Why? That is all I ask. (rant/need to talk to someone)

[starfox64_0]

Hi. Im not on here often because supposedly me possibly having aspergers is all in my head according to the family. But anyways, why do i have to be me?

Why do i have to struggle with noticing tones in even my own voice, and why do i have to have focusing issues? I cant keep on task if im given multiple directions, and if im asked to do something during a lecture from my mom why do i have to be stupid enough to forget about it because i was focused in on what she was talking about at the time before she stopped, not that i had to pick up the clothes on the top of the couch. What is it about me that makes me so smart in school but so oblivious to the basic hint to leave the room so i get laughed at? What is it that makes it where if im touched with skin i feel the person minutes later, and i occasionally get goosebumps and messed up breathing? Why is it that when lots of different noises are going on and im around a lot of people all day the littlest thing makes me freak out and want to yell, scream, cry, punch, kick, and anything else all at once? Why do certain sounds kill my head and make me cringe when im upset but i can go in winter with shorts and a tee and not be cold? Why do i have this big extensive vocabulary supposedly for practically no reason? Why cant i understand how to cheer up my girlfriend when her grandpa is dying, all i can say is "it will be okay" because unless i look up quotes i cant explain my feelings except for rare times to certain people?

Why can i not just function normal in society, not just be weird and crazy apparently? Why cant anyone I talk to give me an answer except for "you are just too smart" Why did i have to be who i am; why am I me?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Howdy! I may be NT, but Grumpy Cat Nurse thinks you may be Aspie. I've read several books and everything you talk about is in them. I'd forget what your family thinks and research some Aspie books along with spending some extra time on this site with these fine people and figure out for yourself if you are indeed Aspie. There's also a test you can take which I can't remember in which thread I found it, but someone here could tell you. It diagnosed me correctly - NT, but it forgot the grumpy part. That would be a good place to start. Actually, the Aspie book I'm reading now has all the things you mentioned in your post including the "wearing shorts in winter" which I didn't know until reading that book. I pick up a lot of tid bits from reading these books and they might even help you to understand why you are the way you are, ways to alleviate some of your symptoms and let you know you're not alone and there's others like you. I have learned a lot from this forum too. There's even threads that other Aspies have started that tell some of the positives about their Aspieism (is that a word?) I sure do wish I had a larger vocabulary and who doesn't want to cut down on their heating bills in the winter?

 

[starfox64_0]

I took the tests a year ago and got super high scores towards aspie...but even my phsychologist at the time said if i do it is really mild if existent at all and im probably just too smart. Thats why im so confused...its like having a puzzle and missing the last piece and someone else puts in a piece that fits from a different puzzle, or drawing a summer beach but not being able to finish it and claiming the white is snow.

Plus im super resistant to cold but i get sick if my body temp hits 97 degrees. Its gone as low as 94.5 before and i felt perfect.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

You know, there's another thing. These Aspies must be pretty special (in a great way) for an NT like me to want to stick around like I have. They may not understand all my girly emotions and my need for "small talk", but I'd rather be here with them than around a lot of the NT's I know. I've made some good friends here that know as much about me as my own Ma (and that's saying a lot cause my Ma is my best friend.)

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I took the tests a year ago and got super high scores towards aspie...but even my phsychologist at the time said if i do it is really mild if existent at all and im probably just too smart. Thats why im so confused...its like having a puzzle and missing the last piece and someone else puts in a piece that fits from a different puzzle, or drawing a summer beach but not being able to finish it and claiming the white is snow.

Plus im super resistant to cold but i get sick if my body temp hits 97 degrees. Its gone as low as 94.5 before and i felt perfect.

It doesn't sound mild. At a temp of 94.5 we would have had you in a bear hugger at the hospital. All the other things you mentioned lean toward Aspie too. Maybe you need a better psychologist. But before you rely on a "specialist" of some sort, I still think it would be a good idea for you to research on your own. I always try to diagnose myself before I go to some doctor. Who knows you better than yourself?

 

[starfox64_0]

Ive done loads of research, apparently i was becoming a self fulfilling prophecy... Im sixteen and my dad kept going on about how he never saw any of my symptoms till about a year ago when i started mentioning them to him because when i was younger i got ignored and told by my grandma that we dont have autistics in our family and to stop acting like one so i kept all my issues inside. I now live with my mom so maybe ill possibly get somewhere..i dont know.

Its 12:35 in the morning here so im heading to bed, i just...i want answers...if im so smart then why cant this stuff be natural to me like being able to view items in my mind and take them apart put hem together combine them with other things compare them and so on while physically seeing it in my mind?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm not understanding what you're saying, but that may be because I'm NT. I do know that Aspies can think and feel things, but have a hard time verbalizing them. Maybe it's the same thing with being able to see it in your head, but not being able to carry out the actions physically. Idk.

Get some sleep and try not to be so hard on yourself (which I know is going to be hard cause I do it myself).

