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Who am I really without the autism?

Lydia Z

Lydia Z

Lydia Zamunda
I'm having difficulty distinguishing between my autism characteristics and the person I thought I was. All these characteristics that i have, i believed were part of my personality but now I'm not so sure. Who am I without the autism? can any of you relate? I just self discovered about two months ago and still learning.
 
You are exactly the same person you were before that you are now. Moving forward from now, you will continue to be the same person. Autism may shine a different color light on your experiences, but you've never not had autism. You are the person you are because of it, not in spite of it. That's why nobody with autism knows who they would be without it. I like to think I'd be less than I am.

Something tells me you're having trouble accepting autism. If the word "autism" didn't exist, you'd be the same person anyway, just with no explanations; only differences. Two months is pretty recent, but if you accept it not as a new thing but as something that's always been, you're going to have a better time of it.
 
There is a neurological background in many personnality traits , NT or not, ours are just less common and sometimes can trigger some issues, that's it.

You know, science , DNA , neuroscience can break down everything into rationnal causes, we just dont have all the knowledge yet, and scientist don't search for things that doesnt cause problems, I guess.

Your condition is part of who you are, but it doesnt make you less unique, and it is not who you are entierely.

But I have the same questions as you, I mean , I dont realy know what is influenced by ASD in my life and what is not.

Even for NT, maybe in 60 years we will be able to know that any personality traits is caused by this specific neurological connection provocked by a specific gene or anything...

The question is not realy, Am I just autistic? But the broader question is more like, when everything will be rationnalized by science,how will we be able to still believe in the concept of the soul?(personnalities, tastes,behaviour, anything that make you different)
 
I had this same question when I was first diagnosed. I could see autism as a cause of all my likes, dislikes, talents, and weaknesses. I wondered what's left that's truly me?

I found at least one answer: My Choices.

It's not what we're born with that determines who we are. It's what we do with it.

It's like a poker game. We don't call someone a good player because they were dealt a good hand. We call them a good player because they took what they were dealt and played it well.

If you want further evidence of your uniqueness, just look at this site. Hundreds of aspies and no two alike. You're not an exact copy of anyone here.
 
Gritches said:
You are exactly the same person you were before that you are now. Moving forward from now, you will continue to be the same person. Autism may shine a different color light on your experiences, but you've never not had autism. You are the person you are because of it, not in spite of it. That's why nobody with autism knows who they would be without it. I like to think I'd be less than I am.

Something tells me you're having trouble accepting autism. If the word "autism" didn't exist, you'd be the same person anyway, just with no explanations; only differences. Two months is pretty recent, but if you accept it not as a new thing but as something that's always been, you're going to have a better time of it.
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I don't have a problem accepting Autism at all. It actually provides me with lots of answers about my life and makes me feel better knowing the reason. What I am having problem with is as one of you mentioned here in this thread, my likes and dislikes are because of my autism. Even my obsessions and things that I excel at are due to my autism. Who is the person inside the core? I guess it is like the holy trinity explanation. They are three but they are one? I am no one without my autism? I don't know...I'm rambling
 
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Lydia Z said:
I don't have a problem accepting Autism at all. It actually provides me with lots of answers about my life and makes me feel better knowing the reason. What I am having problem with is as one of you mentioned here in this thread, my likes and dislikes are because of my autism. Even my obsessions and things that I excel at are due to my autism. Who is the person inside the core? I guess it is like the holy trinity explanation. They are three but they are one? I am no one without my autism? I don't know...I'm rambling
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Your autism is a part of you that affects all the other parts. It isn't everything, but it will influence everything. Your question is a valid inquiry. I have wondered the same myself. But the truth is that you can't parse out who you are apart from autism because it influences everything else, even if only in small ways
 
I’ve stress every now and then that me being an aspie will hold me back my whole life as a person However I tend to forget I even have it and I don’t notice I have autism many times. I focus on the more important things such as what are my interests, what are my goals in life and so on as an individual. If you focus on the more positive aspects in life then you will discover more in who you are in reality and not on a problem that has been affecting you.
 
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I am a run of patterns, which one is me? I think when I enter confluence, a mind blindness occurs for me. I have a need to act out irrational moments, as if I was in a dream solving loop process... I am not experiencing reality head on... more like mildly freaking out with small bits and pieces. I am only activating my previously acquired system of obstruction. Like I'm stuck in a mechanical represention of myself.
 
Autism and personalilty are separate things, though the experiences one has with autism can shape your personality in some ways. Perhaps some aspects of your behaviour might be different, you would experience things in a different way, some things might be better, others worse - your range of skills might be different or you might see the world in a different way. Same person, different experiences. But things are what they are and you can't change them, accept yourself as you are.
 
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I believe without my autism I would be the same person and have the same interests, but I would function better.
 
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Hello Lydia,

It is a bit of a ‘mind-masher’ isn’t it? :)

I crash landed on site about 12 months ago and I still have moments where I don’t believe the evidence.

