Hopeless_Aspie_Guy
Well-Known Member
If you’re a guy who can relate to this in any way then by all means chime in, tell me about your story or advise me.
Women’s comments, questions or advice is still welcome too. I apologize for the length of this otherwise abridged article/question.
To me, looking through an online dating catalog of women is almost as pointless as looking at a porno site, you’re looking at things you can never have and are partially conflicted about wanting in the first place. You look at each profile and it might as well be a fantasy to hope for anything and this is part of the danger, especially when you see someone so perfect physically or in terms of having many shared interests.
I’m still in many ways a 17yr old or younger in my mind even though parts of it are adult. I can’t really laugh or joke with someone or even do general banter (unless there’s a specific subject to discuss).
If you imagine a much less annoying Sheldon cooper (from big bang theory, because like him I have aspergers) in a realistic world where the likes of Penny is naturally never gonna associate with the likes of him and his group of friends, then in some ways (not all) I’d kinda resemble his perceived awkwardness around women and it’d also be similar to his relationship with his girlfriend Amy (though I have additional problems he does not).
I just want and need the feelings to go away (the romantic and the sexual), I need the pressure taken off of me to have what I do not have and want what I’m lead to believe (in a biological and instinctive way I guess) that I need. This all escalated in the face of the coming of so many irreversible problems and so long as it remains, so too does the dependence, but if the feelings were removed then so would the partially correct assumption it’d bring the happiness it never could (not even if I did get a girlfriend I actually considered to be good looking, even though in many ways it would make things better for the time being). I need to stop wanting people to care enough to want to try and advise or offer sympathy or to even criticize me for not wanting a relationship (I don’t get this often, but I liked it and I shouldn’t have, so now I’m practically asking for it in my mind even though overall understandably almost no-none really cares).
Trying for a girlfriend (through the more likely but never the less impossible means of online dating over anything face to face) is just cruel towards me and makes me lose my self-respect when I’m immediately or eventually rejected (through all those annoying delays and various other things you'll get once those few have responded to you) and more seriously it contributes slightly to my ongoing anxiety and on/off depression (a few years ago it triggered a horrible break-down in which seeing the temptations and starting to feel dependence on them caused me to to abandon my recently ordered food in McDonalds and run out of the town-center to the nearest private place, a field, to collapse for 20mins and burst into tears).
I mustn’t be allowed to purposely look at or feel anything for a girls (breasts, thighs, butt etc) nor acknowledge any beauty in her face or imagine anything happening with her and most importantly I need to not to have a problem with this nor with knowing that a girl will never truely care about me (just like it used to be, except it was encouraged by myself back then and wasn’t a requirement as it seems to be now). Love and any sexual feelings are just dangerous for me (always have been, not that I always realised) but these days my willpower isn’t enough because of this irreversible situation I’m in as of these last 4 or so years (too long to go into). It’s annoying that your own so-called natural feelings/tendencies could create such a problem for you, especially as I’ve been in conflict with love/sexual feelings since I was a child (though normally I managed to reject and suppress romantic tendencies).
I’ve deleted my online dating profile and with it all current contacts I was partially engaged in conversations with and any further unattainable temptation. My internet content filter has been reactivated along with the additional custom blocks I’d previously had in place. Henceforth I’ll ensure I go back (when chance unfortunately presents itself) to no longer trying to socialize with any women and all communication is either on a professional or polite response basis only (so basically there’ll be no joking around with any of them or complimenting them etc in my day to day job and I’ll try once more rejoicing in being seemingly socially unresponsive/awkward rather than trying to engage with them (used to be this way prior to about 4yrs ago, but no effort was required).
