Why would a man use a lot of innuendo?

[Knit Hat]

@Knit Hat , but it is usually these self-involved guys that seem to get women to jump into bed with them when they take the bait. I knew one like that and both envied and hated him. Being an ethical person with interests and potential never got me that far for the longest time (far too long) to the point that I was going to give up on life, but finally a kind, accepting, woman noticed me.

That really is a shame. But, on the other hand, I'm glad to hear that you found someone!

 

[Jonn]

Could be he's attracted to you and shows it this way. If so he has very bad manners.

I beg to differ.
Flirting with someone is not "very bad manners".
Persisting when it is clear that it is not wanted, is.

 

[Jonn]

One, he's either shy and socially awkward,...using some sexual humor,...and does like you. Two, it's something else I can't put a finger on.

For most people, there is an instinctual desire to socialise for protection, simple emotional and material support, and to find a mate for the reproduction process.
I see nothing sinister in this.

Probably the best way to find out is simply engage him in conversation,...get to know him. If he feels he can relax around you, he may be more direct,...and use less awkward language.

Bingo!
We have a winner.

 

[Jonn]

The thing is he doesn't seem at all shy or awkward. I think he's a very confident guy.

I once tried to have a normal conversation but he seemed uninterested. Yet, he continues with his innuendos.

This suggests to me that he is simply being flirtatious.
If he has lascivious intentions or desires a relationship of some kind, he would have engaged with you when you gave him the opportunity.

I suggest you either tell him privately that his jokes make you feel uncomfortable, accept the attention as his way of validating your existence, or ignore the interaction in the future.
If you ignore him, he will get the message and probably stop doing it.
If he persists, you may need to be more explicit, but I doubt there will be a need.

 

[Jonn]

The toxic masculinity "pile-on" meter blipped into the red so I wanted to jump in and comment.

Speaking in generalities is only a problem when one purports that "all" people in a certain category think, feel, believe, etc the same.

Case in point: As evidenced in this very thread, not all women find innuendo amusing, alluring, etc and in fact some women find innuendo objectionable and offensive. Do all women find innuendo objectionable and offensive? Of course not and in fact we can assume that innuendo has been around for eons. Would it have such a longevity had it not been well received by at least a good number of women? Of course not.

Perhaps we (humans) would even be surprised at how often or by what number innuendo is actually well received by the women who are not offended by it. Think of comedy which is a reflection of life. Comedy is laden with innuendo. Would it be if only men thought it was funny and amusing? Of course not.

Take of poll of women who like the TV show "Friends". Joey is a beloved character on the show. My wife says Joey is her favorite character out of the three male lead characters. I know other women who say the same and the character Joey is based largely in innuendo. The "loveable cad" isn't new.

My point in all of this: Let's not label or place all blame squarely on men who use innuendo as being "the" problem. If innuendo had fallen flat eons ago and had been roundly rejected by many/most women, it wouldn't be around now. Takes two to tango. "Lemon out."

We have another winner!

 

[Jonn]

He sees you as a one dimensional person.

Vigorously disagree.
We don't really know his motivation.
It is all speculation, at this stage, though I haven't finished reading the entire thread.

 

[Jonn]

I was going to say something else, but it seems more likely that you unwittingly encouraged him. He thinks: if she laughed at one inuendo joke, then that gives permission to continue.

Agreed.
Why would he not feel encouraged after the laugh?

 

[Jonn]

I think he just means we ruminate too much in general. Which is true for some of us. I think if he had intentions, he would have made it clear. It maybe more friendly banter.
I had a gym guy who said hi, he works there. He said something nice, and l joked back. He's too nice to make a rude joke.

I don't think you comprehensively appreciate the concept of "flirtation".

Flirting​

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

​

Flirting is a fundamental fixture in humans’ sexual repertoire, a time-honored way of signaling interest and attraction, to say nothing of mutual awareness. It is a kind of silent language spoken by men and women around the world.

Why do people flirt?​

People most often flirt to convey interest in someone and potentially build a relationship. But research has actually identified six specific reasons why people flirt:
1. Relational reasons — to turn an acquaintance or friend into a partner.
2. Exploring motive — to gauge if someone else is interested in you.
3. Fun — to have a playful, exciting interaction.
4. Instrumental reasons — to encourage someone to complete a task, such as a household chore.
5. Esteem motive — to reinforce one’s own self-esteem.
6. Sex — to gain a sexual partner.

How People Flirt​

The alchemy of creating connection between two people can be subtle, enthralling, warm, humorous, and even thrilling. Flirting combines body language—such as smiling, laughing, and touching—along with an engaging conversation and attentive listening, which ultimately leads to a rhythmic and playful back and forth.

It isn't just men who flirt.

What are examples of flirty behavior?​

The hallmarks of flirting are surprisingly universal. Women often smile, arch their eyebrows and widen their eyes, tuck their chin down and turn slightly to the side, toss their hair, put their hands near their mouth, and laugh. Men, for their part, often arch their back, stretch their chest, and laugh as well.

Flirting

Flirting is a fundamental fixture in humans’ sexual repertoire, a time-honored way of signaling interest and attraction, to say nothing of mutual awareness. It is a kind of silent language spoken by men and women around the world.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[Aspychata]

I don't think you comprehensively appreciate the concept of "flirtation".




It isn't just men who flirt.