Some of it is to do with my own perception of Autism.
I don’t know all I would like to know about it.

Which can sometimes have me wondering who in the heck has been living my life for me?
I could find reasonable alternative explanations for almost all I experience, singularly,

Put them all together and a different picture emerges, even though my idea of Autism suggests to me I ought not to be capable of some of the things I’ve done in my life to date.
But like I’ve mentioned, I don’t know as much about autism as I’d like to.

You’re still you. You’ve been carrying autism with you and finding ways to adapt.

Who are you?
Who would you like to be? :)
 
I'm odd, autism or not. Obviously autism will effect your personalty to some degree, but if you look around this forum, despite what we have in common we are all very different. Of course we may have different autism, but I think mostly it's just because autism is just one part of who a person may be. My height, body type, where I live, who my family is, ect.. all have had some effect on my personality. Whatever created my personality doesn't matter, I am still odd, and if I had fewer sensory issues and could deal with people better I like to think I would still be odd. Maybe even more so. And by the way, I view odd as a pretty good thing to be.
 
Bella Pines said:
You are whoever you want to be. Choose your path and become a person who you can be proud of.
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I agree with this statement. The plasticity of the mind and our experiences offer us the chance to grow into the person we can ultimately be content with. A diagnosis only provided an answer to certain anomalies in my life and a framework for further psychotherapy sessions, but it didn't alter who I am as a person.
 
Its probably an impossible question to answer. Our two parts grew up together, influencing one another. Not like separate trees, but vines entwined.
 
Tom said:
Its probably an impossible question to answer. Our two parts grew up together, influencing one another. Not like separate trees, but vines entwined.
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Reminds me of "Tuvix" which is the 40th episode of the science fiction television program Star Trek: Voyager. The episode aired on May 6, 1996, ... and tells the story of Tuvok and Neelix being merged into a unique third character named Tuvix.
 
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I am dealing with this very same problem myself right now. I only recently, last 2 months as well, was diagnosed with autism and it now has me questioning who i really am. I am in my late 20s now and since the diagnoses i cant stop questioning if they things i do and the way i am is actually me or just what i have used to pass as "normal" for so long. Do i enjoy this or that do i react this way or that way only because it is what i expected people to want me to for so long or is it really who i am. I have worn so many masks and created countless personas that i can no longer differentiate between what is really me and what is there for others.
It has put me in a deep burnout that i can not seem to escape, i just constantly find myself wondering who i am really and what is just a facade. I feel like even more than the people around me i have fooled my own self even more and do not know how to separate them. Or is the problem that i should not be trying are both sides just half of the whole me am i the aspie that i only let loose in private and the personas i use to function. I no longer know who i am and it is driving me into a very deep hole.
 
Anunnaki2522 said:
I am dealing with this very same problem myself right now. I only recently, last 2 months as well, was diagnosed with autism and it now has me questioning who i really am. I am in my late 20s now and since the diagnoses i cant stop questioning if they things i do and the way i am is actually me or just what i have used to pass as "normal" for so long. Do i enjoy this or that do i react this way or that way only because it is what i expected people to want me to for so long or is it really who i am. I have worn so many masks and created countless personas that i can no longer differentiate between what is really me and what is there for others.
It has put me in a deep burnout that i can not seem to escape, i just constantly find myself wondering who i am really and what is just a facade. I feel like even more than the people around me i have fooled my own self even more and do not know how to separate them. Or is the problem that i should not be trying are both sides just half of the whole me am i the aspie that i only let loose in private and the personas i use to function. I no longer know who i am and it is driving me into a very deep hole.
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Anunnaki2522. Do you have access to or the insurance/funds to afford a psychologist or counselor that has experience working with high functioning autistics?
 
Anunnaki2522 said:
I am dealing with this very same problem myself right now. I only recently, last 2 months as well, was diagnosed with autism and it now has me questioning who i really am. I am in my late 20s now and since the diagnoses i cant stop questioning if they things i do and the way i am is actually me or just what i have used to pass as "normal" for so long. Do i enjoy this or that do i react this way or that way only because it is what i expected people to want me to for so long or is it really who i am. I have worn so many masks and created countless personas that i can no longer differentiate between what is really me and what is there for others.
It has put me in a deep burnout that i can not seem to escape, i just constantly find myself wondering who i am really and what is just a facade. I feel like even more than the people around me i have fooled my own self even more and do not know how to separate them. Or is the problem that i should not be trying are both sides just half of the whole me am i the aspie that i only let loose in private and the personas i use to function. I no longer know who i am and it is driving me into a very deep hole.
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People in the comments above you tried to answer the question in their own ways and i think that somehow helped me. please read those comments. It is all about how our brains are wired and you can't separate the person from the autism. Even though all of us in this forum have ASD we all are different and have our individual personalities.
 
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