Wish he realized he doesn't need to win every argument

[PinkPenguin29]

Could it be that he does this because he is actually just good at this and it sort of keeps him going and so on? Like I have no idea about anything, but maybe he gets frustrated with his job or whatever, but then he looks forward to defeating people on the internet so he can feel better

I know that I am ultra bad at things others find easy, but then I am ultra good at some things that others find hard, which I can’t find a way to apply to anything useful, so it makes me feel better about myself being able to defeat people online, even if it is just that lose interest and walk away. It has made me feel better about myself to debate people in the past, but there really is this element of I am so good at debating certain topics that others really can’t debate me. I even purposely have left holes in my arguments just waiting for someone to point them out so someone will debate me, but no one notices these holes, or they just lose interest and walk away, which leaves me with the perception that no one can debate me.



I agree, but there is an evolutionary reason for this too. Like the alpha male silverback gorilla at the top tends to mate with many females and he is respected and feared

I just have this intuitive sense that you should tread very lightly on this issue I guess. I just suspect that it’s a lot more than an annoying habit going on that is driving him.

It does make him feel better, and later that night me pointing out what I noticed, if he'd acknowledged what I said, it would of also made him wrong to whoever he was arguing with. For someone who is hardly ever wrong, probably bruised his ego, and if we were in normal times, perhaps he wouldn't be so angry

 

[Jumpback]

It does make him feel better, and later that night me pointing out what I noticed, if he'd acknowledged what I said, it would of also made him wrong to whoever he was arguing with. For someone who is hardly ever wrong, probably bruised his ego, and if we were in normal times, perhaps he wouldn't be so angry

My understanding of such things might be off, and I might be talking out of my ass, but my interpretation of gorilla behavior is that if some male gorilla challenges the in control male silverback gorilla and wins, they get to have intercourse with many female gorillas and be almost a complete dictator and all the other gorillas respect and fear them. But if they lose the fight with the silverback gorilla in charge, the get kicked out and have to go live on their own with no social group or anything

There are elements of the same things with female gorillas, but establishing dominance in gorilla males is much more important than it is for female gorillas.

It’s just that my intuition is that you better be really careful, because there is this huge can of worms that is driving him. Probably he’ll just lose interest in doing this so much if his job situation gets better and so on

There is supposed to be this thing about feminine wiles which I have no idea what they are or if autistic spectrum women can work out what they are ;0), but I really do suspect that there is a whole lot behind his behavior that is much more complicated than it might seem

 

[Aspychata]

Think we are going way off base. I don't think its planet of the apes yet in this situation. But granted being a female ape, sound effects added, lol, how about you sit him down and ask him how his stress levels are and if he feels overwhelmed. Then we can release the apes or the dinosaurs or the greyhounds or the monster trucks........ This particular post had me screaming with ape laughter sounds today. I am still trying to figure out how we jumped to apes and other things.....

 

[Jumpback]

Think we are going way of base. I don't think its planet of the apes yet in this situation. But granted being a female ape, sound effects added, lol, how about you sit him down and ask him how his stress levels are and if he feels overwhelmed. Then we can release the apes or the dinosaurs or the greyhounds or the monster trucks........ This particular post had me screaming with ape laughter sounds today. I am still trying to figure out how we jumped to apes and other things.....

It’s all me about distracting things towards apes. I don’t know, this is just what my mind jumps to, I see a guy arguing online and silverback gorillas and ape troop behavior is just what occurs to me to think about. I like it when people correct me, because I don’t know when I am being helpful and when I am starting to become full of it.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

I would like to thank everyone for their input! I feel like I have a few more tools in my toolbox. Right now the issue has resolved, and I believe we will handle it better next time something like this occurs.
Should this completely become an Ape debate, I sincerely wouldn't mind

 

[Jumpback]

I would like to thank everyone for their input! I feel like I have a few more tools in my toolbox. Right now the issue has resolved, and I believe we will handle it better next time something like this occurs.
Should this completely become an Ape debate, I sincerely wouldn't mind

I don't think that I am exactly wrong, but I think that I probably was overstating the ape/human connection

But whatever the case may be, if you think of him as acting like some ridiculous planet of the apes gorilla when he starts doing this, it might be easier to laugh it off as a man just being a ridiculous man

I kind of feel like some things have got lost in the goal to make men and women more the same. Like a man being a dumbass man might have been things that women shared with other women over their fences in the 1930s or something.

Like in an ideal historical situation, you could just say like "yes dear, you are are very smart and clever" and then find a temporary sanctuary from all this by visiting the friendly neighbor lady until he got bored with patting himself on the back ;0)

 

[100skerls]

The behavior you describe kind of reminds me of people I’ve known who have BPD. I know there’s a lot of crossover between BPD and autism. He could be on the spectrum of course just personally reminds me of BPD. The folks I knew with BPD liked to “out expert” the experts. Like prove an actual doctor or lawyer wrong by knowing more (according to them). And they’d talk about it to me like “oh you should’ve seen this doctor when I proved him wrong he didn’t even know what to say”

 

[rollerskate]

I'm sorry, but I couldn't finish reading this because it is very triggering and almost made me cry for him. You do realize these behaviors are very unhealthy and potentially toxic, right? If he's not showing any signs of acknowledging some of this stuff is problematic and seeking some form of change from it, you need to start thinking about next steps which are not dependent on him agreeing with you about their necessity. You can either try to push him towards self realization or leave, but do please stop waiting. This doesn't sound like a situation that improves over time without some effort being made towards healing, communication, and cooperation.

As for the whole Facebook thing... that might actually be the key right there to it all, especially since you mentioned he's hyper-focusing on these discussions. We are like SPONGES. Get him around a bunch of angry, ranting egomaniacs, and sure enough he'll eventually become one, too.

When people spend long periods of time online, it changes the way they see reality. They get so deep into that online time, it starts messing with their perceptions and behavior in real life. Facebook in particular has been socially engineered to psychologically addict people and make them angry or otherwise upset because then they spend more time on the platform arguing.... and seeing ads... and giving Facebook more user data to mine and sell to other marketing companies.

Facebook has been repeatedly shamed for their business practices by governments and psych professionals alike. They were sued over the last election because they allowed the Russians to purchase a ton of ads which changed the entire direction of this country by making everyone afraid and angry at each other, the effects of which we are still seeing today.

What you're describing sounds a lot like a Facebook addiction, and yes, that is a real thing, as is Facebook depression. Facebook literally brainwashes people.

Fortunately, a ton of software companies are addressing this issue through releasing digital lifestyle apps that help you limit your daily screen time and keep tabs on how much time you're spending on your devices, as well as what you're doing while you're on them. If you can get him to commit to something like that, it will help him get over this IMMENSELY. But he does need another thing to focus on that grabs his attention and holds it. Just in case he's latched on to this as a special interest... it is easier to transition from that interest if we have something else to transition to. And it will likely take him longer to do it than you think you would take, so please be patient. <3