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Why is this happening to me? What is going on? Please help!!

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Julie Gross, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Not yet, but working on it :)
    Exactly. Also, they may asume the presence of an ememe, it never occurs to them that there might not be one, and that's because all people use ememes, for sympathy, to achieve an agenda or to manipulate. So they misread us, they assume intent or hidden agenda when it's not there, and then accuse us of lack of empathy - but we are not aware of the ememe that we may be inadvertently transmitting or lacking, so when the person reacts to the supposed ememe or lack of it, it is very confusing or us.
     
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  2. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    So,in a normal conversation, it means there can be an increasing number of assumptions about our intent (and other things) as the conversation continues.

    Creating confusion for both sides.

    Another difference I find is that there is a social element that we don't have.

    People go to others to confirm things,get assurances etc.
    This 'consolidates' those assumptions and the 'assumptions' - through collective corroboration become the truth.

    Sort of a 'social proof' from within their social group that people need or are used to.

    This can further undermine our position or (usually) not having an agenda,not understanding what was meant,not being malicious etc.
     
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  3. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes, there are group, social ememes as well as the ememes exchanged by individuals. Mass ememes, that become part of a group's culture, or even the culture of a whole society. People generally need to feel that they belong to a social group, a 'herd' and the group or mass ememes reinforce this. People use the ememe to say "I'm one of you". If you don't produce the group ememe, you are assumed not to belong to the group. This is why we so often find ourselves marginalised and feel detached and alienated.
     
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  4. Julie Gross

    Julie Gross Active Member

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    First off I feel like it’s a waste of time to communicate to people sometimes or be around them because I feel so many people misunderstand me and they don’t even listen. I feel invisible.

    I told this young lady one time to stop calling me those pet names and I said I only liked to be called that by people I know I just said something you know to get her to stop. I didn’t know her and she continued to do so. She called me “sweetie” a lot and I am so frustrated by this and she called me that and she was younger then me and that made it even more frustrating. I am not one to be condescending and I do not like talking down to people. But why is it happening to me for?

    I don’t get why people even use those pet names in the first place.

    I am frustrated because people keep calling me “stupid” a lot but I am NOT I have autism and I don’t understand why other people resort to calling people names when they don’t understand them and what not.

    I don’t recall how I behaved but in my opinion I wasn’t stupid. It happened a lot when I had roommates and I work at jobs. The longer I am around people they start calling me names and it’s an annoying pattern and it makes me not like being around people.That’s all I get from people.

    Also another reason why I am frustrated is because people are mean to me and not other people and I don’t understand where all the hate comes from. I tried not taking it personally but it always happens to me. I don’t understand it.

    Also people call me other names too. I don’t know why that happens to me all the time. I don’t know why people blame me for these things they blame me for. I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t understand why I get poor treatment.

    I also don’t understand why people say they are going to do something and change their minds on me. Like for example I sell things on Craigslist and I tried other apps like Letgo and Offerup but people I had to deal with were horrible on there. I am trying to make money on the side and I am trying to apply for jobs as well because I need money for things like food and vitamins. I realized more and more not to use those sites anymore. I just can’t comprehend the way they act.

    I don’t get why people aren’t responding to my emails. It makes me feel like I said something to scare them away.

    Another thing that I don’t like about the jobs I had is people end up hating me because they yell at me and I am left with confusion and I asking why this is even happening. I feel no one else gets treated this way.

    Why is this happening to me?

    I do feel like people hate me a lot because I feel I get treated badly and or abused a lot.

    I don’t why but it feels like I am around people who get amused by treating someone else poorly and I don’t get it either.

    Also to add to frustration with selling on Craigslist and etc is I don’t know why people flake and play games and it feels like they are being a jerk and I don’t like it.

    It is also extremely frustrating when you expect something and the opposite is happening. Like they tell you they will buy it and then don’t. Someone on Craigslist said “are you so and so” and it wasn’t even me it was a random name and I was like I thought my name is on the email and why is he asking this.