 

[starfox64_0]

I'm not understanding what you're saying, but that may be because I'm NT. I do know that Aspies can think and feel things, but have a hard time verbalizing them. Maybe it's the same thing with being able to see it in your head, but not being able to carry out the actions physically. Idk.

Get some sleep and try not to be so hard on yourself (which I know is going to be hard cause I do it myself).

Basically... I can "see" a chair in my head, take it apart blow it up, put it together, and basically manipulatet hings howerveri. Want in my head and imagine it, then depending on complexity draw it.

Tldr, i have very high spatial reasoning i beleive it is called, but my common sense is worse than a person charging megatron with his bare hands. (I love transformers)

But i do have difficulties verbalizing feelings, both of my parents can ask me how i feel about something and i lock up, start stuttering, and basically go blank.

 

[Warmheart]

Starfox, I'm sorry you are suffering right now. Our whole lives, we feel different, disadvantaged, left out, and overwhelmed by simple stimuli others have no problem with. Add our communication frustrations, and we can feel pretty alone and misunderstood. Here on this forum though, there is understanding and support.

I don't know how old you are, but if you're under 25, you likely have hormones surging in your body, adding to your hypersensitivity, anxiety, and painful mood swings. This will get better. Even with puberty behind us, teens and 20s can bring a major exacerbation of ASD symptoms. Just when we want to feel cool and with it, we end up feeling nerdy, overwhelmed, and worse than we have before. As you age, you will gain some stability. Your hormones will level out, likely making you a bit more stable.

For now, knowledge is power. Hypersensitivity stinks, struggling mentally is frustrating, and being socially the odd man out feels awful, but we can do a few things to ease our stress. You don't need your family's permission to better your situation.

Learn all you can about ASD from watching Youtube videos, reading on forums and books.
If you have resources, buy a weighted blanket, fidget toys, anything else that may help drain stress from your body.
Positive, positive, positive-- make a list on paper of positive of ASD. Do you rock at things involving your special interest? Have you got some amazing focusing skills? Do people ever admire your projects? Has your hypersensitivity made you compassionate, caring, and supportive-- even if you aren't always sure which words to use? People sense intent. Are you detail-oriented and curious? Honest, with a strong sense of justice? Sounds like you've got some strengths, to me.

When you're able to, you can see your primary care doc alone, without your parents. If you cannot do that now, you can do it later on. You can bring a list of your challenges, then request referral to an ASD specialist for diagnosis. This can help you get OT, which can help ease hypersensitivity, and help you streamline your life so that you feel safer, more grounded, stable, and more empowered to do what you'd like to do.

Hang in there. We're all here with you!

 

[Spiller]

my dad kept going on about how he never saw any of my symptoms till about a year ago when i started mentioning them to him because when i was younger i got ignored and told by my grandma that we dont have autistics in our family

my common sense is worse than a person charging megatron with his bare hands.

My family had great difficulty accepting my self-diagnosis of Aspergers too. I think that, coming from a generation which generally attached a stigma to Autism, Mental health and such, they didn't want to accept it as they'd view it as their fault in some way.
My Dad passed away recently, but my Mum now accepts, seeing what I've gone through, that he likely had Aspergers too.
Common sense is an NT thing, so I've read; I've done something logically and been told I have no common sense many times, even if my way worked better. I do at least have the sense not to take on Megatron barehanded though, that's definitely Optimus' job!
Many here have gotten through their first 20 years without support starfox64_0, all I can say is be strong and keep going!

 

[Spiller]

my dad kept going on about how he never saw any of my symptoms till about a year ago when i started mentioning them to him because when i was younger i got ignored and told by my grandma that we dont have autistics in our family

my common sense is worse than a person charging megatron with his bare hands.

My family had great difficulty accepting my self-diagnosis of Aspergers too. I think that, coming from a generation which generally attached a stigma to Autism, Mental health and such, they didn't want to accept it as they'd view it as their fault in some way.
My Dad passed away recently, but my Mum now accepts, seeing what I've gone through, that he likely had Aspergers too.
Common sense is an NT thing, so I've read; I've done something logically and been told I have no common sense many times, even if my way worked better. I do at least have the sense not to take on Megatron barehanded though, that's definitely Optimus' job!
Many here have gotten through their first 20 years without support starfox64_0, all I can say is be strong and keep going!

 

[AsheSkyler]

I address my problems with comedy to perk me up. "George just lucky I guess!"

I'm also leaning toward you hunting down a better psychologist. You sound autistic enough to me.

 

[radasp]

I write a blog that critiques Asperger "symptoms" from a common sense science basis. Our behavior has two sources: 1. our brain works very different to social brains. We are highly visual. Being visual thinkers produces many of our characteristics, even how we perceive time. 2. Many symptoms are reactions to the social environment, which for us is truly alien and can make us "bat crap crazy." That is, we react badly to social environments that use and abuse people.

For an Asperger's view of who we are: Asperger: The HypoSocial Human | Investigating the Asperger brain as a legacy of ancestral humans