The problems I’m gonna face however is seeing them on a daily basis (I basically work/call on a variety of supermarkets around the county where I’ll see plenty of women of all desirable shapes and sizes all the time, couples engaging with one and other and also the fact that I work around magazines a lot (avoiding looking at the lads mags is easy, but there’s too many womens mags dealing with 'bodies' and relationships) and finally there's fiction (soap operas and films all portraying these situations I finally understand why I could never be a part of, the one’s that give that false hope and the very scenarios to base your pathetic fantasies around). This is why I need to be made or assisted in becoming emotionally unreceptive to them because the temptation is always going to be there in front of me and after time I almost forget what I’m supposed to do or not do and potentially fall into this trap of trying once again (or sometimes the temptation might just be too much even when I don't forget). There’s a lot more that I should’ve written down when I was thinking for the first time about it, but basically what I need is help from the councillor and any guys who can just relate to this or anyone with any advice, but moreover I need to try and go about getting ‘anaphrodisiacs’ (basically for the uninformed, these are the kinda drugs/tablets that kill the libido and could perhaps prevent me from thinking and feeling about these things so that I can avoid more shame, humiliation, anxiety and potential depression). This’ll ultimately stop me from deluding myself into thinking that if I stop this, try that, ask for this etc that there’s somehow a way I can defy my preset limitations and that women will abandon their rightful (if somewhat harsh) standards to accept me as their otherwise pitiful excuse for a boyfriend.
I think on the rare occasions anyone innocently asks if I’m married, have a girlfriend or kids (without somehow realizing that it should really be a self-explanatory- of course not!, before actually asking this) that I’ll just answer with- “sadly no, I’ve got aspergers syndrome so that’s not possible” (most don’t even know what aspergers is, so it’s likely this’d be accepted without question anyway). This is in spite of the fact that some or many guys with aspergers have managed to get relationships, and without online dating for some too (how I don’t know, but I think aspergers is such a broad range of symptoms compared to so many other medical conditions that I’m just one such rarer variation of something which otherwise need not be thought of as a negative). Though I shouldn’t and don’t think of my many shortcomings as a bad thing, aspie guys who didn’t have to settle for someone ugly with lower standards, or get a girlfriend out of pity or lie to get them etc, should feel very pleased with themselves and happy they’re not as incapable as me.
Women’s comments, questions or advice is still welcome too. I apologize for the length of this otherwise abridged article/question.
To me, looking through an online dating catalog of women is almost as pointless as looking at a porno site, you’re looking at things you can never have and are partially conflicted about wanting in the first place. You look at each profile and it might as well be a fantasy to hope for anything and this is part of the danger, especially when you see someone so perfect physically or in terms of having many shared interests.
I’m still in many ways a 17yr old or younger in my mind even though parts of it are adult. I can’t really laugh or joke with someone or even do general banter (unless there’s a specific subject to discuss).
If you imagine a much less annoying Sheldon cooper (from big bang theory, because like him I have aspergers) in a realistic world where the likes of Penny is naturally never gonna associate with the likes of him and his group of friends, then in some ways (not all) I’d kinda resemble his perceived awkwardness around women and it’d also be similar to his relationship with his girlfriend Amy (though I have additional problems he does not).
I just want and need the feelings to go away (the romantic and the sexual), I need the pressure taken off of me to have what I do not have and want what I’m lead to believe (in a biological and instinctive way I guess) that I need. This all escalated in the face of the coming of so many irreversible problems and so long as it remains, so too does the dependence, but if the feelings were removed then so would the partially correct assumption it’d bring the happiness it never could (not even if I did get a girlfriend I actually considered to be good looking, even though in many ways it would make things better for the time being). I need to stop wanting people to care enough to want to try and advise or offer sympathy or to even criticize me for not wanting a relationship (I don’t get this often, but I liked it and I shouldn’t have, so now I’m practically asking for it in my mind even though overall understandably almost no-none really cares).
