Why do you need to date?

[Harrison]

I've always thought that, due to the nature of life on this world, we are by definition half of a whole. Biology drives us to seek a mate whilst, for some, the psychology of being who we are can lead us to choose to be alone. In there lies an eternal struggle for some.

Until I was diagnosed I actually believed I had been cursed, not unlike the Flying Dutchman of legend, to travel and endure lifes hardships until some woman claimed love for me of her own free will. I truly believed this, and there were times when I came close to ending my life because I could not take the loneliness of it anymore.

As a child I craved love in a non tactile, non expressive, family. My parents were efficient but not loving, and I grew to believe it was my mission to find that one love that was permanent. This included the nice country cottage, children and accompanying pets.

That search ended ten years ago, I gave up, surrendered to my nature. Yes I've been married, had children, even owned the cottage, but non of it was real, no one loved me for just being me, not even my children.

Now I know why and I choose not to date, it is still the hardest lesson I have to conquer although I have come to terms with being alone.

If love finds you, embrace it, if you truly are meant to be alone you will never question that state of being.

Maybe I am different to other aspies in that I have an immense capacity to love, I can (and have) drown(ed) in the sheer joy of being in love to the point where I destroyed my own world. Everything I worked for fell to naught when I had my heart shattered, millions gone, to stand naked before whatever power watched over me. In that time I said 'no more', but unlike some I have never been able to harden my heart to endure the total loss of love. Now, like some dark vagrant, I accept bits of warmth or affection through my work feeding the spark that is left moment to moment.

As time grows shorter dreams fade faster, whilst memories become the sharp knives that shred a soul. If there is a god then it found the perfect way to torture this particular piece of creation.

 

[Daniela]

I have been with my husband for five years, and the love still comes naturally. We have only been married for two years, and we are also good friends. I like having someone to watch mushy movies with, as well as action flicks. I like also having someone to cook for and who cooks for me. Somebody to laugh at obscure things that leave most people puzzled. Like the time we were grocery shopping and somebody sneezed in the next aisle and we cracked up with laughter because they sounded just like the Lion from the Wizard of Oz and we both thought of it at the same time.

That is just so cute ahahaha

 

[Daniela]

I've always thought that, due to the nature of life on this world, we are by definition half of a whole. Biology drives us to seek a mate whilst, for some, the psychology of being who we are can lead us to choose to be alone. In there lies an eternal struggle for some.

Until I was diagnosed I actually believed I had been cursed, not unlike the Flying Dutchman of legend, to travel and endure lifes hardships until some woman claimed love for me of her own free will. I truly believed this, and there were times when I came close to ending my life because I could not take the loneliness of it anymore.

As a child I craved love in a non tactile, non expressive, family. My parents were efficient but not loving, and I grew to believe it was my mission to find that one love that was permanent. This included the nice country cottage, children and accompanying pets.

That search ended ten years ago, I gave up, surrendered to my nature. Yes I've been married, had children, even owned the cottage, but non of it was real, no one loved me for just being me, not even my children.

Now I know why and I choose not to date, it is still the hardest lesson I have to conquer although I have come to terms with being alone.

If love finds you, embrace it, if you truly are meant to be alone you will never question that state of being.

Maybe I am different to other aspies in that I have an immense capacity to love, I can (and have) drown(ed) in the sheer joy of being in love to the point where I destroyed my own world. Everything I worked for fell to naught when I had my heart shattered, millions gone, to stand naked before whatever power watched over me. In that time I said 'no more', but unlike some I have never been able to harden my heart to endure the total loss of love. Now, like some dark vagrant, I accept bits of warmth or affection through my work feeding the spark that is left moment to moment.

As time grows shorter dreams fade faster, whilst memories become the sharp knives that shred a soul. If there is a god then it found the perfect way to torture this particular piece of creation.