    Also, why do these people say they will meet me and don’t and they change their minds at the time we will meet. Then they do the same thing again the next day and change their minds.

    Why do they want me to meet them at their location when I can’t and I told them I can’t and they continue to ask. I’m sick of this.

    It feels like my Craigslist posts are mocked by the buyers because the way they respond to my posts. Sorry I can’t explain it. I don’t like it.

    I go to meet them on Craigslist and some times they call me the “crazy one” and get upset and they get mad out of the blue it is really upset.

    Why are people giving me BS a lot? I feel I get it a lot and I don’t know why.

    Also why do people feel the need to verbally tell me not to trust someone or why do people point out I say something a lot when first off I don’t trust people and I never did. I just do things because that’s how I am and secondly the reason I say things over and over is because I repeat phrases and words a lot to help me calm down it’s very soothing.

    Also one time I got startled and someone thought they did something wrong they said “what did I do now?” and I didn’t understand and what I did. Also how did that mean the other person did something wrong. I just get startled easy.

    I don’t know why people are getting so offended by my actions. I didn’t know throwing money or tossing it was rude and then at work the customers complained about me and I didn’t understand why they did and I didn't see what I did was wrong.

    People also tend to get frustrated with me but i don’t understand what I am doing to make someone frustrated with me. I see that they are being mean.

    Also one time someone told me to get “over my self” and that” I was bad with relationships” and it upset me because it felt like they sounded mean to me and they expected me to be good with them when I am obviously not good I am autistic.

    I told people I was autistic and they didn’t believe me so I don’t know anymore. Which didn’t make sense but ok. Sometimes it feels hopeless to tell people. They still won’t understand.

    The one thing that really bothers me the most is that people are way to quick to call me “ stupid” and I am frustrated because that is all I get from people I know I said this before but I am simply emphasizing that it was traumatizing for me.

    Is that the only thing people know how to do nowadays is to use an excuse to call people dumb or whatever.

    I just needed to vent badly because I had this on my mind and I couldn’t get it out of my head.
     
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  5. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    I had a friend who used to do the 'pet names' to people but I think she would not do it to people she disliked. I think its a habit she doesnt actively realize shes doing, it comes before she can remember you asked her not to say it.In this case I think it might help to insist a lot for her not to call you that or just accept she wont change but i doubt shes doing it on purpose. What you can change is the way you perceive it and make it instead of intolerable, unfortunate/irritating but tolerable. Try to think about it as something that you can live with.

    Another possibility is that she thinks youre kidding and you actually like it and are just too embarassed [i think there are more chances of this if you are young and she is a grown lady]. In this case you need to stress you are serious about it and it really bothers you.
     
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  6. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    The reason they call you stupid is because you probably dont understand literal meaning and social cues but thats just because your brain is wired differently and you don't understand this category of social and hinting stuff in the same way as they do. But they don't understand why so they conclude youre not bright enough to understand much in general. Thats not the case

    When people are frustrated or confused they act irrationally and hurt others and make up stories to understand things, but usually these stories have no ground in reality, theyre just rash conclusions

    Then there are insecure people who would be ashamed not to get integrated in the group and its also a primordial instinct to be like the others and survive excluding the different people who may pose danger or be a 'weak link' in the group, possibly 'no fun' because they have to explain everything to the person

    Its an opinion you behaved stupid, and if you don't think so it means you don't need to live your life based on their beliefs. But if you want to discuss why they think that, itd help sharing what behaviour you displayed at the time of their reaction and what it is they misunderstood

    Most likely the hate comes from your noticeable differences
     
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  7. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    If someone ever calls you 'stupid' then know that what they are saying is not true. It can't be, because there is no such thing as stupid. People might be lacking some knowledge or vital information and thus not understand something, or they might have the information, but need all more time to process the information to come to a conclusion, but that does not make them stupid.

