, and it's not due to autism women being less likely to express it than autistic men. I don't think gender comes into it when it comes to expressing loneliness.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yes, that's why it's easier for autistic women to date, but not so much where every autistic woman is definitely guaranteed to find a date. There are a lot of lonely, single autistic women who want a boyfriend.
Just lonely, single autistic men do outnumber their female counterparts, and it's not due to autism women being less likely to express it than autistic men. I don't think gender comes into it when it comes to expressing loneliness.

A reminder of this comment or statement that I have always hated and I know I will hate it until the day I die and it does fill me with anger a lot, it is: " that's the way it is"

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I suggest you challenge these irrational thoughts. Therapy might be helpful to you.

Cognitive Restructuring: Techniques and Examples

Cognitive restructuring refers to therapeutic techniques that help people notice and change their negative thinking patterns. Learn how it works and what to expect.

www.healthline.com

Cognitive restructuring: Steps, technique, and examples

Cognitive restructuring is a technique that involves changing unhelpful beliefs to improve mental health. Learn more about how it works.

www.medicalnewstoday.com

How to Manage Irrational Thoughts and Cognitive Distortions

We all have irrational thoughts from time to time. But what happens when they start affecting your mood and relationships? Here's what that could mean and how to cope.

psychcentral.com

Cognitive Restructuring: Socratic Questions | Worksheet | Therapist Aid

The term cognitive restructuring refers to the process of challenging, and changing, irrational thoughts. Socratic questioning is one technique to encourage...

www.therapistaid.com

Cases like Tony just fill me with anger and a lot of rage and sadness too

 

[Rodafina]

fill me with anger and a lot of rage

This is something you could work on with a qualified mental health professional.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Cases like Tony just fill me with anger and a lot of rage and sadness too

Thanks. Now you know why I get so depressed at times and snap at people especially my family. It's not fair. I also believe if I was born a woman even with highly functional autism I would have a much better chance of not being single. Really it's much harder for men like me especially since I really don't think any women who are single who knew me and they are far and few between ever liked me romantically. They really most likely did not even tolirate me as a friend but only put up with me because every single on of them even to today will only hang out in groups when others get together. Never once solo with me. But this single guy named Kyle from church, the woman flock to they will hang out with him solo all the time even when he does not even have to ask. This is the exact reason why I never kissed a girl, dated or been in a relationship, ever.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yeah for the past couple years or so whenever I hear of someone reaching a certain age or a certain decade and that person has always been alone and always been single or never dated it makes me mad because it's a reminder that cases like that are male dominated.

Because that's not the way life is meant to be lived or experienced for a human being

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Thanks. Now you know why I get so depressed at times and snap at people especially my family. It's not fair. I also believe if I was born a woman even with highly functional autism I would have a much better chance of not being single. Really it's much harder for men like me especially since I really don't think any women who are single who knew me and they are far and few between ever liked me romantically. They really most likely did not even tolirate me as a friend but only put up with me because every single on of them even to today will only hang out in groups when others get together. Never once solo with me. But this single guy named Kyle from church, the woman flock to they will hang out with him solo all the time even when he does not even have to ask. This is the exact reason why I never kissed a girl, dated or been in a relationship, ever.

How do the women flock to him since women normally never make advances on men even if they really like the guy or are already attracted to him