That was deep. I dont see marriege as something that you ultimate need to have hapiness. If your find yourself okay like that , then yeah why not ?
And maybe by loving your self more , you find someone whu loves you too for whu you are ....it sounds cheesy but maybe thats the point... (idk i only dated once and it was terrible XD )

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I've always thought that, due to the nature of life on this world, we are by definition half of a whole. Biology drives us to seek a mate whilst, for some, the psychology of being who we are can lead us to choose to be alone. In there lies an eternal struggle for some.

Until I was diagnosed I actually believed I had been cursed, not unlike the Flying Dutchman of legend, to travel and endure lifes hardships until some woman claimed love for me of her own free will. I truly believed this, and there were times when I came close to ending my life because I could not take the loneliness of it anymore.

As a child I craved love in a non tactile, non expressive, family. My parents were efficient but not loving, and I grew to believe it was my mission to find that one love that was permanent. This included the nice country cottage, children and accompanying pets.

That search ended ten years ago, I gave up, surrendered to my nature. Yes I've been married, had children, even owned the cottage, but non of it was real, no one loved me for just being me, not even my children.

Now I know why and I choose not to date, it is still the hardest lesson I have to conquer although I have come to terms with being alone.

If love finds you, embrace it, if you truly are meant to be alone you will never question that state of being.

Maybe I am different to other aspies in that I have an immense capacity to love, I can (and have) drown(ed) in the sheer joy of being in love to the point where I destroyed my own world. Everything I worked for fell to naught when I had my heart shattered, millions gone, to stand naked before whatever power watched over me. In that time I said 'no more', but unlike some I have never been able to harden my heart to endure the total loss of love. Now, like some dark vagrant, I accept bits of warmth or affection through my work feeding the spark that is left moment to moment.

As time grows shorter dreams fade faster, whilst memories become the sharp knives that shred a soul. If there is a god then it found the perfect way to torture this particular piece of creation.

That's deep Harrison. You are definitely a feeler - probably more than most NT's.

 

[Harrison]

That was deep. I dont see marriege as something that you ultimate need to have hapiness. If your find yourself okay like that , then yeah why not ?
And maybe by loving your self more , you find someone whu loves you too for whu you are ....it sounds cheesy but maybe thats the point... (idk i only dated once and it was terrible XD )

I understand, we are far apart in time so it is much like a grandfather speaking. Values for the youth of today are so very different from when I was your age, and you are correct, loving oneself is important, and, if knowing oneself leads to that epiphany then that too is to be revered.

My first date was a disaster too, I did it to simply get rid of my virginity and it was a bad move. Hopefully, you learnt from your first experience, as I did, and you will choose something that brings more joy. You have many sunrises to see, hope is a great provider

 

[Flinty]

Becouse, at least I think so, you can get and give too the same suport, care etc , from God and friends and your family members right?
I know theres the sex thing and the build a family thing ....but aside from that, why ?

Speaking in the past tense...

I needed to date to see the other side of the fence.

Now I don't need to because I found the other side of the fence less enjoyable than this side.

 

[Etzelaire]

If I date someone it definitely won't have nothing to do with having children or building a family together. (This is a bomb every time I tell it to anyone) I don't want to have children cause I don't feel entitled to give life and a particular kind of life conditions to someone who has not previously agreed. I know you can't ask someone before he/she is born but I've got this feeling. Moreover, I could care about a woman but I wouldn't care at all about the people sorrounding her because it's really hard for someone to be worthy of taking into account in my brain.

 

[Andrew206]

I need to date to learn who will look past the issues I have with Asperger's and see me for who I am. I've been doing online dating for a while, and I'm looking into other ways of meeting women, including matchmakers.

 

[anne.bc]

For me, I want companionship, and I come from a family where a man and a woman only live together if they are married. I hate that, but I honestly would love to marry one day. I don't want kids, just companionship. DEFINITELY don't want kids...

Love is an incredible feeling. The "spell" from the last relationship has worn and I miss it, but I am ready to look for someone else now that I have a better idea of what I want. It's pursuing it that will be a challenge. Hopefully I'm just doubting myself again, in which I owe myself $5. lol