    Calling you 'stupid' is an example of a negative ememe - a word with an emotional charge being used as a vehicle to carry an insult, in order to hurt and abuse a person, whose actual meaning is not relevant or necessarily true. This is only effective if you believe the insult and are affected by it. As soon as you realise that it is not true that you are stupid and they are just saying this to try to manipulate your feelings, then it becomes easier to deal with and not let it affect you and the insult loses its power.
    Oh yes, unspoken social rules and etiquette, half of which is based on tradition, ritual and formality, and are irrelevant or just don't make sense. I can understand why this one might trigger some people though, because if you throw something, deep down in the amygdala of their brain sudden rapid movements or throwing something are interpreted as a possible threat or aggressive action, like you are throwing a stone or have a knife or other weapon, and I too, if someone suddenly threw something at me, might react negatively towards that. Some others, like table manners, have no logical reason that I can discern, or are based on age old tradition and irrelevant to modern day living and yet, people continue these just because 'that's how it should be done' and if you ask them why, they can't answer you.
     
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  8. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    A lot of people online are trolls and even dangerous people and kids and they all can be very mean. People often break promises and don't say what they mean bc they just say it to tell you they like you or they change their mind later on about their promises. It can be heartbreaking and misleading but thats people. It happened to me to say ill watch something with bf but not feel like it for a long time and never do it and my bf has made countless promises he couldn't keep but i know its not on purpose and he tries not to promise things

    I think they might dare more because you haven't stood up for yourself and told them what you think/feel too and how shameful it is what theyre doing. Some people are insane though so if they don't listen i wouldn't bother with them anymore.
     
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  9. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    The person didnt know you get startled easily or of your social trauma past so they didn't understand your startled reaction and probably felt uncomfortable and didn't know why they should feel like that. Maybe they thought you got upset for no reason and it frustrated them. They maybe feel like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid startling you and that you dislike them because they are annoying if they startle you all the time. And maybe they get frustrated when you react startled and think youre trying to change their behavior which seems ok to them because they think theyve done nothing wrong but feel bad. So if you make them feel bad for no reason they might get angry

    I sense you're a bit paranoid that people are up to hurting you through given your past i dont blame you, but this can affect you in a bad way if you work yourself up for every unsuccessful encounter.
    Im thinking that person who asked you if youre 'so and so' wasnt necessarily trolling you but was thinking your email name is just a screen name, not your real name. Odd thing for him to ask, perhaps they were just naive or lonely.

    They don't understand youre not trying to be bad with relationships and youre genuinely trying but autism makes you fail sometimes. They don't know what its like to have autism and havent thought about it to realize that its kinda like life and success, you gotta fail a lot til you succeed and you will never be perfect
     
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  10. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Plenty of good advice above :)

    From a practical standpoint, would eBay be a better platform for you, since it is far less "personal"? eBay customers expect items to be posted or sometimes collected from the vendor. You can be stricter about your selling conditions and make it clear you don't wish to "meet" an a designated location.
     
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  11. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    People think autism is low functioning thats why they don't believe you are. They see you aren't low functioning so they think youre lying.

    When i talk about autism i explain to people it has 2 branches: high-functioning and low-functioning and that high functioning is the type that einstein had but not necessarily makes someone a savant/genius, just seeming normal.

    More than saying youre autistic and that youre high functioning you have to explain in what way it affects you because they may not know much or understand from reading, and you may not have all autism traits and for example your lack of need to be taught who to trust and not to trust by others who notice social cues better.
     
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  12. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    I mean no disrespect to you @Rexi but that is not good advice. There is no low or high functioning within the autistic spectrum and to explain it to someone in that fashion can be very damaging to us all. Functioning labels are an outdated and simplistic view of the autistic spectrum. It may be a temporary solution for a short term conversation, to get someone off our backs, but it is a concept that harms every autistic person alive.