Flirting

Flirting is a fundamental fixture in humans’ sexual repertoire, a time-honored way of signaling interest and attraction, to say nothing of mutual awareness. It is a kind of silent language spoken by men and women around the world.

www.psychologytoday.com

Appreciate your input, l also would like to suggest it's possible to flirt in a PG way also.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Vigorously disagree.
We don't really know his motivation.
It is all speculation, at this stage, though I haven't finished reading the entire thread.

I have seen too many of those guys in my life, hiding behind the innocent side of their double entendres while they size up the gullibility of their mark.

 

[Judge]

I have seen too many of those guys in my life, hiding behind the innocent side of their double entendres while they size up the gullibility of their mark.

Indeed. It's an old story. But I suppose some of us have to become old ourselves to admit- and acknowledge it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Indeed. It's an old story. But I suppose some of us have to become old ourselves to admit- and acknowledge it.

I was both very observant and unable to understand a lot of the social, but I understood the behavior of manipulators.

 

[Jonn]

Appreciate your input, l also would like to suggest it's possible to flirt in a PG way also.

Of course, but isn't the context designed by the two people who are interacting?

People "test the waters" to determine the "playing field".
If someone laughs at a sexual innuendo (assuming it is not a laugh in derision), that is clearly a "green light" to continue using that context.

If the person receiving the innuendo is offended, that person needs to make it clear that is something they are not interested in.
If the behaviour continues, THEN it is an indication of disrespect and becomes harassment.

There are usually no black and white answers in a situation like this.
Often it is dependant on a person's life experience or philosophical enlightenment.
There are considerations, however.

Fore example:
Making sexual innuendos in a work environment is an obvious no-go zone.
Being a staff-member/owner of an establishment may also be problematical for obvious reasons.

In a social situation, would you be offended by sexual innuendo directed towards you if it was clear it is in the spirit of intellectual creativity?
Would you see it as an attempt to gauge a person's philosophical enlightenment?

May I ask?
Are you a religious person?
I am a hardcore atheist, btw.

 

[Judge]

I was both very observant and unable to understand a lot of the social, but I understood the behavior of manipulators.

This reminds me of similar personalities would brag about it among their own gender.

Something I recall in vivid detail back in the 80s. Where a middle-manager in another dept. was deliberately being funny, yet sexually brutal with an agenda other than flirting. Purely to chase someone from their scrutiny of his department. I recall mentioning the legal implications at the time and he wasn't the least bit concerned.

Of course within a year or so he was terminated. Those games people play....

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, I did a earlier post that maybe you missed. It kinda says what you said. Some men do because it's part of their machismo affect. Some do it because they like the rise they get from offended woman. A direct ex: phone calls with use your imagination. Some men are fishing, and some are just idiots as pointed out by @Fino. I don't belive l need to bring in religion to this post.

 

[Jonn]

Making ‘little sexual jokes’ to a female he does not know is a huge red flag for me. The guy obviously has more brains in his you know what than he does upstairs and little respect for you.

I think he is making his intentions crystal clear and I only see heartache if you decide to have a relationship with him.

Respectfully disagree.

Consider the facts here:
*The guy made a sexual innuendo in the the form of a joke.
*Primrose laughed at his joke.
*The person continued making these jokes.
*Primrose engaged with him in conversation.
*The guy was not interested in developing a relationship beyond what was offered.

There will be no "heartache" down the line because the man is not interested in taking the "relationship" further.
After all, it takes 2 to tango.

 

[Jonn]

I have seen too many of those guys in my life, hiding behind the innocent side of their double entendres while they size up the gullibility of their mark.

"Too many" is not all.
Jumping to conclusions is not the solution.
I suggest people simply take a cautious approach.

But in this case, the man isn't interested in establishing a relationship with Primrose, so there is no indication that his intention was malicious/exploitative.

We are still uncertain about his intentions.
It is all simply speculation at this point.

 

[Jonn]

Yes, I did a earlier post that maybe you missed. It kinda says what you said. Some men do because it's part of their machismo affect. Some do it because they like the rise they get from offended woman. A direct ex: phone calls with use your imagination. Some men are fishing, and some are just idiots as pointed out by @Fino. I don't belive l need to bring in religion to this post.

I usually methodically read the posts sequentially in a thread.
I find it too complicated to read all posts and then start replying.

Some men are fishing, and some are just idiots

And some men are not.
Without the facts, we can only speculate.
Declaring someone has ill intent when we don't know what the motivation is, is "a miscarriage of justice".


O/T
A person's core life philosophy affects the way they see the world.
It can explain their POV.
It can explain their decision-making.

I respect your decision not to answer my question.

 

[Aspychata]

I usually methodically read the posts sequentially in a thread.
I find it too complicated to read all posts and then start replying.


And some men are not.
Without the facts, we can only speculate.
Declaring someone has ill intent when we don't know what the motivation is, is "a miscarriage of justice".


O/T
A person's core life philosophy affects the way they see the world.
It can explain their POV.
It can explain their decision-making.

I respect your decision not to answer my question.

As l said, men's logic can be hard to figure out. So we all just speculate. Sometimes l throw situations out and ask people for their thoughts too.

 

[Jonn]

Hi Primrose

Definitely the best plan if you're comfortable with it

IMO the use of relatively subtle innuendo is a good indicator that you'll get a soft apology ("sorry, I didn't realize you interpreted it that way" /lol)) but that he'll stop doing it, so I'd expect a quick win for you.

I'd be surprised if he doesn't stop.
If someone complains to management, he may be refused membership because he is making others uncomfortable and chasing away business.
Or he may stop because he genuinely takes on board that Primrose doesn't like it.

There are a lot of disreputable people out there, but there are also decent individuals too, obviously.