Trying for a girlfriend (through the more likely but never the less impossible means of online dating over anything face to face) is just cruel towards me and makes me lose my self-respect when I’m immediately or eventually rejected (through all those annoying delays and various other things you'll get once those few have responded to you) and more seriously it contributes slightly to my ongoing anxiety and on/off depression (a few years ago it triggered a horrible break-down in which seeing the temptations and starting to feel dependence on them caused me to to abandon my recently ordered food in McDonalds and run out of the town-center to the nearest private place, a field, to collapse for 20mins and burst into tears).
I mustn’t be allowed to purposely look at or feel anything for a girls (breasts, thighs, butt etc) nor acknowledge any beauty in her face or imagine anything happening with her and most importantly I need to not to have a problem with this nor with knowing that a girl will never truely care about me (just like it used to be, except it was encouraged by myself back then and wasn’t a requirement as it seems to be now). Love and any sexual feelings are just dangerous for me (always have been, not that I always realised) but these days my willpower isn’t enough because of this irreversible situation I’m in as of these last 4 or so years (too long to go into). It’s annoying that your own so-called natural feelings/tendencies could create such a problem for you, especially as I’ve been in conflict with love/sexual feelings since I was a child (though normally I managed to reject and suppress romantic tendencies).
I’ve deleted my online dating profile and with it all current contacts I was partially engaged in conversations with and any further unattainable temptation. My internet content filter has been reactivated along with the additional custom blocks I’d previously had in place. Henceforth I’ll ensure I go back (when chance unfortunately presents itself) to no longer trying to socialize with any women and all communication is either on a professional or polite response basis only (so basically there’ll be no joking around with any of them or complimenting them etc in my day to day job and I’ll try once more rejoicing in being seemingly socially unresponsive/awkward rather than trying to engage with them (used to be this way prior to about 4yrs ago, but no effort was required).
The problems I’m gonna face however is seeing them on a daily basis (I basically work/call on a variety of supermarkets around the county where I’ll see plenty of women of all desirable shapes and sizes all the time, couples engaging with one and other and also the fact that I work around magazines a lot (avoiding looking at the lads mags is easy, but there’s too many womens mags dealing with 'bodies' and relationships) and finally there's fiction (soap operas and films all portraying these situations I finally understand why I could never be a part of, the one’s that give that false hope and the very scenarios to base your pathetic fantasies around). This is why I need to be made or assisted in becoming emotionally unreceptive to them because the temptation is always going to be there in front of me and after time I almost forget what I’m supposed to do or not do and potentially fall into this trap of trying once again (or sometimes the temptation might just be too much even when I don't forget). There’s a lot more that I should’ve written down when I was thinking for the first time about it, but basically what I need is help from the councillor and any guys who can just relate to this or anyone with any advice, but moreover I need to try and go about getting ‘anaphrodisiacs’ (basically for the uninformed, these are the kinda drugs/tablets that kill the libido and could perhaps prevent me from thinking and feeling about these things so that I can avoid more shame, humiliation, anxiety and potential depression). This’ll ultimately stop me from deluding myself into thinking that if I stop this, try that, ask for this etc that there’s somehow a way I can defy my preset limitations and that women will abandon their rightful (if somewhat harsh) standards to accept me as their otherwise pitiful excuse for a boyfriend.
I think on the rare occasions anyone innocently asks if I’m married, have a girlfriend or kids (without somehow realizing that it should really be a self-explanatory- of course not!, before actually asking this) that I’ll just answer with- “sadly no, I’ve got aspergers syndrome so that’s not possible” (most don’t even know what aspergers is, so it’s likely this’d be accepted without question anyway). This is in spite of the fact that some or many guys with aspergers have managed to get relationships, and without online dating for some too (how I don’t know, but I think aspergers is such a broad range of symptoms compared to so many other medical conditions that I’m just one such rarer variation of something which otherwise need not be thought of as a negative). Though I shouldn’t and don’t think of my many shortcomings as a bad thing, aspie guys who didn’t have to settle for someone ugly with lower standards, or get a girlfriend out of pity or lie to get them etc, should feel very pleased with themselves and happy they’re not as incapable as me.