    You are right that many people have a very negative, deficit biased view of autism, but this is not a constructive way to address it. Maybe you and @Julie Gross might have a read of the post and attached article that @Isadoorian kindly posted earlier :)

    https://www.autismforums.com/threads/its-a-spectrum-isnt-quite-as-it-sounds.30116/
     
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  13. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    You have pointed out a lot of tough things really well, it was meaningful to read and I hope you will feel better and Im sending strength to communicate with others and success in dealing with the issues with the people in your life.
     
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  14. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo Weird&Unusual Atheist Science=<3

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    Oh, my bad. I think 'people on the autistic spectrum are really very different and have different autistic traits' is a more accurate approach. Or that the misconception that autism equals mental retardation is wrong, though that doesn't mean you don't have hardships with things that people find normal and easy to do even though you want to fit in with others, but you may often do the wrong things so you want to know what you did wrong and explain your point of view

    hm, or 'autism often makes me do/say/think things differently without realizing it's wrong and people end up hating me for it'
     
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  15. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    "Mental retardation" or "Intellectual Disability" to give it it's correct name, can be co-occurrent with autism, and many of the autistic people we see portrayed in the media or in news stories do have IDs as well as autism. The fact that IDs are separate from autism is rarely mentioned, so it's not surprising that many outsiders conflate the two as one and the same.

    It is up to us to educate people that the media representation is wrong and they have been misled. There was a time when white people were led to believe that black people were dumb animals and gay people were sick perverts, but now we know better thanks to education initiated by the very people that were being mistreated. They had to challenge governments and religious institutions to achieve that, and their fight is still far from over. Only by tackling misconception and misinformation as and when we come across it, do we stand a chance of making the future better for us all.

    The recent furore over the "All in a Row" play demonstrates the how biased, clichéd views of autism can be harmful to us.

     
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  16. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron Just a Professional Weirdo w/Autism and ADHD

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    I get the pet name type of thing. I only allow close blood relatives to call me Joshie (or Joshy). The only non-blood-related person I would allow to call me Joshy would be a girlfriend. I consider anybody else calling me Joshy rude and inappropriate.

    Also, I hate it when people say that Autistics are stupid. It's insensitive and offensive. I'm tired of us being turned into an internet meme.
     
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  17. Julie Gross

    Julie Gross Active Member

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    Another thing is that these people I deal with made fun of me for not talking and that is ridiculous and all I hear from them was your so quiet all the time and I am really sick of it.

    One example that people called me stupid was I didn’t understand them and what they were saying so they had to repeat it and then everybody was talking to me at once and telling me things at once and yelling at me.

    Then because I didn’t get what they said fast enough someone was about to call me stupid but they didn’t they just said she’s

    It made me sad because I couldn’t understand them and I get confused easily when people talk to me at once and I can’t understand them. They assume because of this I am a stupid person??

    I still to this day don’t get when something like this makes someone resort to calling me stupid. I just took as I just didn’t understand them because they were shouting.

    I told someone that I can’t concentrate when people are shouting or something along those lines and they assumed it was anxiety or something because they said just take it slow and I didn’t need to take it slow that’s not very helpful.
     
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  18. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Severity levels describe one's co-morbid conditions load, not their autism. There is only one autism. One either has it or they do not. (Grading one's co-morbid conditions is an important step for receiving supporting services, however.)
     
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  19. Aspychata

    Aspychata Applying for the here and now....

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    Sorry, really didn't mean to offend you
     
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  20. china autie

    china autie friend to dogs and frogs and cats

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    Online people who are mean and call us names can be blocked.

    F2F people [face to face or irl in real life] we can't block.

    Stupid is a word that reflects,a bias on the part of the user of that word.

    Some people I know with intellectual disabilities,are,far from "stupid".

    I suppose the stock 'answer' is not to engage with ignorance. In practice, that is difficult.
     
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