Why do people say "we" when their statement only applies to me

[isthisreallife]

It's passive aggressive. Instead of making "I feel statements" which is a constructive and adult way to speak to someone should something need to be addressed, a person will say "we" as a means of deflecting or shifting blame onto an imaginary someone else.

 

[Ylva]

It's part of the infantilization. I always want to reply with a middle finger, but usually elect to ignore them.

The royal we means "I, the Queen" (or King). I think it's lifted from the Bible, where God talks about himself like this.

 

[ems]

The best example already used is the condescending comment to the child

'Don't we look nice today'

If the Boss says 'We must clean up today'

Sits back seething & watches YOU do it, that perfectly describes and exposes the game here.

Using 'Our rotas have changed' & then it transpires no, only YOURS did is another perfect typical example of the NT's cowardice.

They want to cut you down, criticize and change you. But they feel guilty about exposing this so hence the coverup; 'We'

A fellow NT may or may not see through the bull**it.

However, those on the Spectrum are pretty damn expert at sensing, suspecting & then investigating if this is actually happening.... And 98 Percent of the time we're spot on...

So congrats for posting this....

Try not to second guess yourself when you're fairly certain you're right.... Or else it's you'll go crazy... You'll question your own sanity... You'll undermine years of your own experience in exposing NT's bullcrap.

Once I became true to myself like this I was personally set free.

I stood up to every single bully in my life AND WON!

It felt like I'd spent my whole life in Court being dissuaded by the opposing party and formally losing.

And then conquered all my enemies (regardless of title, position & hierarchy) and got finally HEARD and RESPECTED even if this meant I was admired but never liked.

It feels like I won all my cases against my Opposers and finally got a 'figurative' admission of liability and a massive PAYOUT....

Bear in mind I spent years analysing human behaviour specifically from personal examples against me.

I still suffer huge anxiety but with a difference; now my inward rage and strong sense of justice mean that my anger is my only valid tool that overrides my fear in standing up for myself.

AND IT WORKS!

AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULES:

Don't swear at people
Don't raise your voice
Be as loud as you need to without actually shouting
Be firm and focussed
Stick to your point do not be dissuaded
Don't be forced into being sidetracked
Don't allow the other party to put doubts in your mind to undermine your argument

And FINALLY...

Be ABSOLUTELY SURE in your own mind first that they Fu**ed up and you're right

I usually give everyone 3 chances. If their behaviour persists that's my proof I'm not going nuts

I pull them up on it, complain and have never failed to win so far.

But bear in mind I'm nearly 40.

It took me the last 10 years of analysing to get to this point of my life.

 

[Ambi]

I don't even mean stuff like where they are mistakenly assuming that both of us share a perspective or experience.....

I mean like when they literally say "we" for a statement that only applies to me.

Is it supposed to convey something like them being in support of me ?....or that we are a team in dealing with something?.....something along those lines?

I find it very confusing.

My dad used to do this when he wanted me to do something. "We need to study more." "We need to make sure we get A's". Like that. I found it very annoying, inaccurate, and manipulative - as though he were doing any of the work, and as though we were some kind of team. Also, he was saying he wanted me to study more, not that I actually needed to (that's the inaccuracy part). I think they do this when they want you to do something but want to come across less like they are telling you to do something - to me it still feels manipulative.

 

[OkRad]

I dont mind that as much as when people say YOU when they mean someone else. I hate that! For example: "If you buy liquor at the store...."

First, I dont buy liquor. Second, there are so many people who DO, why use ME?

THird, what ever happened to "If one were to buy liquor at the store....."

I don't know why I hate this. I even correct my family if they do this. They hate it! They say NO NOT YOU.

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm not sure, but maybe they just mean 'we human beings'?????

They don't think in singular, they're like the Borg, they say "We are Borg"

So like,"We are Aspie, you will be assimilated".

 

[the_tortoise]

I dont mind that as much as when people say YOU when they mean someone else. I hate that! For example: "If you buy liquor at the store...."

First, I dont buy liquor. Second, there are so many people who DO, why use ME?

THird, what ever happened to "If one were to buy liquor at the store....."

I don't know why I hate this. I even correct my family if they do this. They hate it! They say NO NOT YOU.

I gave you a heart because I feel bad for so often saying "you" when I really mean "one"/"a person".

Even though I use "you" to mean "a person, any person" I also get confused when people are talking to me and using "you" to mean "a person, any person" -- it doesn't bother me, but it's ironic. (It's maybe also part of why people think I'm being stupid on purpose when I don't understand them....I usually talk just like they do, but I don't understand like they do.)

 

[the_tortoise]

My dad used to do this when he wanted me to do something. "We need to study more." "We need to make sure we get A's". Like that. I found it very annoying, inaccurate, and manipulative - as though he were doing any of the work, and as though we were some kind of team. Also, he was saying he wanted me to study more, not that I actually needed to (that's the inaccuracy part). I think they do this when they want you to do something but want to come across less like they are telling you to do something - to me it still feels manipulative.

That would drive me crazy.

I just cannot fathom how this is supposed to come across better than just saying "I want you to do this" or "You need to do this".

I had a thought yesterday that this kind of "we" is maybe supposed to be some sort of twisted shorthand for "You need to do this because everyone needs to do this"...?

 

[the_tortoise]

Try not to second guess yourself when you're fairly certain you're right.... Or else it's you'll go crazy... You'll question your own sanity... You'll undermine years of your own experience in exposing NT's bullcrap.

I'm already crazy, so it probably won't make much difference (/humor)

You do make a good point, though -- it's not good to second guess too much, it becomes counter-productive.

Once I became true to myself like this I was personally set free.

I stood up to every single bully in my life AND WON!

Congrats to you, that's awesome!

 

[OkRad]

I gave you a heart because I feel bad for so often saying "you" when I really mean "one"/"a person".

Even though I use "you" to mean "a person, any person" I also get confused when people are talking to me and using "you" to mean "a person, any person" -- it doesn't bother me, but it's ironic. (It's maybe also part of why people think I'm being stupid on purpose when I don't understand them....I usually talk just like they do, but I don't understand like they do.)

You nailed it. I DO it, too! But then I get all confused when others do it. It is so odd and drives my family bonkers.